What it means to be a safe person
In this unsafe world, being nice is the safest thing to do.
Hello hello my friend,
We are back to our weekly Raw and Real conversations. Yasss!!!
I have been meaning to come back for the last 2-3 weeks, but here are we are finally. And now we will stay consistent every week.
Along with this, you will also receive a tiny “5 cool things about X” every Wednesday, such as 5 Ways to get bored, 5 beautiful things I have learnt from spirituality, 5 unusual lessons I have learnt from Taylor Swift, and so on. It is going to be a short, quick check in with you to get to feel you inspired in the most raw and real way.
As usual, please let me know what you think of these.
With that, let’s get started.
Raw and Real Conversation
When my Mom goes to Nani’s house, she asks me to book an Uber for her. For commutes of either sides.
One of those days, when my Mom was returning from Nani’s house, the traffic police stopped the Uber driver midway. For the 5 minutes that my Mom was waiting in the car, she figured perhaps the car was not in the driver’s name, hence the hiatus.
She called me and asked what to do. Since she was only a kilometre away from home and the police <> driver conversation did not seem to be ending, we both decided she should get out of the cab and start walking.
The point to note, though, is she was completely safe, but it was none of her business (more particularly as a senior citizen) to be lobbying for a situation like this.
She reached home despite the uber driver asking her to wait, my money for the entire trip was deducted, and now the ball was in my court to complain, etc.
Later during the day when we both were laughing at this adventure, we mutually decided to not tell about this incident to anyone in the family.
We both were confident that my father and sisters would all say something to the tune of:
“You should be vigilant.” Bro, wasn’t she already?
“You should not travel via Uber next time.” Bro, will you drive the car and drop and pick her up the next time and every other time, exactly at the timings convenient to her?
“The world is bad, stay away from such people.” Haven’t unexpected problems sometimes cropped up in your work, despite your best efforts? It takes a clear mind to understand that uncertainty is the most certain law of life.
High agency, then, making the choice to do the the next right thing when something wrong happens, instead of sneaking away from wrong altogether, which anyway is impossible.
The question now is:
Why am I even telling this to you?
Because the most important thing in life is to be a safe person for others.
My mom and I were that safe person for each other, but our rest of the family isn’t.
We both thought it was an adventure, and we dealt with it. There was nothing we could do to change that minuscule thing before or during the uber trip. So there is absolutely no point for either of us to blame the other after that trip.
The conditions would have been different if she was far away from home or stranded on a highway, yet I think being safe person for each other we both would have figured it out.
The sad part is, most people in the world are NOT that safe person.
The uber trip is an example. We have all seen people around us launch an unnecessary tirade at others on the most petty as well as prodigious issues only out of habit.
They are always on the fence blaming others. We tend to consistently walk on eggshells around them. Their mind creates an imaginary massive misfortune out of smidgen situations.
On the other hand, here is what safe people allow you to do:
You can be absolutely honest around them. Even if what you say is not a praise but a criticism, nothing you say triggers them into an unexpected behaviour.
If they are displeased with something you say or do, they are still a safe person. They will reach out to you like an adult and share what hurt them. They trust you that you will fix that.
They do not give you the silent treatment or expect you to play the guessing game. Even if they need the space to be silent, they communicate it.
When safe people are hurt, their hurt is about something you did, not on you as a person or your character. Their trust toward you as a human never dwindles.
Problems turn into adventures for them and with them.
They have the maturity of a grandma and the playfulness of a child.
Most importantly, they spread joy to anything they do, everyone they interact with. Their baseline status is growth, not resignation to the miserable myth called life.
Needless to say, it takes effort to be a safe person.
It is so easy to be married to your perpetual problems and wear them as a badge, as an excuse to be an atrocious human being.
It takes effort to deal with your problems yet appear lighter with others, because you care for them also and not just for yourself.
I have consistently come to observe and conclude that safe people are usually those who spend time with themselves every day, in some way or the other. That 1-2 hours per day are their necessary “me” time, none of which includes internet, but is often a combination of workout, reading, meditation, sitting in silence, or doing some activity individually.
They fill their internal well, so that they do not outpour their emptiness to everyone.
They are a selfish person in order to become a selfless person.
On the other hand, when we do not attend to ourselves consistently, we repeatedly become an exasperation for everyone else. People don’t say it, they might perhaps even not know it, but they always feel it.
Be a safe person baby.
Life is too short for anyone to go through an unexpected uber adventure and purposefully keep you out of it.
2 Raw Realisations I have been having about creativity lately:
The best time to share about your work to others is when you are done with the execution process. Marketing works the best when creation is done.
The best creativity is the one where you receive answers in your shower to the question you had been pondering about
3 Cool One Liners for you to think as you step into the weekend:
“The parts of you that you hide end up controlling you.” —Carl Jung
“If you sit by a river long enough, the body of your enemy will float by.” —Sun Tzu, The Art of War
In your 20s, you feel hurt at least 18 times a day. After turning 31, you stop feeling hurt altogether. — 20s versus 30s, the instant access e-book
Alrighty then, my friend.
It makes me feel a little more useful that I will see you every week starting today.
Here’s to creating beautiful essays on life and excellent beauties of life!
Nishtha Gehija
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