Everything is about people
It shatters everything we thought about life before
Raw and Real Conversation
Last week I was invited as a speaker to an event.
When I arrived, an esteemed judge was giving his presentation. I couldn’t jot down his details, but I believe he was a senior in High Court or Supreme Court, given the depth of his statements.
As I sat in the audience to absorb what was going on, one of the audience members asked him a question:
“Sir, what is the best way to convince a judge?”
I thought to myself: With evidence! What else would a judge need?
However, here is the answer the wise judge gave:
“You need to understand them as a person. If they are a vegetarian and you speak to them about how good the biryani was, you have already lost their interest. In order to convince someone, you must understand what convinces them.”
That got me thinking.
Here was someone, a distinguished member of the world's largest judiciary, who had every reason to validate things with evidence. And I am certain evidences hold a large part of any judicial conversation.
However, in order to convince the most rational person, they suggested:
Understand the other person
So that they could use that understanding to:
Convince them,
And reach a point of winning mutually
While making sure everyone’s interests are taken care of.
…
Now here comes the difficult thing:
How do you understand other people?
I have a straightforward answer for that:
Understand yourself first.
You cannot give what you don’t have.
It all boils down to the following:
You spend some time knowing yourself every day.
You spend some time learning through books or great videos.
You go out into the world trying to help others, instead of wanting things for your own benefit.
It is as simple as this.
If you want to understand your patterns with your parents, you sit down and understand your patterns with yourself.
If you want to understand what makes you want to work with some people and why you draw some people away, it makes you clearer of your values.
If you prefer going for cycling instead of going for a walk, it also makes you think deeply about what your personal preferences are.
Nothing is wrong or right, black or white, dull or bright. (Yes, I’ve liked making rhyming words since I was in 6th grade :))
Everything is about reflecting.
It requires an effort, but I also believe we are always making some effort in some direction. The wiser ones make a dedicated effort.
The best part is, there is no recipe or a 5-step process that you could follow to make people get readily convinced by you.
It is all about deepening your understanding of yourself, which would only help you deepen your understanding of others.
Which, in turn, will help you listen to others and help them reach their goals, their plans, their wins.
Which invariably will lead you to your wins.
It is really that simple.
It also made me reflect, on how we often overlook the basics.
Life was about winning together, not winning alone.
None of us live in isolation.
None of us is a narcissist.
It’s time we consciously bring that out in others too. Isn’t that an act of great service :)
But it all starts with us :)
To summarise:
You need to understand people, in every scenario of life.
To do that, you need to understand yourself.
Understanding yourself takes effort, but it is way better than making the effort to fix messed up relationships in life.
2 Raw One-Liners
Learn the art of ignoring, so that your art of focus gets sharper.
It's incredible how much you end up achieving before 12 if you just decide to sit with focus, and work.
3 Real Gratitudes:
To write this newsletter. 90% of the times I am overjoyed to write this, 10% I get to a place of “I have to write this”. Today was one of those 10% days, but because we got till here, we’re grateful.
To not feel insecure when someone is disagreeing.
And, to never forget, the safety and security we all live in. Last week there was a 5-second earthquake in Delhi, the shakiest one ever, I still remember how it felt. But the fact that we all still get to experience life, is nothing short of miracle.
That is it, friends.
Stay raw, stay real, and never stop reading :)
Nishtha Gehija
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Instant access ebooks for your reading, and spend some time with yourself:
The Corporate Life Handbook: The book everyone working a corporate job needs :)
The Career Changing Guide: My bestseller so far :)
How to Deal with Heartbreak: Because, life happens :(
Every Writer Needs to Read this: I wish I had this one, when I was starting out as a writer
This is What You are Looking for (Paperback): Small Life Lessons for a Happier Life