Even when no one is watching, YOU are.

Do the right thing even if you are going to be accused. Because at the end of every day, you go to bed with yourself and your conscience.

Raw and Real Conversation

Many years ago, I was fired from a job.

Not exactly “fired”, but in a way my manager lashed out his complains of me in a obstreperous manner.

Which was followed by:

“This job is not for you. I want you to think about it for two weeks and let me know.”

In corporate lingo, this is invariably translated into:

“I want to fire you. But I will not carry the tag of firing you, so you better resign.”

This was not the difficult part, though. The difficult part was the timing.

This conversation happened exactly two days before the annual increment was due. Now I was in a double whammy:

• If I resigned immediately, he would accuse me of not having the mental stability of thinking through and then resigning. Of course, I would not be eligible for the increase in salary during my notice period.

• If I took some time and then resigned, he would accuse me of walking away with an increment and then immediately resigning.

No matter what option I picked, I had to pick an option of being accused.

I was in his bad books just because he had decided.

Now I had to pick one of the two options. Resign today or two weeks later?

I decided to resign the same day.

When a friend got to know of this (and the entire setting in which my resignation was set up), he said I should have waited till increment. At least I would have gotten the increased salary for the next three months, he suggested.

Here is why, though, I resigned immediately:

• An increment in a company is a reflection of the company wanting to invest more in you, so that you and them could continue building that partnership further. When the relationship is already broken, no point of staying.

• If I were the manager and I had known an employee waited just for increment to resign, I would not respect them fully, even though they did nothing illegal.

• If someone has decided they do not want you in their team (or their life) anymore, it is best to get up and leave, instead of begging them or hoping for them to change their mind or even see a sliver of a positive side of you. It is sad, but once you get to this truth, embracing it hurts a bit less.

• Lastly, I also did so because even though money was important in the notice period, what was even more important was how I looked at myself. Did I want to be the person who pretended everything was okay just for some extra money, even though I was not wanted in the team anymore? Or did I want to be the person who knew she was still helping the company save its monetary resources? Even though an increment in one person’s salary for 3 months isn’t a big number for any company, if it was decided I was not going to be in the company anymore, it was not right to walk away with that money.

• I also did not wait till the next increment because in my heart I knew those accusations were false. It was simply my manager’s anger speaking. Sometimes we want to get rid of people only because we are done with them, and I now know rationality is rarely exercised in firing decisions.

Why am I telling this to you today?

Here is why:

1. I have worked in 3 jobs, and resigned almost at the same time. So it is not possible for anyone to figure which job it was, thus, keeping the identity of the company undisclosed. One person’s bad experience does not have to become an entire company’s identity.

2. I also asked myself, “If that manager were to read this newsletter, would I be okay?” And I was okay with him reading this. I have written no malice against him, and this gives me more courage to write about it.

3. I have now grown enough to see people and companies rarely make decisions out of data and wisdom. Everyone is optimising for their favourites, their mood that day, their choice of not having a conversation, their childhood traumas, and their empty stomach. It’s a scary world at the top, that makes you think why it is at the top. You might think it is you, but it is simply their inner world that is being reflected in their words. Reminds me of the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, where the second agreement says: “Do not take anything personally. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, not yours. When you're immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.”

4. There has been never a time in my life where life hasn’t gotten better after something in the past ended. You simply have to develop the lens to embrace the future instead of be etched with the past.
   Also, note from me to everyone who writes to me thinking I am superstrong:

   

5. In spirituality, we are taught “सत्य की नाव हिलती है, डोलती है, लेकिन डूबती नहीं है।” Translated: The truth may not be seen by everyone at the time, but it does not cease being the truth. Eventually everyone sees truth for what it is.

6. Like I said above, sometimes good people do unusually negative things. It is a case of an evil soul entering their body and getting it done through them. Don’t take it too seriously on your self worth, or get too antagonised by their actions.

7. More than anything else, the most important lesson is: Life will always give you situations to lose your dignity and take the convenient path instead of the correct path. Your job is always to do the right thing. Hand on heart, you will always know what that is.

2 Raw One-Liners:

• You are not tired. You simply haven’t eaten a banana.

• Even if you don’t like a gift, be thankful for receiving it. Goodness never goes out of style.

3 (for) Real Gratitudes:

I am in a meditation retreat in Mt. Abu for two weeks, so I’ll share what I am grateful for here:

1. Food: Satvik and nutritious food, and very delicious. Plus, every meal has so many options. I legit take half of the available options in every meal.

2. Sharing a room with 3 other strangers. Since I have all my privacy at home in Delhi as well as in my parents’ home in Kota, sharing a room with other girls makes you even more empathetic.

3. Meditation for at least 5-6 hours and a minimum of 10k steps every single day. All of this is the staple and not after you have put something extra :)) I’ll tell you more about it once I am back.

On that note, I hope you found today’s edition helpful. If you did, please share it with someone who might like it too.

I’ll see you next week.

Stay raw, stay real, and never stop reading.

Nishtha Gehija

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Instant access ebooks for your reading, and spend some time with yourself:

The Corporate Life Handbook: The book everyone working a corporate job needs :)
The Career Changing Guide: My bestseller so far :)
How to Deal with Heartbreak: Because, life happens :(
Every Writer Needs to Read this: I wish I had this one, when I was starting out as a writer

This is What You are Looking for (Paperback): Small Life Lessons for a Happier Life