The secret reason why most people are scared to say no
It is the most surprising thing.
Raw and Real conversation
Almost everyone has a difficult time saying no.
The ones who are good at saying a polite no, I have learned, have developed an important side skill, which we are going to talk about today.
The skill to listen to a no.
If you are organising a house party at one of the friends’ places and one friend does not come, we must develop the skill to be okay (and absolutely okay with it).
Or the fact that someone does not want to be a part of a project.
Or the fact that someone does not want to go out on a weekend and chill, and do nothing at home.
Our subconscious makes us think saying no is the biggest crime in the history of the world.
So we take ourselves on a self-sponsored guilt trip when we want to say no. (And rarely say it.) Or we loudly and vocally judge someone who said no. (How could they say no when I can’t say it when I want to?)
While saying no is an important life skill, an equally important one is to listen to a no. To respect someone’s no without judging or, more importantly, souring your relationship with them.
Some ways to develop the ability to stomach a no:
Please know that no one, absolutely no one, is operating based on your operating system. They are operating based on theirs. So their no is not a reflection of your lack of love or lack of intent. They might want to spend time with themselves, have some space, or maybe have 983 things running in the back that you might not be aware of.
Someone who truly has self respect (not the fake confidence donned with charisma but the real respect for themselves) is absolutely okay with someone else’s no. We love you. We respect you. Peace.
Others saying no should inspire you too, to put your foot down, stop being a people pleaser, and say no when you want to. It should drive you forward instead of driving you insane.
I am certain if we started accepting the “no’s” of people, we’d build a healthy culture that promotes speaking the truth. Otherwise people would continue burying themselves in non-existent meetings and family gatherings just to escape a group that only accepts yes-people.
Saying no is a complete sentence. You know that already.
Accepting a no gracefully is complete self-respect too. Only the rich of heart can afford it.
2 Raw One-Liners:
Your life affects your family. Break some rules, but be a little cautious before breaking some hearts.
People are scrolling on social media because they do not have good books to read. (Fun fact: I always keep a stack of books in front of me/on my desk/on my bedside so that I always have sources of good dopamine.)
3 (for) Real things to be grateful for:
Cooking gas that cooks our food. So little do we realise how blessed we are until a crisis hits our doorstep.
On that note, I was wondering this morning that having necessities like water, electricity, fruits, food grains — all of these are such massive privileges. None of our fame, fortune, fossils would be able to
Your mindset. A mindset that can handle almost any uncertainty. I know like I know like I know God will never keep me hungry or starving or sad. We just need to trust God more than anyone else, while we continue taking wise actions.
On that note, wish you a peaceful weekend, my friend.
I’ll see you next week.
Nishtha Gehija
rawreal.in || nishtha.blog
This is so great! The saying no part as well as the last point in the grateful section. Just made my day. It’s so underrated, the mindset can literally change everything.