There are two types of questions
If you ask type 1 questions, you are doomed for despair. If you ask type 2 questions, you create an incredible and whole new life.
Raw and Real Conversation
I once had a colleague named Harsh (name changed).
Harsh was brilliant. He was committed to work like a few people are. Had a command over Excel that made him save at least 8 man hours every week.
But there was a problem.
He lived his life as if he was doomed for misery.
It was so ingrained into his lifestyle and mindset that even he was not aware of the insinuation of his condition.
The sad thing was he used to believe he had earned this sappy behaviour, which is a sure shot way of not taking any action to change it.
Anytime I think of someone who is capable but lives like a victim filled with self-pity, unfortunately Harsh’s face appears out of nowhere.
Back then I did not realise it, but now that I have seen life, I have come to realise we all are the source of our own misery.
Of course I would still not say it to Harsh.
But most people in this world live their lives like this.
They have a question for everything.
And that question is rarely an empowering one.
If they seek your advice and you tell them “what if you let go of the grudge you are holding”, they will always have a “but” counter question:
“But how will they know how much I suffered?”
“But how will I improve myself if I don’t hold that grudge?”
“But they must also suffer, that is the only payback…”
We know the list is endless.
They have a problem for every solution.
…
Then there are the rare quality of people, people like you who spend their time making their lives better (otherwise you won’t be reading this newsletter right now), whose default is set to asking powerful questions.
Questions that lead to possibility instead of pessimism. Questions that create joy instead of dimming it. Questions that make you happier.
If people like you got an advice that said “what if you let go of the grudge you are holding”, you will have a “how” question:
“Hmmm, interesting, let me think how can I program my mind for a better thought and action the next time I go into the rabbit hole of grudge?”
“How can I forgive them without them asking for it and without condoning what they did?”
“How can I make better decisions if this happens to me again?”
Do you notice how the same advice brings different questions based on the mindset of the listener.
There are always two types of questions:
“But” question: People who ask this have a problem for every solution.
“How” question: People who ask this have a solution for every problem the world seems impossible to get through.
By nature, the second category is rare.
Which is why so many people are suffering.
Which is why so many people believe they are destined for a horrendous life, and lo and behold, that is what they get.
Tony Robbins has a quote that goes, “The quality of your life is the quality of your questions.” I wouldn’t disagree.
And the quality of your questions is how you see yourself.
Do you see yourself as someone who can overcome challenges, no matter what?
Or do you see yourself as someone who can do magical things like Harsh and still be doomed, because victim mindset keeps you safe? You no longer have to take responsibility for your life, because hey, you are a victim.
…
An important question to consider here is:
How can we ensure that you have a “how” mindset as a life default?
A mindset that allows us to believe we are destined for good things, and we can do anything and create anything?
If not taken care of, a “how” mindset may easily get into a “but” mindset over time and especially the world we live in.
I’d like to say belief is like food. You need to intake it over and over and over again, for the rest of your life.
Some ways to do this:
Read/listen to great books. The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, Who will cry when you die by Sharma ji ka ladka, How to enjoy your life and your job by Dale Carnegie, Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, Relentless by Tim Grover are some great examples.
Listen to inspirational stuff during your commute and workouts. I often listen to Rhonda Byrne’s YouTube Live videos (by downloading them). They are incredible and instantly mind-shifting. Sometimes I listen to spiritual classes too. (Out of context: It is incredulous how some people cannot survive without constant chatter of radio in their cars. As if they need a background chatter to survive. For you, my friend, choose good wisdom to listen. Fun fact: I keep my phone offline at most times, so I have invested in YouTube premium (so should you, if you haven’t already) so I can download videos in my phone as well as listen to them with phone locked (also so that more screen time is not being recorded lol)).
Make sure you spend your time around people who make you feel happy. And please remember what Taylor Swift said:
PS: I liked how simply TnT were dressed :)
The best part is, each time I see anyone inspirational who is doing spectacular things in life because they believe so, is because they are doing one or multiple of the above things purposefully in their lives. They create their lives from whatever they have, even if it too little.
They ask the “how” questions, not the “but” questions.
Starting today, ask the “how” questions. The “but” will disappear. I promise.
2 Raw One-Liners:
The recipe for a joyful life is to always keep doing new things.
Just because someone is there for you all of the time, does not mean you take them for granted.
3 (for) Real questions I have been thinking lately
How can I always be before time?
How can I add a Pomodoro or two in between meetings?
How can I schedule “maintenance tasks” and not “makers tasks” when my house help is home?
Because the quality of your life is the quality of your questions :)
What’s your take on today’s conversation? Do you agree, disagree, or is there something I missed?
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Nishtha Gehija
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I agree with most of things you’ve written.
I really liked the ways, one can get better. How to do it in actual world, where distractions could be the blockers for doing this over and over and over again? What would you suggest, please help.