The biggest mistake I've made as a solopreneur
No, it's not what most people would think
Hey Everyone,
Welcome to another edition of Raw and Real, where every week we have:
1 Raw and Real Conversation
2 Raw One-Liners
3 Real Gratitudes
Let’s go!
Raw and Real Conversation
Okay, so this is going to be a vulnerable post.
Something that is only going on in my journals.
But I realise there are so many others like me who could be helped by sharing what I am going through.
So, here we go:
A part of my work is getting on calls with people I write for.
Most calls go good. Rather, all of them go good.
Until someone consults me for something I am good at, but is not a part of our agreement.
For example, I am writing someone’s book. In the middle of a call, they are now consulting me about a career decision of whether to go into content creation full-time or stay in their current path. For one complete hour!
Or one time, when I used to ghostwrite LinkedIn content, someone not only just asked me to re-do their LinkedIn profile (which cost 2X of a monthly engagement amount), they also ordered me unabashedly on emails. For what bro? For being nice to you?!!
Or another time a friend (not a client) asked for a business idea, and I did share with them everything I knew about starting from scratch!
Now, I do not think helping someone out with a bit or two of your thoughts on your expertise is bad. As a matter of fact, it is wonderful.
However, when you get “too much” into help mode and concern mode and “I wish someone had did this to me” mode, you ruin yourself.
Here is why:
No one, absolutely no one values free advice or free work or any of its free cousins.
Had they actually valued free advice, they would go on the internet, and execute on it. Advice is plenty. Execution is rare. Monetary value makes the payer have a nudge at executing it.
Sometimes, some people just know you are so nice, so why not “take a chance at free consulting”? (I saw this recently in an interview by a famous and rich person who was also taken advantage of their niceness, and this resonated deeply.)
Now, none of these people are bad people.
They are genuinely wonderful, hard working, caring people.
But Oprah says we teach people how to treat us.
“I am happy to share all I know with you.”
”Sure, I will squeeze as much as I can from you, because that will make me lose all my respect for you, and also hook you up for future free consultations I am again never going to do anything about.”
So, here is the truth:
I believe none of them were wrong.
It was all my fault.
I went into oversharing mode.
I went into “too much of a giver” mode.
I let the Santoshi Maa in me overpower the Durga and Kaali Maa in me, who should have taken the front seat when the need arose.
If you look deep, there is also a reason why this happened:
Maybe I wasn’t fulfilled within.
Maybe I did not take the time to draw my own boundaries.
Maybe I did not form a healthy relationship with myself, that I would not need these makeshift (being taken advantage of my time and expertise disguised as work) arrangements to make me realise my worth.
Reminds of the Neitzsche quote:
So, the root cause of all problems comes down to one solution, my friend:
Form a great great relationship with yourself.
Be a giver. Give more than what you are supposed to give, for the work that is agreed upon.
For the work that is not agreed upon, open your mouth when there is money on the table. I first learnt this lesson in a Rujuta Diwekar book, but sometimes you have to go through the path yourself to learn the lesson out and clear.
Does not mean you say a no loud and clear, but you learn how to dance with what the circumstances demand at that point.
And never feel guilty about protecting your time and energy. It is ALL you have.
Remember:
All the consultation people need is available for free on the internet. When they want someone to tell this to them on a call, in a filtered, usable manner, bro, that cost the other person years to get there. So they will charge :) Nothing cringy. Pure business, huh?
Like Mota Bhai gave Jio pro bono to all of us at the start. Now they were the first telecom providers to raise their prices. That is how business works.
At last, I want to leave you with something a client of mine once said:
I was diversifying my offering to them to a new thing I hadn’t tried commercially, and offered to do it pro bono for a month. Here is what they responded:
“Nishtha, just do it na. Nothing good comes out of pro bono. You charge for your experiment. We will figure how things go then.”
When in doubt, be like this wonderful client, my friend. 😇
2 Raw One-Liners
Give more than what you are supposed to, in every work that you do. But––
Love your job, not the client. (Comes from my bro.)
3 Real Gratitudes
My bro. One night I was very anxious because of the thing I told you and was up till 11.25 pm. My usual sleeping time is 9.30 pm. I am never this bothered but this was different. So my younger bro texted me the next day about my whereabouts, and listened to my problem. Family with detective lenses on “last seen on WhatsApp” > > >
Health. Had diarrhoea this week, but cured it fully without any medicine, just ORS and 100% self control by having only curd rice (without any garnish or tadka) almost 2 days in a row!
You all. Whenever I think I am stuck, I get some or the other email response on how this helped you. Thank you :)
That is it for this week, my friend.
Wish you health, hope and heightened self awareness, wherever you are, in whatever you do.
Till next week,
Stay raw. Stay real.
Nishtha
Reads of this week:
Starting a project is easy |
7 Powerful lessons for Peace, Positivity, and Productivity |
What happens after you get ALL the social media validation? |
Whenever you are ready, here are some of my books that would help you:
The Corporate Life Handbook: The book everyone working a corporate job needs :)
The Career Changing Guide: My bestseller so far :)
How to Deal with Heartbreak: Because, life happens :(
Every Writer Needs to Read this: I wish I had this one, when I was starting out as a writer
This is What You are Looking for: Small Life Lessons for a Happier Life