3 Unusual ways to stop thinking about others

The secret pill to gaining more freedom

Raw and Real Conversation

What would others think of me?

Will (XX) like my content?

What if they stop trusting me?

Over the past few decades, human beings have gone from sending handwritten letters to letting ChatGPT write their letters (not recommended).

However, one thing has still remained constant:

What would others think of me?

Our primal nature to be liked, to be loved and to be seen for who we are sometimes takes us into the trap of thinking too much about others.

However, the more we think of what others think, the more we become their prisoners.

The last thing you want to sign up for.

So, over a period of giving too much attention to what others think about me, making mistakes and learning how to not think what others are thinking about me, here is how you can too, stop thinking about others:

1. Most reactions are a consequence of the past.
   If I say “I don’t trust you” it is because yesterday or last week or last month, you broke my trust. Starting today, you can stay true your word consistently. And I will restore my trust in you.

   If I say “I am not sure if you will turn up on time” it is because in the past you may have turned up late multiple times. You can change my belief system by always being punctual going forward.

   Our actions decide what others think of us. So if your past actions have justified what others believe about you, your present actions have the power to change it.

   Isn’t it magical?
   
   However, what if what others think about us is beyond our actions, because…
   

2. People are changing all of the time.

   Two years back, I used to believe staying in a job will give me much needed stability. Now I do not think so.

   In my 20s, I used to believe my parents should have done a better job. Now I know they are also humans, and they did their best they could.
   
   If I had continued believing what I used to believe earlier, it would only keep me in prison.
   
   Similarly, what people say is a result of their belief system. It is formed by hundreds of influences each one of us is surrounded by, day in and day out.
   Thus, most opinions are merely opinions. Not truths.
   Don’t give them your power by validating them over and over and over again, my friend.

   

3. What others do or say is about them. Not you.

   Don Miguel Ruiz wrote in his legendary book, The Four Agreements: Don’t take anything personally.
   Nothing people do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
   
   Reminds me of the childhood joke (which now I think is a reality). Whenever someone used to tease us, we would say: “jo bolta hai wohi hota hai :))) (Translated: The one who speaks evil is the one who is evil.)”. Adulting pro max ultra is realising that your childhood self was right all along.

That is it, my friend.

To sum up:

1. Most reactions are a consequences of the past.

2. People are changing all of the time.

3. What others do or say is about them. Not you.

Whenever you are traumatised and anxious ever again in life, may you be reminded of this.

And of the fact, that you have been free all along.

As Rumi says: Leave this play!

2 Raw One-Liners

• Letting go of toxic people doesn’t mean you are a bad person. But you can’t be a good person if you aren’t good with yourself, to begin with.

• Your life changes when you start looking at goodness outside of people’s flaws. Every single one of them has them.

3 Real Gratitudes

1. For fan and AC. Isn’t it a blessing we have access to it, despite so many Indians still do not?

2. My tiny Nokia phone. It is the best “productivity app” ever created :)

3. Kindness. When you are drowning, kindness helps. When you are flying, kindness keeps you grounded.

That is it for this week, bros.

Hope you liked it.

See you all next week :)

Stay raw | Stay real

Nishtha Gehija

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Whenever you are ready, here are some of my ebooks that would help you (you can access them instantly):

The Corporate Life Handbook: The book everyone working a corporate job needs :)
The Career Changing Guide: My bestseller so far :)
How to Deal with Heartbreak: Because, life happens :(
Every Writer Needs to Read this: I wish I had this one, when I was starting out as a writer

This is What You are Looking for: Small Life Lessons for a Happier Life