That apology ain't coming, my friend :(

I quietly believe that is a beautiful thing :)

Hey Hey Friends!

Welcome to Week 4 of 2024 (damn, the time!) and a brand new edition of Raw and Real.

Every week, we speak about:

1 Raw and Real Conversation (that you are thinking about)
2 One-Liners
3 Gratitudes.

Let’s go!

Oh, btw, The Year of Writing: My 2024 project of writing an eBook a year is live now. The first eBook launches super soon. I have decided to document my weekly journey on how I think about book projects, my processes, my insecurities and all the questions you all ask me on this weekly blog of 2024: The Year of Writing Miraculously.

The blog goes live every Saturday at 4 pm. Do check it out to see “how” a book is written. PS: And if you have any questions, feel free to reply and ask me. I’ll address them :)

Chalo chalo, now let’s go!!

1 Raw and Real Conversation

We all have been hurt.
In pain.
Broken into pieces by someone whom we thought would bring us peace.

And it is not only romantic heartbreak.
Sometimes it is heartbreak in friendships.
Or in work life.
Or a heartbreak with someone whom you thought you would never be heartbroken by.

That broken heart, my friend, is not only a broken heart.

It also comes with lost productivity, loss of enthusiasm for life, and a loss of self-worth and self respect. For a very very long time.

Dealing with all of that, we may not want that person or relationship back. All we want is ourselves back.

All we want is closure.
All we want is that person to walk up to us and say, “Hey, I am sorry for hurting you. No excuses. No reasons. It was my mistake. And I own it. I am very very sorry.”

Alas, the truth is, that apology ain’t coming.

The other person perhaps doesn’t realise the magnitude of pain they caused to you.
Most cases, they don’t even know they caused you pain.

And I honestly believe, that if someone cared to apologise and understand your pain, they would have done that already. Sometimes, we, in our goodness, create a version of someone that doesn’t even exist, and expect that version to miraculously come mend things for us.

I have an alternative:

Forgive them without them even asking.

Yep, you read that right.

Don’t tell them you have forgiven them (maybe you aren’t even on talking terms). But do it for yourself.

Here is how we have been taught to do so, in Rajyoga meditation:

1. Firstly, you meditate for 15-20 minutes straight. This is to bring you at peace.

2. After your meditation, you visualise the person who caused you pain, and tell them:

   “Dear friend, I forgive you, for X, X and X (tell them the reasons). Also, I am sorry for all the pains I might have caused you in the past (past may mean past you know, or a past birth - because sometimes unseen karma comes back, and we are simply letting go of our past karma as well). You are now filled with purest energy, peace and joy. All our karmic accounts and pains are over. We forgive each other. All the pain is over. We both are happy and free (from pain), wherever we are, whatever we do.”

3. Repeat this for many days, ideally a month. And you will start seeing noticeable differences in the way you feel towards them.

Here is the reason why it works:

• You are doing it for your own peace - it doesn’t matter to you whether they apologise to you or not. You are letting go because you want to feel lighter.

• There is no condition of listening a sorry - because wisdom says sometimes people are not willing to say it in the first place.

• We spend days, months, sometimes years hating someone for what they did. This consistency of showing up every day, to forgive someone, frees you of the years of unseen pain. And makes your future stainless.

I have tried it personally, because waiting for apology only grew my hate and hurt towards someone who probably didn’t even remember me, let alone apologising.

And this is what I wish for you as well - to be finally free!

There is nothing better than that feeling. And how life after that makes you way lighter.

Because now you aren’t waiting for a text to change your life.

You have now changed your own life. You are powerful. Ain’t a need for anything else.

Isn’t that beautiful, my friend?

2 One-Liners:

• I strongly believe if people loved each other a bit more at work, work won't be as painful for most people.

• You don't need more answers. You simply need to spend more time in silence.

3 Gratitudes:

1. For the forgiveness meditation: I still do that almost daily, to forgive all the people that have hurt me and vice versa. Ultra peaceful exercise.

2. For my good health: Now that I have it back, I know exactly how good it feels to be back on your toes.

3. For my parents: At 64 and 69 respectively, hardly do they ever deviate from their daily routine of waking up, going to temple, cooking food, etc. I strongly believe this is also a reason their generation is so functional because in consistency and enjoying your mundane days, lies strength.

On that note, bye bye my friend!

See you next Saturday

Nishtha Gehija
Founder: Raw and Real
Daily Blogger: nishtha dot blog
Author of: This is What You Are Looking For and Fit Doesn’t Fit
Join my fun 2024 project of “The Year of Writing Miraculously” here and be a first-eye witness to all behind-the-scenes fun and all thought processes, that go behind writing a book.