Raw and Real Conversation with you
(it’s a Cruel Summer, with you…) :):)
Chalo chalo, let’s start
For many years, I have been planning to write a book on communication.
Most of which stems from the PhD in miscommunication most human beings hold.
The book will come when it is time, but trust me when I say this, these very basic and fun rules of communication (which no grammar book or school teaches you) will change your life even if you use them 20% of the time.
Here they are:
1. Please banish “Hi, How are you?”
There, I said it.
If you are sending a work message, please also write what is it that you want to communicate. Now. Without waiting for them to say “I am good”.
Saves your and their time. Which is a more considerate thing to do than asking “Hi, how are you?” and coming across as someone who meanders more than needed.
People who get to the point (kindly) are the people who get what they want.
2. Unless asked for an opinion, please don’t give any.
We all learn this truth the hard way.
We want to make something better, even if we are not working on it. Especially if it is our area of expertise. So we give our opinions because we care for the person we are giving our opinion to.
But life is a wonderful teacher in telling us that unsolicited opinions are rarely valued. And one who is really looking for help or cares for our opinion would come find us.
3. When asked for an opinion, please give it.
I have learnt this in my spiritual class: When people ask for your opinion, give it. When they make a decision that does not comply with your opinion, still be unfazed.
Giving without ego, acceptance without sorrow.
4. Please say “thank you”.
This is something I wish more people understood. You cannot ever be “too grateful”.
It baffles me when you do something people ask for, and they don’t say thank you. Or you share something in a group that they are circulating everywhere, and they do not acknowledge you. Should we not be grateful for whatever is given to us?
I’d like to be clear here: No one’s life would change by the other person saying or not saying thank you.
But I wonder how empty those people must be, to go on to operate without giving their gratitude to the thing that helped them. Moral Science left the chat in the chase of money and the mask of adulthood.
It reminds me of a conversation I had with a billionaire client the other day. Her company (you almost expected “him” na, just by the mention of the word billionaire? World is changing, folks!) is worth thousands of crores, and yet this is how she talks:
If people who have all the riches in the world are still kind, I believe none of us have the reason to not be kind.
5. Take care of your tonality
Please do not be a 1990s TV serial sasu maa whose tonality is of consistent taunting to her bahu, because her bahu went out with her own husband, aka that sasu maa’s son!
Jokes apart, to be nice to someone without allowing your pains of last mean interaction harm you is the stuff of legends.
Of course, please communicate when you are hurt. In strong relationships, communicating like adults does make things better.
But if you have chosen not to communicate with words, you have lost the right to taunt through your tonality as well. Worth making a note each time we interact with them.
One last thing: About making a call
I am personally not very fond of making phone calls for every small and big thing. For that, text messages or emails do the trick. However, when you think something is complicated enough that it may lead to misunderstanding via text, then it needs a conversation on a phone call.
But for everything else, our lack of ability to put our ten haphazard thoughts into two cohesive thoughts is not the recipient’s problem. And not worth their time either.
The best communicators have the highest level of empathy.
2 Raw One-Liners:
Show me a man who does not respect their time and I will show you an unhappy man.
Get up and make things.
3 (for) Real anti-scroll blogs
If you are wanting to get off social media yet want to read good content, these 3 super-tiny blogs might help. No need to comment or like. Please enjoy:
Thank you for reading, my friend.
If you found the above Raw and Real Conversation helpful, please pass it on to more people. I do not usually ask you to share because if you had liked something, you would share. But we all need good communicators around us, and nothing is simpler and more useful than these unusual rules of communication. So please pass this on to as many people as you can!
Nishtha Gehija
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PS: If you loved the above micro-sized blogs, these instant access e-books are just like those, with specific things you are looking for. Read one and tell me how it was:
20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life
The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in a corporate job and struggle with daily humdrum of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)
The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)
How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.
Every Writer Needs to Read This: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer