Raw and Real conversation
Ever since I have understood life, I have had a special ick with the word “confidence.”
What does confidence even mean, in the real world context?
Confidence often means:
“He is bossy enough to have a strong opinion.” How about the same person not care about even listening to another opinion?
“She is speaking so much to make others notice her.” How about the fact that she is hiding her flaws instead of being okay about them?
“He/she is confident, and thus is straightforward.” What about the fact that this attitude crushes people’s morale and makes them fear this person, instead of becoming a better version of themselves?
…
The ideal word we all must be looking for is competence.
Competence is the ability to do a job, and to do it fully well. And if you are someone who always delivers great work, you become the most competent in the industry over time.
The best thing about competence is you can acquire it. And getting better at it is a choice, unlike becoming a boisterous person whom the world worships as “confident”, yet are highly incapable.
For example, when I was starting out as a writer, what I knew was I loved writing.
Yet every single day for the last 10 years, I have been writing a short blog. And tons of other things. Haven’t missed a day of the blog in the last 3.5 years.
Over time, I have developed a great competence in writing. Something that gives me the courage to get into a room and charge for what I deserve, because I know what I bring to the table for them.
At the same time, I have the humility to know that not everyone would want to work with me. Or the courage to be always a learner, always. Yesterday only I discovered a new book on writing well that I haven’t yet read. This is something that you’d never find “confident” people do. Because they have already arrived, that they have stopped asking questions.
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The other thing about competence is it is available to anyone who really wants to go ahead.
For example, as a person it is not my nature to be seeking for evidences. But when I became an Internal Auditor, that was the numero uno requirement of the job. And over time, I became super competent that in 3 years, I broke all records of former colleagues.
Not because I had entered into a room and shouted “I am great and you better listen to me.”
But because I had entered within myself and decided to become better.
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This reminds me of something that happened in my family earlier this week.
I am all in high gear for a launch that I will soft-launch on Diwali, and will do a bigger online launch a week later.
(What I say after this remains a top secret between you and I. Please do NOT divulge it :))
For the launch, I am working on multiple free merch that I will provide to the customers.
One of the merch is a tote bag. The only problem is, when I screened all the corners of the internet for a good customisable tote bag, it was all below expectations.
For a second even if I increased my budget, nothing ever really came remotely close to a good quality product.
At the same time, on the side, I was also visualising that I come from Rajasthan, which is rich in cultural heritage. What if we create a tote from scratch, from a typical Rajasthani fabric with Rajasthani prints on it?
We will represent our culture at its finest. Yet it would be something that has never been done before, but something that looks the most beautiful ever?
So out of frustration of all of this, I randomly called up my Mom in the middle of the afternoon, to ask if her tailor would be willing to stitch hundreds of thousands of tote bags, and check for their pricing.
We spoke, she said she will speak to her, and by the evening I had already dropped the idea of a tote as “too ambitious”.
However, later the evening, my Mom told that her tailor has agreed! And in the pricing that fits our budget!! Yasss!
We also did the further conversations of what we are looking for and how. And it does look like a plan. The only thing the tailor needs is a sample, which we will provide, and the game is on in high gear.
But I also wanted a very beautiful branding of the launch on the tote too, something that brings a smile on the audience’s face, each time they carry it.
Here comes my eldest sister: She is a painter. She has created paintings of so many of our extended family members’ homes. My mom reached out to her, and now she, will hand-paint on the back of the tote. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
It is a tiring job, but an artist thrives on doing more of her art, as my sister said. (Don’t worry, I am not abusing her, she is being paid for it.)
Why am I even telling this to you, by the way?
Because when you look at these two women in my family, they won’t come across as someone “confident” in the worldly sense of things.
But if you want to get things done, look no further than your own mother. Who makes sure you don’t drop your ambitions because they are “too ambitious.”
Or your artist eldest sister. Who again makes sure you are doing beautiful work with everything you are putting out on the world.
This type of certainty is something that only a competent person could give you. Because they have acquired the ability to get things done.
I can bet my kidney on it, that had I reached out to a family member who is “confident” in what the world calls it to be, they would have already rejected my idea and moved on in their own bubble of the world. As you read this, you can already visualise “confident” people in your life who would have done the same.
Something who is all noise and all voice in their head about confidence would never be able to reach this level of competence.
And when one has competence, true confidence follows my brother, true confidence follows!
