Move on from your old work relationships
Wisdom is in knowing that most work relationships are platonic, and that is the best thing that could happen to them.
Raw and Real Conversation
I am an emotional fool.
Okay, I used to be once.
Especially when it comes to work.
I once used to believe that people who are close to you in your workplace, will go on to continue being your friends even after you have stopped working together.
The truth is, it rarely happens.
If it does, the friendship was made of gold.
The reality is that in most cases, people are surrounded only by people they work currently with, or their closest friends and family.
It’s understandable too.
Everyone is busy. And no one has all the time to keep up on messaging. Especially when you have lost the common ground that tied you together: same workplace.
There used to be a time I would get hurt when these old work relationships would fall apart.
Not hurt while blaming someone else, but hurt with the truth of the fact that most work relationships die the day of your last working day.
Or think of a client and consultant relationship. When we are working together, we know each other better than our families do at that point of time. Once the work gets over, we become strangers again.
As someone who is very picky about people I surround myself with, saying goodbye to ex colleagues or ex clients used to make my heart ache (like for real) for a long time.
Until I tried telling myself:
Just because you don’t speak to someone consistently, does not mean they are twirling their bangs like Komolika and conspiring against you.
Just because you are not in touch anymore, does not mean the work you did together was meaningless.
The truth of life is that people are like seasons. We are seasons in someone else’s life, and someone else is a season in ours. And seasons don’t stay the same. Not even in the poles.
Quantity of time has got nothing to do with impact of someone in your life. If that were the case, most people won’t be distant from their parents, because they have spent so much time with them already. But almost everyone barring a few exceptions is the most distant from their parents.
Above all, we are not working with someone so that we could be besties forever and take that impromptu flight to Goa and hang out together. Hanging out together while having conversations in Zoom calls and phone calls and emails is still valuable.
For people like me, who put their heart and soul into their work, this line from Franz Kafka will help you.
The line is about love, but I do love my work. And I have come to believe that every camaraderie, every lost work relationship is not meant to last. If you keep holding on to it, you become instrumental in suffocating the relationship and sacrificing your own evolution.
But if you become wiser and be okay with not suffocating the people you once worked with, you will meet other people who are right for you to meet at that point of time.
The goal of work is detachment. You work for a company and you don’t keep a part of the equity (often). You work as a consultant and you don’t keep a part of the equity of the client. You work as an independent creator and you have to be okay with your audience not loving something you had put your soul into.
Your work makes you a living. And it teaches you how to live without making it your only reason to live. The joy is in loving your work, and it loves you back when you don’t expect way too much.
(PS: This is also when expectations get fulfilled more than you had thought of them.)I still remember how my first team leader taught me the importance of time management, by managing his time super well. I could legit write a book on life lessons learnt from wonderful colleagues and clients of mine, over the years. Those people have shaped me unconsciously, and I am certain I have shaped others too. We are all making impact on each other, and that is another goal of work well established.
We need to get to a point where we stop measuring a relationship by the number of messages we sent them last week or last month or last year. Our role on this earth is limited, and no one is with us right from day 1 to the final day. You may cling and you may clamp, but you will lose all your bling and you will burn. Let it go, my love. Let it go.
And if, you connect again by a text message from them, a call, or even happen to work together in a different capacity, you should be happy doing it too. Isn’t it?
This entire conversation might sound pretty meaningless if you are not that kind of person who thinks actively about people you work with, and I respect you for that stance.
However, relationships are like parents. Their presence or absence makes a huge difference in our lives, in more ways than one. Even if we cannot see it at the moment.
Which is why, I wanted to address the meaningless void that aches in our hearts when we lose someone whom we worked with for months, or years. Relationships are not a push and pull button. Even if their absence does not affect us actively, the passive hole is still massive.
It is time we start acknowledging it.
The elephant in the room disappears the moment we call it out. Or at least it starts walking instead of trying to hide, to no avail.
I hope this helps you move on from a wonderful ex-work relationship, and know that if you just go with the flow and enjoy the show, the right people will stick and the right people will tick.
2 Raw One-Liners:
No matter what you are going through, shouting should not be even your last resort. It is the lowest degree of self control.
When we are done talking about showing up, I guess we must also talk about not showing up too. Sometimes you just need to cool down. And do it more often.
3 (for) Real things I am grateful for:
The compound interest of health. I was bedridden with stomach bug from Monday through Thursday. However, come Friday and I was back with my energy. Lesson learnt: When you are fit, you are able to bounce
My BIL who is like an elder brother. He would text and call me once every day to ask about my health, and also tell me the next course of action. I can bet my life’s savings that none of my sisters would have done that. The above picture of Kafka is true here as well :)
Nature. The weather is an enjoyable feat this time of the year. Not too hot, not too cold, not too humid. Rains here and there followed by pleasant times around. Isn’t that incredible?
Alrighty, that was it for this week.
This week we spoke about something that was unusual in many ways, yet no one of us has been able to escape the reality of it. Truly a raw and real conversation, something I found deeply meaningful writing.
I’d love to know from you, how you found it.
Have you ever gone through a work breakup and allowed yourself to wallow in it and let it swallow you?
Have you ever missed an ex work bestie, but wrapped your feelings in an aluminium foil and never felt them?
Or have you been okay with ex colleagues moving out of your life, with zero to negligible effect on your life.
You may respond to this email or share a comment if you are reading it on Substack.
And, I will see you around, next week.
Stay raw, stay real, and never stop reading.
Nishtha Gehija
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Instant access ebooks for your reading, and spend some time with yourself:
The Corporate Life Handbook: The book everyone working a corporate job needs :)
The Career Changing Guide: My bestseller so far :)
How to Deal with Heartbreak: Because, life happens :(
Every Writer Needs to Read this: I wish I had this one, when I was starting out as a writer
This is What You are Looking for (Paperback): Small Life Lessons for a Happier Life