What is the advice that your father gives you?

Beneath that advice is a wisdom he wishes he had.

Raw and Real Conversation

I made a mistake last night.

In our daily call with my parents, we rarely have anything to say. The call is simply a silent way of we three telling each other “I love you but I don’t know how to say it, mostly because out of habit.”

In one of those “I have nothing to say” my father asked me to make 3-4 new friends.

It is such a stellar advice. A beautiful advice.

But my trauma came crushing in a wall.

Without thinking (my mistake) I told him, “Now that’s now how you must do it. All my childhood you asked me to stay away from friends and focus on studies. Now that I do not have it in my habit to not know how to make friends anymore, you ask me to make friends. Not. Fair.”

And I regretted it the moment I said it.

I am pretty sure he would not have woken up one morning wanting to protect me from the world, so much so that he accidentally happened to protect me from the goodness of the world as well.

But here we are. I am friendless. And I blame my parents for that. What an irresponsible double whammy badge to wear.

Do you know what my father said?

He said, “I don’t remember saying that to you, but I am proud of the human that you have become. We are always speaking about you, your nephews and nieces are in awe of you, and each time we think of you, we are super proud.”

And I didn’t know what to do with it.

Option 1: Should I be grateful for the fact that they are proud of me?
Option 2: Should I heal myself for the things they did unintentionally as human beings?
Option 3: Should I learn to let go as a lifestyle? (I guess we all should).

Hmmm, so as I was thinking about it an unusual thought occurred to me in my shower that what all is it that my father has been advising me all of the time, but I am purposefully avoiding because I am mad at him for something he did unintentionally and doesn’t even remember.

Here is what my father always advices me:

1. Take care of your health before taking on too much work

2. Go out and make friends

3. If you need some help, you can freely ask me.

4. I don’t want you to regret on missing your parents when they are not there.

5. You should always go out at least on the weekends.

As I look back on his life story and journey unfolding, he has almost never done all of these things. He never got around to taking care of his health, has business associates but not very many friends to hang around with because he never hung around on the weekends, and he misses his parents and their guidance of having someone out there being a giver to you instead of him being a nurturer all of the time.

You know it’s scary to know that.

That your father craved the same things that you crave for and he has unintentionally stopped you from doing.

What is worth taking cognisance of is that it was unintentional. Even though it shaped a huge part of you, it does not have to shape you forever.

You are allowed to be a different human being than the one you were raised. Of course it would take work, but I hope you realise that holding on to how you were raised also requires work.

Let me finish with a line from the forever favourite Taylor Swift:

"without your past,
you could never have arrived-
so wondrously and brutally,
By design or some violent, exquisite happenstance
...here."

2 Raw One-Liners:

• Never meddle with someone who doesn’t meddle in the intellectual depths of their brain. You are trying to have a rational conversation with someone who hasn’t experienced rationale before.

• Most people like to overthink because it saves them from consequences of action; because they now won’t take any, courtesy overthinking.

3 (For) Real Great Lines I read in books I have been reading:

1. Always make the other person feel important. —How to enjoy your life and your job, Dale Carnegie

2. It’s not enough to be friendly. You have to be a friend. —Wonder, RJ Palacio

3. Consider yourself as dead, your life as finished and past. Live what yet remains according to Nature’s laws, as an overplus granted to you beyond your hope. (Oh, Marcus the thinker.) —The Meditations, Marcus Aurelius

That is it my friend for this week.

I will see you next week.

PS: I know I have promised a desk tour but not clicking pictures is my way of procrastination. I am sure I will get the blog done soon. But for now, sorry :)

Lots of love.

Nishtha Gehija

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PPS: Quick monthly recap, I wrote an unconventional book this month. Something I knew would have a lot of agreements and some disagreements as well. And I have never been more fulfilled after writing a book. Here is what one of the readers say about the book:

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