DON'T give up your driver's seat
I mean this in the most literal sense that you would want to believe
Raw and Real conversation
This is the summer of 2017.
My colleagues and I are going to spend a weekend together in a resort in Gurugram. We are a team of 20, with 90% staying in Noida (including yours truly).
We jam ourselves up in 4-5 cars and off we go.
I first picked up Maddy Sir (name changed), who was a manager in the Chennai team of our company, and was completing a temporary stint with our Delhi team that summer before heading off to Chennai again.
This was his sort-of farewell trip too.
Now Maddy Sir is sitting in the rear seat, me in the driver’s seat, and we are at another spot in Noida, some 400 metres away, to pick two of my other colleagues.
While we are waiting, Maddy Sir has the most absurd idea ever (not an absurd one in his dictionary, but sure).
He pops out of his rear seat, comes to my driver’s seat, opens up my car door and tells me to move out, because he wants to drive.
Excuse me sire, have you ever heard of the c-word consent?
Anyhow, I am the humblest person but not a fool, baby.
Also, I loved (and still do) driving, weekend driving from Noida to Gurugram is the most blissful drive (ah, the empty NH 48 is every driver’s dream come true).
So I politely decline him in the humblest of voice, “I love driving and I would want to drive this journey.”
That is it. No arguing nor ruining my mood by giving him the literal steering wheel. He went back and got seated in the rear seat.
This is called putting your foot down.
While being respectful of others.
And helping yourself before you go on to help others.
Okay, first things first, I am not such a loser that I deny an outsider in the city a privilege to drive in another city. It does feel like joy.
But what I do think is you need to ask instead of assuming that just because someone is reporting to you (even indirectly) and of course, you are a man, you simply throw manners outside the bus (or your car window to be real).
Had he asked like a gentleman, who knows, he might be sharing a story of his blissful driving with his colleagues somewhere.
Manners maketh a man. So does a lack of manners.
Now, why am I sharing this with you?
Because we all sometimes do things that we do not want to do, so that they do not affect our jobs. While things in every job are different for everyone, you should have the conviction and self confidence to not let any interaction outside of work make you into a crumpled up piece of paper.
Girls are so hardwired into saying yes to everyone, because we are people pleasers. You want to please people? Please the one in the mirror first of all. And do that every day.
You don’t have to be rude while saying a no. I can say it with all my heart and head that Maddy Sir also did not feel bad when I said no. So many people think they are being the rudest version of themselves when they are saying no. That’s not true. You can be firm while being kind. Why do you have to pick either?
And now, a picture of our team from that group retreat:
2 Raw One-Liners:
You are not tired. You simply haven’t eaten a banana.
Even when you are blooming, never take work and clients for granted. Say no peacefully and humbly if need be, but you have never earned an entitled response just because you have earned a lot of success.
3 (for) Real great lines I read, and so should you:
It is not right to ignore what you know is not right. There is no good in all this training if you don’t use it. —The Boy Who would be King, Ryan Holiday
If you walk away from something that is no longer worthwhile, that frees you up to switch to something that is more likely to help you achieve your goals—and you’ll get there faster. —Quit, Annie Duke (every single human being must read this book)
“Write from healed scars, not from open wounds.” —Elizabeth Gilbert, when asked about how she felt sharing her story in her latest memoir. (Note from Nishtha: this means if you are going through something, it is good to journal about it or process that pain; however, if you are going to put something in public domain, it is always wise to put something out that you have already dealt with. Use your public platform as a springboard for sharing wisdom, not as a basin to dump all your ugly thoughts (which we all have from time to time.))
Instantly access my ebooks:
20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life
The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)
The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it my friend.
How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it :)
Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer
See you next week
Nishtha Gehija