Today I want to speak about my father, because he is turning 72 next week. Yasss!!

And a bit or two that you (and I) could probably learn from him.

Let’s go!!!

Ever since I have understood life, my father has been a simple man.

His wardrobe consists of strictly white shirts only, with grey/beige/navy pants.

We sisters gave him and Mom a couple’s wrist watch as a gift on their 25th wedding anniversary, which he wore for years! Fun fact: Next year it is my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, and he has changed just one wrist watch during this quarter of a century!

He has just three pair of shoes, one for going out, one slipper for use at home, and one extra which he doesn’t touch.

It has always been like this. I’d like to believe it is true for a lot of households, not just mine.

And while the world worships Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg for dressing plainly, a lot of fathers of millennials have been minimalists by design.

How does this minimalism affect you as a person?

I’ll tell you how.

I have held 3 jobs in the past, and on the day of tendering resignation in each of those three jobs, I sobbed.

A lot.
With him.
On the phone.

And he was this Zen like man, who was there to console me each time. Worth noting that in every single one of the three times, I did not have a new job offer coming along, yet he cared little about the future and more about the pain of letting go I was going through in the moment.

And it is not just these 3 times.

Each time there is something difficult I go through, I am somehow able to conceal it from my Mom, but with my father, the truth always figures a way to pop out.

There may be many reasons to it, but the biggest one is that this man lives such a simple life, that he has the bandwidth to deal with life problems. Of himself and his family.

He started working at the age of 6. (Please forgive us for the child labour. That has never happened again with my generation or my sister’s kids either. So it’s all fine now. Also, the person doing the work of getting him employed and the one who did employ him passed away years ago.)

Thus, all his life by design has been a journey of figuring things out. He hasn’t had the time to think about sleeves with cufflinks, the quintessential Gucci belt almost every man wears, or even a thought of spending money on a Rolex, when you are looming under the responsibility of getting your daughters married.

But there is one instance I’d like to share from his last year’s birthday, which never tends to leave my mind.

You will be most likely blown away by this

My father’s Activa was in the ICU, so we decided to get a new one for him.

A couple of weeks before making the purchase, I had simply put the thought in his head, so that it gave him the headspace to deal with the “looming surprise”.

On the day of purchase, I did not ask him. I just told him. And then told him I will call him in a couple of hours to the outlet to get the delivery of the vehicle.

I have always seen him loving the colour white. White clothes, white interiors for his shop, even white (vanilla) cake. (Special mention to his disdain for chocolate cake 😢). So I finalised that colour.

When I went back home to take him with me, everyone (but my father) gave a conflicting suggestion. My mom, sisters, BIL were of the opinion that we should pick up anything but white colour.

“Pick up a darker colour.”
“White would get dirty quickly.”
“Other than black, what were the colours available?”

The father maintained a peculiar, detached quietness that is his very nature oftentimes. Not giving any opinion.

Because I was the one making the final decision, I still finalised the colour white.

We finally took the delivery of the white Activa the same evening.

But that is not where the story ends, my friend.

That night, when my sisters and BILs had left, my father told me and my mom the story of his first scooter:

That some day came 17 years after that grey scooter was sold, followed by him driving another blue Activa because back then colours were not available, followed by his new white Activa finally when he turned 71.

Not to mention, he still didn’t voice his opinion!

He waited almost 30 years without a scooter of his choice, while practically running a home and fulfilling everyone’s wishes!!

I do not think anyone could live selflessly like this, other than parents.

Why am I telling this to you?

My friend, parents (especially a lot of fathers) hardly voice their wishes. It is just not possible for a lot of them. So, you simply have to hone the art of observing their life, and listening to them even when everyone else is going ahead with logic.

So, three days before my father turns 72, I do wish your father too gets to live all his unfulfilled wishes. And may we all have the empathy to understand it.

It makes life meaningful beyond measure.

Deep down, this is what we all are looking for.

2 Raw One-Liners

• To have a lot of money and not a lot of self-blabbering mouth is an asset we should speak about often.

• Intelligence is knowing when to start. Wisdom is knowing when to move on.

3 (for) Real wonderful lines I read last week, that you should too:

1. “Spend your adult life making people feel special.” — George Raveling and Ryan Holiday, What You’re Made For

2. “When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.” — Oprah Winfrey, What I Know For Sure

3. “As someone who works in the corporate, your number one job is to understand people and give them what they want. Everything you want, will come back quicker than you had expected.” — The Corporate Life Handbook

Nishtha Gehija is a CA turned full time writer, ghostwriter of books for CXOs (famous for her non-AI, fully authentic content), and a daily blogger at nishtha dot blog.

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1. 20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

2. The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

3. The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

4. How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book your best friend needs but no one gives it to them right in their hand. You can.

5. Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 12 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

I have been completely zoned out in the last one week.

Especially today, as I write this.

The only focus has been to deliver a manuscript of a client.

I didn’t clean my desk this morning. The barbell laden with weights is still lurking behind the study desk, as I worked on submitting the final manuscript of a client’s book I had bene ghostwriting. I need to trim my nails.

It is unusual, but we are all getting raw and real here, aren’t we?

We were initially supposed to close this on 30th June, but because I needed more time, I requested my client for a 10-day extension to 10th July, which he nicely gave.

I am so glad I stretched every ounce of dedication I had and delivered a masterpiece I am proud of. It is very hard to convince one’s own self, but seldom when one does it, it is time to pause.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the other side of the glamorous life of a work-from-home life.

I have been working from home ever since the Covid of 2020, but till mid 2023 I was in a job. So we won’t consider that because you are still accountable to a team.

But, what does the life of a work-from-home freelancer look like?

Is it even for you?

Allow me to try to walk you through it in the minutest details.

Some self-created principles:

1. Always have separate clothing. I may work in casuals, but never have I ever wore night suits during the day. Not even once. Not even when I have been sick. The home clothes are purposefully very nice, because how you feel is what gets reflected in the work you do.

2. If you love routine (I absolutely love love it. My sisters when they have to critique me they call me “time table”).

3. If it is a video meeting, I try to wear a shirt, even if it is slightly casual. (and certainly not an Athleisure) or a plain v-neck tee. The child inside wants Tom-n-Jerry, but the adult outside wants credibility.

Pros of WFH life as a freelancer:

1. You do not have to prove to anyone you are working. If work gets done on time and is done well, everyone is happy.

2. A lot of the times in your job, your ratings are a product of your manager’s mood, especially if they are not rational. Sometimes I wonder how men are so much a prisoner of their mood, even though it is us women who go through their monthly cycles :)

3. I do not have to appear happy in meetings I do not want to be in, in the first place.

4. I love the solitude, the maker’s schedule. So we willingly optimise for it.

Cons:

1. People think you are free. Historically our culture has treated the busiest housewives as free, just because they were at home. That false mentality still lingers. For me, instead of getting triggered, I have learnt to draw boundaries. It clearly conveys your message. And it is no point being irked anyway.

2. Sometimes, like once every 6 months, I would feel the need for an accountability buddy, like an assistant or an intern who would keep me accountable on my to-do’s. But then I think of the dread of talking to another human being AND explaining them my work AND how it would take me away from the love of my life, which is staying quiet all day — and I buckle up my systems.

That’s pretty much it. I do not miss the working from office system much.

How to decide if working from home is for you:

1. If you can manage your time well, go for it. Otherwise, it is bold to be working from office.

2. You know when to stop.

3. You know when to start.

It is a journey. I was waiting for the train at the Dubai airport and sitting on a bench outside and working on my laptop. I was waiting in the line at Warner Bros Abu Dhabi and was on my laptop. Last week I had the best drive and I wrote for myself again, even though I was on a tiny break.

I do not mean to scare you, but just a wisdom.

And yes I may go to a salon on a Tuesday, there have been way more incidents that I have worked on Saturdays (rarely Sundays too).

Do I endorse it? Nope.

Am I working on it to have more of a work-life balance? Oh yes.

How much percentage of times is work-from-home life on track? 60%.

But the biggest thing is awareness.

When you know what you want and what you absolutely don’t want, you have won half the battle.

2 Raw One-Liners:

• Girl to girl: He is not going to change by you suppressing yourself.

• If you want to see who does the best work in a team, look at who speaks the least.

3 (for) Real meaningful and fun blogs that I wish to share with you:

1. Good boys that (forever) damage good girls

2. “Do you mind if I smoke?”

3. Some pictures of the 5 days of meditation retreat

Alright then folks, have a nice, monsoon-filled, relaxed weekend.

Don’t be on screen too much :)

Nishtha Gehija

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Instantly access my ebooks:

1. 20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

2. The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

3. The Career Changing Guide: Practical and Real

4. How to Deal with Heartbreak: If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

5. Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

But then memory lane took me to the reflections I did when I turned 34, 33, 32, 31, 30, 29, 28, and 27. Whoa! I don’t remember when I was this proud :)

That is the good thing about doing good things consistently. The consistency just does not let you off the hook.

So, here you go, 35 life lessons on turning 35, ladies and gentlemen:

1. You don’t have to twist your way into being mean. You’ll be surprised how much you can get done by being genuinely nice and caring, with every human.

2. Skill and attitude are the things that create confidence. Confidence and charisma without competence and curiosity is a lame victory.

3. When you work super hard in your 20s (7-8 hours per day) you will be able to work 4-5 hours towards your 30s.

   

4. Having a trauma is sometimes not a choice. Living with a trauma is.

5. Stop giving free consultations and keep your mouth shut. Give advice when asked for (by immediate family) and when paid (by everyone other than immediate family), and not when you simply think they need it.

6. A good night sleep and breakfast within an hour of waking up solve for most of your energy problems.

7. You must do the work.

8. Change your environment if you do not like it. I remember I started watching cricket regularly from Asia Cup 2023 (that India won), watched World Cup 2023, and then kept track of other tournaments, and then spent a lot of time scrolling memes on Twitter after India won World Cup in 2024, Champions Trophy in 2025 and when RCB won IPL in 2025. Super guilty. Never led to anything good. It was after that I realised it is not the best use of my time. So now I do not check Twitter during any sporting tournament. Simple as this. It once got out of hand (which meant I was on Twitter for over an hour), so I temporarily deactivated it. Change your environment, do not expect it to change it for you.

9. Related to the above, as I was reflecting that my 20s went too slow but half of 30s went tad bit faster, I realised it is because a little bit of my internet consumption has gone up, even though I am super careful. So, now I will bring it down further. If you think you do not have a lot of time, ruthlessly and drastically cut internet usage. Get a 2 GB per month plan if you need to, but the only currency you have is time.

10. Protect your Sundays at all costs.

11. It’s okay to not like doing the things in your 30s that you liked doing in your 20s.

12. Life is all about changing your inner conversation with yourself.

13. If something upsets you, do not bury it within. Talk to yourself and figure what upset you. And then figure if you can change it or accept it. Do it. If you bury things, they give rise to diseases eventually.

14. If you really really care, you can bring about all the transformation in yourself. But it begins with not expecting others to transform too.

15. Anyone who taught you how to be less kind and more nonchalant towards others is a liar, is a traitor. Please do not listen to them.

16. Classy people have a list of most gifted books instead of a list of favourite YouTube channels.

17. Show me your morning routine and I will show you what your day would look like.

18. Show me your night routine and I will show you how peaceful you’d wake up in the morning.

19. Quit being a Raja Beta. :D

20. True richness lies not in making Instagram posts about your achievements but writing essays about your despairs (cough cough ;)).

21. If you keep saying yes to everyone, you keep saying no to yourself.

22. The art of living life is to navigate situations that require you to say no, where you consistently say no without actually saying no.

23. Working with the right people is 1000X more important than working on the right project. Please read that again.

24. Your source of motivation has to be you. If “talking to this one person” makes you feel better, you will always be their prisoner.

25. Please do yourself a favour and read Consolations from a Stoic by Seneca (the Kindle version is cheaper than your chips packet), So Late in the Day by Claire Keegan (especially every sensitive girl and every gentleman must read it) and the newsletter of Cal Newport.

26. It is more important to decide what you will not do than to figure what you will do.

27. A good life should have no place for ego.

28. Life is all about returning to the childhood version of you.

29. When I am acting different than you had expected me to, will you still love me while trying to ask me what lead me to this opinion to understand me, or will you abandon me because I did not fit your mental mould?

30. Speaking less is the OG (and the most underrated) way to have more energy.

31. Happy people make time to go to a park or outdoors during the Golden Hour.

32. It is mind blowing how you become a walking energy of possibilities when you even stop having ideas of impossibilities.

33. Exercise is a necessity for your body and productivity, walking is a medicine for your mind and soul.

34. No matter when you travel and where you travel, always pack at least a shawl and a pair of socks. It is a staple.

35. “Life a good life and tell no one. People ruin beautiful things.” I remember reading this once long ago, and it is only around turning 35 you start understanding the truth of this statement.

That is it friends, which one did you like the most? Tell me, tell me!!

PS: I know, I know I had to share the essay essay “How to become a successful freelancer” today but bro I am in the middle of submitting the final manuscript of 3 books (the last 10% takes the 90% of effort, each time). And I also I am in the middle of a much-needed 4-day meditation retreat, writing this at 5 am after our morning meditation. Your special sneak peek into the life of a freelancer :))

This is the picture after our evening meditation that is held everyday from 6.30-7.30 pm, and it was a special one because it was outdoors in some ~23 degrees. Hope this qualifies for you to forgive me :)

I promise I will write that freelancing essay.

See you next Saturday.

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

Exactly 2 days after turning 18, I left my hometown for college.

Yesterday I turned 35.

For the last 17 years, I have been perpetually homeless.

This is me, and welcome to my story.

Why did I leave home?

My parents worked super hard to give all four of us (me and my 3 elder sisters) the best education. But I was the first one to even go to an English medium school.

The school I changed to in 11th and 12th grade sold SRCC (the best college of India) as a metric of success.

While I could not make it to SRCC, I did manage to get out of my hometown.

It was difficult, I was clueless for one complete year, and my eating, studying, playing schedule went for a total toss.

That time I did not notice it, but never, even in those situations, I ever wanted to return home. Maybe the early signs of a future are always showing.

Why I stayed away from home

My reasons for moving out of home when I was 18 were (perhaps) to create my own identity, and give myself exposure the small town did not have.

My reasons for staying away from my parents’ home as a 35-year-old is because it feels better here. When something isn’t broken, it does not need fixing.

What happens when you stay away from home

1. After more than a decade of staying away, you develop a zen-like attitude towards most things in life.

2. Because of panicking too often because of people who are not as nice to you as your family is, you eventually realise, nothing and absolutely nothing is worth losing your peace of mind.

3. If something goes too bad, you develop the self-confidence, network and resources to deal with it.

4. Also, you start seeing the side of life where you are trusted easily. Nowadays when a billionaire or a millionaire CEO changes their stance based on my suggestion for their book, sometimes I think to myself in my head, “Dude, wow. I have never ever tasted what having an opinion mattered feels like.”

The other side, the non-snazzy, the difficult side of being away from home

It is not easy to stay from home.

In the Covid lockdown when I was temporary there for over a year, I contemplated it for a bit to move my operating location to my hometown, but it just did not make sense for my long-term growth as an individual.

It is painful to see your father asking you often to quit everything and move to hometown. Deep down I know that he wants to make sure I make the best of his life when he is around. He also wants to make sure if something happens to him, I am around too, like the rest of his daughters.

But I know if I give in to this fear of death, I am also giving up my whole different life that I have here. Sometimes my lower self also believes that do I not matter for him even a bit, that my career is still like his stepchild and not a family?

There have been several times I have stood at the railway station of my hometown wondering if I could be a different, a better daughter that would make me living away from home a little okay, a little acceptable for them.

The common layer I see across these patterns is the love, the longing, the separation, and yet, helplessness.

I somehow want my family to believe I care. Deep down they know I do. But an ageing part of them wants its proof too.

Why is it impossible to go back “home” now?

1. Because I love being away from home. Isn’t love enough? To have created a small, invisible world of your own is an achievement, even if it does not make it to LinkedIn.

2. At home, you are being shepherded. For no one’s fault, but because there is a culture that is followed in every home. When the bedsheets would change. When you must put things to laundry. What should be there for dinner. Why I must adjust to the TV sound every day because I am the youngest. Why it feels as if you are almost attacking your family if you want a different, protein-rich meal every day, even though they are the most cooperative, nicest and non-fussy ones. (It’s me, I know bro.)

   When you are a teen away from home for the first time, having these things back at home feels nice, even a privilege. When you are a grown up, it feels like you do not have a say on your own life in your own home, and you must follow the rules of the land.

3. I will never be able to experience what parents actually feel sending their kids away from them. But at least in my case my parents do have their 3 out of 4 daughters (75% progeny) near them. They are not completely alone. Call it my privilege to be able to get out, but is it wrong to do what you can with your privilege?

Home(less)

Taylor Swift was 20 when she wrote “You will always find your way home.”

Exactly ten years later, at the age of 30, she wrote, “I can go anywhere I want, anywhere I want, just not home.”

This is exactly what happens to anyone who leaves home as a late teen and contemplates on life in mid-30s.

The Success Tax you pay living away from home

I have had countless moments where I would have something really nice to tell, something good that happened in my life or career, and I would be jumping around and call up my family.

A lot of the times, almost invariably, they would say something that would diminish my achievement or joy or both. You must be careful of what you are getting into. We just want to warn you. We want you to make sure you have thought about this. They do not do that on purpose. They really want me to be aware. They want the best for me.

The contention that “the world is a scary place and I must be aware” is right, just that when it continues to come up at the wrong time, it is a pattern.

So for the past 2-3 years it has come to a point where I have gotten several opportunities that are life changing. For a second even I could not believe this could happen to me.

And yet I have jumped by myself, alone, and been absolutely normal with my family over the call. Forget excitement, but they don’t even know what transpired.

It breaks my heart to see that back home no one is really happy of the positive changes that are happening in your life (not true for my parents, but true for extended family). For them, the only definition of you has shrunk down to “she lives away”, mints money, and let us forget she is a human.

So, what can we do to make our family or anyone feel at home?

1. If you are unconvinced with a decision of theirs about their life, have conversations. Not opinions, not decisions, not judgements. Open conversations to understand. And please know that when we accept people for who they are even if we disagree with them, they will go any length to accept us for who we are. Every action has equal and opposite reaction. You cannot draw abundant acceptance in lieu of radical resistance.

2. For anyone we interact, regardless of family or friend or an acquaintance, you never know the battles they are fighting underneath that smile. There was an ad of depression with two faces, one was a straight face and the other was smiling. It was later told the person who was smiling was the one dealing with depression. So it helps to be a nice human being always, so that it becomes your ongoing nature.

3. The way to make someone do something was never by condemning their choices, but by loving them regardless. Love is there, but the condemnation sometimes is also a part of the parcel.

This is not an anti-family post

As a matter of fact, my mom was worried about me yesterday the whole day how I was alone on my birthday. For the very first time in eternity, my father sent me a text message yesterday for my birthday. It was early morning and I was in the spiritual class so he texted. We spoke too, an hour later, so chill :))

But this is about the fact that loving your parents and living with them are not complementary things.

You could love them and still carve out your identity.

The family doesn’t conspire to be wrong

I also understand that our family is human too. And almost every adult is a victim of generational trauma that has been passed on in the DNA. But when you become aware, it is up to you to break it or to become a victim to it.

Breaking it has serious repercussions, some of those you read in different shapes and forms throughout this note, but it is any day better than accepting the trauma as default.

When you know better, you should do better too.

What to do now, if you are someone who is feeling home(less) despite having a home?

1. There is a song from the movie Anjaana Anjaani that goes,

“Jab hoga, andhera, tab paaega dar mera…us dar pe, phir hogi teri subah…
Tu na jaane aas paas hai Khuda”

2. In Bhagwad Gita, God says to Arjun, “Depend on me completely.”

I have never felt the truth of these statements dwindle, ever.

3. I have experienced this over and over and over again in my life, that each time I call God to make a decision on my behalf or be with me or guide me, it has given an outcome that my human self could never contemplate.

   I guess that is what keeps my parents at peace too, staying 500 kms away from me :)

Final words

2 weeks back, my elder sister had a minor accident while riding her scooter. Her vehicle was hit by a tempo traveller whose brakes had failed.

The way I got to know of this was when I called up my Mom around 9 in the morning, as I often do, and my father picked up. “Your Mom is massaging your sister, as she met with an accident.”

Whoa, a 43-year-old she having her mother next to her tending to her minor sprain.

Anyway, my sister and I cracked some jokes over the phone, and once I was certain that she wasn’t hurt too much, I hung up the phone and got back to work.

My mind then automatically took me to a chilly morning of Delhi in January 2024, when I woke up around 3 am unable to breathe. Neither with nose, nor with mouth. It was impossible to lie down. And when I would sit up, the only way to breathe was to open the mouth wide open.

I knew I needed immediate assistance.

But the independent person inside me would not want to wake up my landlord uncle and aunty (the nicest people ever) staying on the ground floor. I also have a few acquaintances in the same sector, but decided not to ping them.

Instead, I called up the ambulance of our nearby hospital, told them clearly that I can “walk and move so I don’t need ambulance per se” but because it was a breathing issue, I needed assistance. They were kind enough to send an ambulance anyway. The one I travelled in alone, along with the driver and 2 hospital staff.

For those wondering, I was nebulised and made to go back home in the latter half of the day.

There are a lot of people who know me directly, who are envious of the life I have here in Delhi away from home. They will never know the price I have had to pay.

Nishtha Gehija is a daily blogger on life and observations at nishtha dot blog, is an author of several books and ebooksa, and ghostwriter of books for CXOs.

Ciao.

Before we begin, here is some trivia that might be helpful for today:

I am a CA turned full-time writer. Yup, the latter is my full-time work for more than 6 years now..

Why am I telling this to you?

Because I will now take you through the most fun story of trolls that I go through, and how I have fun with it :)

I was once in a conference, where an acquaintance of mine was introducing me. So I believed there would be some teeny tiny bit of respect for the work I do, duh? What I instead got was “it takes courage to give up a lucrative career as a CA and pursue a small life as a writer”. Oops. I wish I was making this up :)

Earlier this week I met a practising CA, and after knowing my story, she said, “You must be needing more time that is why you perhaps became a writer?” Sigh.

This one is my favourite. A retired principal of a school (the kinda aunty whose grandkids go to Vietnam for a summer vacay :)) was borderline heartbroken when she heard about my career change. She legit looked at me from top to bottom and back to top, in pity disguised as concern, and asked, “Guzaara ho jaata hai?” I laugh about her reaction to date :))

Hand on heart, I must tell you all these are really nice people. People that our education system has successfully converted into believing you become rich only by a corporate thingy, and certainly never by pursuing arts.

I don’t blame them either. Our cinema has done the same for the longest time.

In the movie Dil Chahta Hai, it was the business tycoon’s son Aakash who lived in a bungalow in Mumbai, drove to Goa in his Mercedes, and flew to Australia in first class. Meanwhile Sid, the artist, ran from his home to his neighbour’s home. His financial existence was so minuscule that the makers didn’t even bother to show how he went from Mumbai to Kasauli :)

The reality of making money

Which is why, I want to walk you through the reality of how money functions. Not to prove the trolls wrong, but to help anyone think deeper beyond what is visible.

1. After a few initial years of working, it does not matter which background you came from. What matters is your attitude towards life and the conversation in your head. But only people with the right attitude would agree to it.

2. You’d be surprised to know, but richness has got nothing to do with how much you make (assuming people think I make less than a working CA). Richness is created out of a habit of investing. This means someone making ₹20,000 could be rich, and someone making ₹5,00,000 per month could be poor, based on their habits.

3. A wealth manager I know often tells stories about people’s relationship with money. If there is only one thing I could tell you from so many of such stories, it is this: What you see in people’s lifestyles is never a reflection of people’s wealth. Read the previous line again because it is so important.

4. At some point, money is all a mindset.

5. When you have the self-worth to not judge people by the society’s standards, that is when you are really rich.

Why is it important to have this conversation?

Not to prove how much my income and net worth is. That is not the point here.

It is important to have this conversation because:

• So much of what we see is our biases playing through. Coming back to Dil Chahta Hai, we all see the rich Aakash because he is wandering around in Sydney because he is bored. But we could never imagine Sid doing it, even if he was filthy rich. He would very well be sitting in his home and painting. An artist is so fulfilled with their lives that they forget everything else automatically. But I think only the artists have the art to understand it.

• There is no right or wrong way. If you love corporates, go do it. If you hate it and are an artist, I am happy for you too. This is no diss into corporate cuties. Fun fact: Even I became an artist because I was pushed into hell with no parachute. Might as well learn to fly :)

• Why is money still a metric of success in 2026? Wasn’t everything about being a nice person? Like a really nice person who cares but who draws boundaries, etc. waala nice person.

• Last year, I had gone to Om Shanti Retreat Centre in Gurugram for a 3-day meditation retreat. One of the practices of the retreat is when the spiritual class gets over around 7.30 am, everyone should ideally go and do sewa for 30-60 minutes. It is sort of we “earning” our meals for the day. I happily went for the sewa of painting the block boundaries surrounding the garden. Think of painting the yellow and white blocks on the pavement. In those 30 minutes, I learnt at least 5 nuances about painting. Yet I can bet the blocks I painted were the worst. Every job appears easy when someone else is doing it.

The point I am trying to make here is that there is almost zero correlation between what someone does for work and how much money you have.

It becomes all the more important to live with this nuance, because life is rarely black and white. 

That is it.

Oh wait, one more thing. I thought for long if I actually wanted to write this essay, but I went ahead with it for just one reason:

Just in case, btw, a detailed essay on how to become a successful freelancer drops exactly after 2 weeks, on 04th July.

And for the trolls that wonder how much I make or do I make more or less than I would as a CA, well: Dude, I am a Sindhi way before I became a CA. What do you expect?

To explain more to trolls, I honestly do not have time today baby. Today is the due date of payment of monthly GST, they might know. Oh wait, how would they know :)))

2 Raw One-Liners:

• “You don’t have a lot of friends because you are not cunning.”

  — my Mom

• No one regretted an hour of workout. No one rejoiced an hour of social media.

3 (for) Real realisations I have been having about life lately:

1. The biggest factor to making yourself fitter is stretching well. It gives you the power for the next workout.

2. Do the nice things even if no one is watching. There is nothing more liberating than being true to yourself.

3. And when people know you are by default nice, be nice still, without having them walk over you and crush your niceness (I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here, coz I remember it All Too Well.)

Alrighty friends, let me know how you found today’s essay. I personally enjoyed the blend of fun with a serious conclusion.

Chalo, I will see you next Saturday.

PS: The “5 things” essay now goes on my daily blog nishtha dot blog every Wednesday, just in case you were wondering.

If you weren’t, awesome. Nothing changes at your end. Have a great weekend. <3

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

Last year I turned 34. And for over one year or so, I have been feeling what I have now come to call as the mid-thirties disorientation.

It is not depression.

It is disorientation. (Haha, I did not write it using ChatGPT, so chill :))

It is that one short phase of your life (that sometimes lasts a little longer than a year) where you are not fully yourself.

It is your brain at the bridge, of not being able to keep up with the person you were and the person you are becoming.

You are unknowingly dragging far from who you have been for the longest time. Yet you do not find it alien.

As much as you try to resist this life change, it is in a manner shattering everything you have been, but doesn’t serve you anymore. And another part of you is beginning to emerge on its own.

It is important that we talk about it here.

Before the mid-thirties disorientation, you are carrying on the do-more-get-more-done energy of your 20s. After this disorientation phase is over, you are going towards do-less-but-turn-things-to-gold energy into life.

In your 20s and early 30s, aka before this disorientation phase, you had nothing.

You worked so much and so hard to build everything you have now.

Career.
Money.
Network.
Internal stability.
The face that smiles even when the heart has broken 17th time during the day.
The tiny smile that unconsciously pops up when you see your nephew and niece struggle with career, because you know they will turn out fine.
The fact that you dealt with so many hells you hadn’t ever anticipated.
The innumerable times you saw a joyful relationship (and I’m not even talking romantic here) turn into non-existent, because hey, you were naive and did not understand how the real world functions.

It is something everyone goes through in their 20s and 30s, mostly unaware, yet they do.

It may manifest itself as a career shattering apart (in the moment) or feeling disconnected from who you are as a person or maybe making decisions that are not aligned with who you are.

Your parents were perhaps in their mid-thirties when they gave you the childhood trauma, effects of which are somehow visible to date

I also studied a lot of people I know in person and respect, who went through a similar valley of disorientation around similar age.

….

But this mid-thirties disorientation is a special place reserved only for driven, strong, focused, high achievers.

I call it disorientation because the other side of this mess is magnificence.

Priyanka Chopra once quoted Beyonce, saying, “I am on the other side of my sacrifice.” She meant she has worked hard enough ever since she was a 20 year old, that now she has crossed the bridge of sacrifice to supreme success, has gotten on the other side, and now she chooses her projects and the life she lives.

This disorientation is exactly that bridge.

Life is different for everyone. And this disorientation is something no-one can prepare you for. You will only know once you have passed that bridge.

I have been going through that for over last one year or so. It has been a messy year, to say the least. I appear put together but almost everything is shattering apart.

So much so that the 3 days I have had in the last 365 days when nothing was falling apart, I wondered if life was supposed to be so easy!

It was precisely the reason I did not do the year-end review at the end of 2025. I was so disoriented that I could not convince myself to put a mask and tell you “here are the things that happened in my life”.

Everything was externally good — the career, the success, the family time, the joys of life — but you know in your heart you are internally falling apart. Which is what even I was going through for a long time.

But a part of me now feels things are coming together for good.

You cannot point out how, but you know in your heart.

…

On the other side of this sacrifice, on the other side of this disorientation, is something you had never expected. Something so distant that you had even forgotten that it existed.

You now start experiencing a childlike joy.

Some of which also manifests as:

You stop explaining to others when they feel bad of the right things you do. Their intent of feeling bad is too much about them and not about you. “Ja bhai, khush ho ja tu agar bura maanne se tujhe khushi milti hai to. I am so done with explaining myself hazaar baar.”

You altogether stop trying in certain relationships, which have always taken you for granted. It is not a way of seeking revenge from them, it is just accepting that some people do not want you but your constant unasked validation.

You even become funny, because you have experienced everything else, honey.

With me, I have also never felt such need to dance and jump with joy at the tiny things, as I have been feeling for the past several weeks.

After this disorientation, you only do things that matter to you, instead of saying yes perpetually. Your productivity, money, career, health — everything you touch turns to gold.

When failure does arrive, it least bothers you. You know you are beyond that, so you navigate it like a pro. When success arrives, you are proud of yourself but you do not let it get to your head. Your only success now is staying true to yourself. Not a lot of people understand this. But you don’t care anymore either.

This other side of the disorientation phase, is a fearless and a joyful human, that has a special power that can make anything happen. And not care about everything they do not want to make happen.

…

Just that this shattering of your mid-30s that lasts a little longer than you thought, takes a lot from you. It tests your patience, it tests your self-confidence, it tests every ounce of courage you did not even know existed in you.

Yet you simply let go of the stains of the end of the day, brush them off, get up next morning, dress up and show up.

The world thinks you are so put together, but the world was never ever right about their perception of you anyway.

…

It reminds me of the Murakami quote:

….

The mid-30s disorientation is like puberty. Earlier or before, it hits everyone.

It is not the end of life. Just the beginning of a whole new, lighter, happier, richer, more joyful life.

For those who are on the pre-side of this disorientation find this daydreaming. If you are there, you might perhaps not even understand a lot of what I am speaking about.

But the ones on the other side of their sacrifice, on the other side of their disorientation, are wilfully nodding their heads to this :)

2 Raw One-Liners:

• Quiet is the new cool.

• Money can’t buy taste. You must acquire it.

3 (for) Real deep blogs you’d enjoy if you hate doomscrolling and liking/commenting, but love good content:

1. The world isn’t a fair place

2. Do you know why Shah Rukh Khan is richer than thou?

3. My dear…

That’s all my friend for this weekend.

A part of me had been aching to write today’s Raw and Real for the longest time, just that I did not know it had to be written :) Such is the art :))

I will see you next Saturday.

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

Clean your room/a part of it. For knowledge workers, the act of moving your body in *free time* is an antidepressant. You get your best ideas then.

Fun fact: When I walk, I burn 200Kcal in ~100 minutes of walk. When I sprint, I burn 200Kcal in less than 20 minutes of sprint. Get bored so you can sprint when you work.

PS: Towards the end, sharing one of the random screenshots from my device, that I think you’d like too:

We are back to our weekly Raw and Real conversations. Yasss!!!

I have been meaning to come back for the last 2-3 weeks, but here are we are finally. And now we will stay consistent every week.

Along with this, you will also receive a tiny “5 cool things about X” every Wednesday, such as 5 Ways to get bored, 5 beautiful things I have learnt from spirituality, 5 unusual lessons I have learnt from Taylor Swift, and so on. It is going to be a short, quick check in with you to get to feel you inspired in the most raw and real way.

As usual, please let me know what you think of these.

With that, let’s get started.

Raw and Real Conversation

When my Mom goes to Nani’s house, she asks me to book an Uber for her. For commutes of either sides.

One of those days, when my Mom was returning from Nani’s house, the traffic police stopped the Uber driver midway. For the 5 minutes that my Mom was waiting in the car, she figured perhaps the car was not in the driver’s name, hence the hiatus.

She called me and asked what to do. Since she was only a kilometre away from home and the police <> driver conversation did not seem to be ending, we both decided she should get out of the cab and start walking.

The point to note, though, is she was completely safe, but it was none of her business (more particularly as a senior citizen) to be lobbying for a situation like this.

She reached home despite the uber driver asking her to wait, my money for the entire trip was deducted, and now the ball was in my court to complain, etc.

Later during the day when we both were laughing at this adventure, we mutually decided to not tell about this incident to anyone in the family.

We both were confident that my father and sisters would all say something to the tune of:

“You should be vigilant.” Bro, wasn’t she already?

“You should not travel via Uber next time.” Bro, will you drive the car and drop and pick her up the next time and every other time, exactly at the timings convenient to her?

“The world is bad, stay away from such people.” Haven’t unexpected problems sometimes cropped up in your work, despite your best efforts? It takes a clear mind to understand that uncertainty is the most certain law of life.

High agency, then, making the choice to do the the next right thing when something wrong happens, instead of sneaking away from wrong altogether, which anyway is impossible.

The question now is:

Why am I even telling this to you?

Because the most important thing in life is to be a safe person for others.

My mom and I were that safe person for each other, but our rest of the family isn’t.

We both thought it was an adventure, and we dealt with it. There was nothing we could do to change that minuscule thing before or during the uber trip. So there is absolutely no point for either of us to blame the other after that trip.

The conditions would have been different if she was far away from home or stranded on a highway, yet I think being safe person for each other we both would have figured it out.

The sad part is, most people in the world are NOT that safe person.

The uber trip is an example. We have all seen people around us launch an unnecessary tirade at others on the most petty as well as prodigious issues only out of habit.

They are always on the fence blaming others. We tend to consistently walk on eggshells around them. Their mind creates an imaginary massive misfortune out of smidgen situations.

On the other hand, here is what safe people allow you to do:

1. You can be absolutely honest around them. Even if what you say is not a praise but a criticism, nothing you say triggers them into an unexpected behaviour.

2. If they are displeased with something you say or do, they are still a safe person. They will reach out to you like an adult and share what hurt them. They trust you that you will fix that.

3. They do not give you the silent treatment or expect you to play the guessing game. Even if they need the space to be silent, they communicate it.

4. When safe people are hurt, their hurt is about something you did, not on you as a person or your character. Their trust toward you as a human never dwindles.

5. Problems turn into adventures for them and with them.

6. They have the maturity of a grandma and the playfulness of a child.

7. Most importantly, they spread joy to anything they do, everyone they interact with. Their baseline status is growth, not resignation to the miserable myth called life.

Needless to say, it takes effort to be a safe person.

It is so easy to be married to your perpetual problems and wear them as a badge, as an excuse to be an atrocious human being.

It takes effort to deal with your problems yet appear lighter with others, because you care for them also and not just for yourself.

I have consistently come to observe and conclude that safe people are usually those who spend time with themselves every day, in some way or the other. That 1-2 hours per day are their necessary “me” time, none of which includes internet, but is often a combination of workout, reading, meditation, sitting in silence, or doing some activity individually.

They fill their internal well, so that they do not outpour their emptiness to everyone.

They are a selfish person in order to become a selfless person.

On the other hand, when we do not attend to ourselves consistently, we repeatedly become an exasperation for everyone else. People don’t say it, they might perhaps even not know it, but they always feel it.

Be a safe person baby.

Life is too short for anyone to go through an unexpected uber adventure and purposefully keep you out of it.

2 Raw Realisations I have been having about creativity lately:

• The best time to share about your work to others is when you are done with the execution process. Marketing works the best when creation is done.

• The best creativity is the one where you receive answers in your shower to the question you had been pondering about

3 Cool One Liners for you to think as you step into the weekend:

1. “The parts of you that you hide end up controlling you.” —Carl Jung

2. “If you sit by a river long enough, the body of your enemy will float by.” —Sun Tzu, The Art of War

3. In your 20s, you feel hurt at least 18 times a day. After turning 31, you stop feeling hurt altogether. — 20s versus 30s, the instant access e-book

Alrighty then, my friend.

It makes me feel a little more useful that I will see you every week starting today.

Here’s to creating beautiful essays on life and excellent beauties of life!

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Today is 150th edition of Raw and Real. Yayyy!

Doing this constantly for 150 weeks straight (I think I had skipped one week in between). But other than that, a streak of almost 3 years. Wow.

Today I want to let you know I am taking a small break from this weekly Raw and Real.

I have been meaning to do this for the last 6 months, but I kept pushing myself, mostly because I did not want to disappoint people who wrote “please keep doing this, never stop”.

I promise I’m not stopping. But I need to pause.

Wish there was a reason I could point fingers at, that I could give you right now. But if you have known me well over these editions of Raw and Real, you sort of know how I operate with intuition.

Whenever I have prolonged working on something and delayed taking a pause, it has always robbed me of the love for that task. Something I do not want to be doing here, for what we have built.

No idea when and how I will come back. Maybe I should think of doing Raw and Real like seasons of Friends, with ~23-25 episodes per season, which amounted to half the weeks of the year.

While half remaining the weeks where there was no output was exactly where the magic happened.

I hope you’d respect my decision and also continue pouring your love when I do come back.

Btw, a few things:

1. I am never stopping writing. The daily blog will continue as it has been. You can come read there if you wish to. It’s crisp, punchy, and it’s strange that writing ~3,000 posts over the last 10 years has never drained me.

2. Every other thing I do in writing and work remains BAU. Just that this Raw and Real required a different level of thinking and planning, for which I want to pause.

3. It is intentional to make a specific post like this instead of disappearing without notice. If you are also planning to pause something you love but cannot because “you love it”, maybe this inspires you.

4. Please keep reading good books, going for nature walks, meditating, exercising, and doing excellent work. (At this point I have become your mom :))

5. And, lastly, here are some of my instant access ebooks. At a very special discount as my (temporary) parting gift for you. Read these any time you miss Raw and Real.

See you soon. Keep walking <3

Nishtha Gehija

See you next week, which is going to be the 150th edition of Raw and Real, where I will share a bittersweet announcement.

Thank you guys.

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

Two weeks back, I was miserable for something I had never expected.

I had had one of the best days at work. Life was going better than planned. A project that made a lot of things difficult was now coming to fruition.

Later in the day, as I spoke to my parents over the phone, my father told me he had a headache.

Now let’s be practical, we are not fools here. Who gets miserable on their father having a headache?

But the reality was that he had started having these headaches as a result of his acidity. Which is a result of lack of movement and irregular meal timings.

It honestly made me scared. I had the worst case scenarios in my mind. I even ended up crying in my meditation later that evening. (I almost never cry.)

It also made me play a “what-if” game.

What if he had taken care of his health better?
What if he lived for himself as much as he lived for everyone else?
Why does self-care feel like crime to Indian parents?

Also the other area of what-if’s:

What if he could just sit with me for 5 minutes when I was younger?
What if he for once could stop being so nostalgic and look at the present?
What if he smiled with joy because of his kids, and not out of responsibility?
What if he focused on building his wealth for himself, if not for us?
What if I failed as a daughter?
What if he failed as a father?

It was an internal battle that I hadn’t even thought I’d fight in those 2-3 days.

But it was a phase.

I decided to have a clear communication with him. That was the only way to solve it. Over the call on the third day of misery, I politely told him, “To me it looks like you are waiting for your death. You have always lived for us, do you not think you should really live for us, and not wait for this living to get over?”

I think it reinforced a belief in himself too, that we are not waiting for his death!

Gosh, the whole world could be so much better if we replaced non-communication with communication.

One of the best decisions I did was to speak with my father.

He has now started taking care of his health by bringing some changes in his lifestyle. At least he claims so :D. He now has also gotten regular with his medicine. You know, the good old nuskha where Indian parents would do anything but never get an “operation” done :)) I guess it was enough to get him to work other things out.

After that conversation, by a turn of fate I was reading Zarna Garg’s memoir, “This American Woman”. She lost her mother at 14. Her all-time angry cum frustrated father gave her the ultimatum, “Get married now or leave the house.”

She did not want to get married. She wanted to study. So she lived on the streets of Mumbai for almost two years. Taking charity from friends, relatives of friends, and everyone she could ask.

After those gruelling two years of stinking, sacrificing self respect, and at a point of running out of money, she finally gave up and returned home. Forget education, now she was 16 and getting married to a 25 year old business tycoon’s son.

All this while, her sister in the US was pushing her to come to the States. Zarna even appeared for visa interviews, only to get rejected.

As life would have it, maybe two days before her “marriage”, she got her US visa approved. She went straight to the airport, lest she could be caught.

When she made herself comfortable with her sister, brother-in-law and nephew in the US, her brother in law told her something that brought everything home for me:

"You can stay here as long as you ant. Get your degree. Get three degrees. Get ten. Study as much as you want. Take as much time as you want.”

It made me think, I might have held several things against my father in the past, but the one thing he never ever ever compromised on was education.

I think I have shared this before, but in 2007 when my eldest sister was at our home after her delivery, I had lost my study room (which was also a bed-room) to her. I was now studying in our tiny drawing room (a term only used in Indian homes), making my studies work out on the rectangular centre table.

One of those days, my father saw me crying in the drawing room when he had come home for lunch. I was crying because my massive study table had been taken away from me.

My father consoled me, hugged me, and then went off to his shop.

Apparently.

Well, it turns out, he had gone to his shop, picked up an employee from there, and went straight to get a new study table for me. In less than an hour, he was home with a new desk and a chair, perfect for study.

I can never forget what that table and chair meant for me. I was sixteen then. I went on to study on that desk for the rest of my student years, for the next seven years, till I went on to become a CA and move out to Delhi.

After reading Zarna’s memoir (and watching some of her podcasts too), I have figured that this rich, super successful, famous woman would have given an arm and a leg to have a father like mine.

A father who prioritised her daughter’s education.

And make no mistake, my father comes from a conservative family. A family that once used to worship sons and give zero impetus to a daughter. He does not have any son. We are four sisters. Still he never said no to any education we all wanted to have.

My eldest sister has a postgraduate degree as well as a Commercial Arts Diploma. My middle sister also has a postgraduate degree as well as an O’level diploma (which was hot back then). The sister just older than me is a triple post graduate.

Never said no to education.

From 2020 to mid 2023, I used to work with Ankur Warikoo, leading his entire content vertical. One of the best performing quotes of his back then (now I don’t have access to data, obviously) on all platforms was:

“If your parents are not rich, but you got a good education, be grateful for their sacrifices.”

I never understood this quote back then. My lower self would always think “But what about the times he was not present?”

Little do I realise now, that my silver lining could have become someone else’s joy of a lifetime.

We always think our parents could have done that, should have done that. I have done that too.

But if you got a good education (of course you did, otherwise you won’t be reading till here), everything else is solvable. Of course you would have to solve and it in most cases no one would understand you, I still think education opens doors for growth as well as gratitude.

Whenever I write about looking at a silver lining with your parental trauma, someone invariably says, “BUT YOU DON’T KNOW, MY GRUDGE IS BIGGER. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THERAPY I STILL HAVE TO TAKE BECAUSE OF MY PARENTS.”

I’ll leave you with two things here:

One, because I love my parents, I stay away from them. To protect the love as well as myself. Not everyone has to do that. For me, this arrangement works best.

Two, Oprah shared this line from the book “Kin” by Tayari Jones, which I want you to reflect on:

“What if we had been so carelessly raised because (our parents) were just too exhausted to dote on us. What if it turned out that it wasn’t personal after all?”

It wasn't personal, my friend. I promise. I truly wish neither of your parents have to come up with a diagnosis for you to understand this.

2 Raw One-Liners:

• The most important skill is to learn how to listen to a no.

• Home is where there is no phone.

3 (for) Real nice books I have been reading and re-reading lately:

1. Of course, This American Woman by Zarna Garg. What a story of hard work and resilience. And once you watch her podcasts too, you might conclude that life is so different from what we all project in a reel.

2. Tools of Titans by Tim Ferris. If you like to read shorter yet meaningful stuff, this is your go-to. I cannot even begin to tell you how much my life gets better after I randomly pick one chapter and put it back. It is costlier than the usual book prices, but absolutely worth the price. Cut your pizza and Starbucks and that H&M tee, but please get this book. I don’t say this for a lot of books, but this one has to be on your bookshelf.

3. Why the Poor Don’t Kill Us by Manu Joseph. It’s bizarre how so far nonfiction had only meant self-help or business books or memoirs for me. This one is none of those. I find it amusing, yet the satire is on everyone who does find it amusing. Not something I’d actively look for, but a good change I liked what this book brought up.

Alright then my friend, enjoy the weather. Fun fact: For the first time in my existence, I wore a light jacket yesterday during the Navratri’s. We might like this weather, but I think this is Mother Nature coming back at us for what we have done to it.

I wish you all stay safe, have supplies to cook your food, and are grateful for your food as well as your father :)

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

Almost everyone has a difficult time saying no.

The ones who are good at saying a polite no, I have learned, have developed an important side skill, which we are going to talk about today.

The skill to listen to a no.

If you are organising a house party at one of the friends’ places and one friend does not come, we must develop the skill to be okay (and absolutely okay with it).

Or the fact that someone does not want to be a part of a project.

Or the fact that someone does not want to go out on a weekend and chill, and do nothing at home.

Our subconscious makes us think saying no is the biggest crime in the history of the world.

So we take ourselves on a self-sponsored guilt trip when we want to say no. (And rarely say it.) Or we loudly and vocally judge someone who said no. (How could they say no when I can’t say it when I want to?)

While saying no is an important life skill, an equally important one is to listen to a no. To respect someone’s no without judging or, more importantly, souring your relationship with them.

Some ways to develop the ability to stomach a no:

1. Please know that no one, absolutely no one, is operating based on your operating system. They are operating based on theirs. So their no is not a reflection of your lack of love or lack of intent. They might want to spend time with themselves, have some space, or maybe have 983 things running in the back that you might not be aware of.

2. Someone who truly has self respect (not the fake confidence donned with charisma but the real respect for themselves) is absolutely okay with someone else’s no. We love you. We respect you. Peace.

3. Others saying no should inspire you too, to put your foot down, stop being a people pleaser, and say no when you want to. It should drive you forward instead of driving you insane.

I am certain if we started accepting the “no’s” of people, we’d build a healthy culture that promotes speaking the truth. Otherwise people would continue burying themselves in non-existent meetings and family gatherings just to escape a group that only accepts yes-people.

Saying no is a complete sentence. You know that already.

Accepting a no gracefully is complete self-respect too. Only the rich of heart can afford it.

2 Raw One-Liners:

• Your life affects your family. Break some rules, but be a little cautious before breaking some hearts.

• People are scrolling on social media because they do not have good books to read. (Fun fact: I always keep a stack of books in front of me/on my desk/on my bedside so that I always have sources of good dopamine.)

3 (for) Real things to be grateful for:

1. Cooking gas that cooks our food. So little do we realise how blessed we are until a crisis hits our doorstep.

2. On that note, I was wondering this morning that having necessities like water, electricity, fruits, food grains — all of these are such massive privileges. None of our fame, fortune, fossils would be able to

3. Your mindset. A mindset that can handle almost any uncertainty. I know like I know like I know God will never keep me hungry or starving or sad. We just need to trust God more than anyone else, while we continue taking wise actions.

On that note, wish you a peaceful weekend, my friend.

I’ll see you next week.

Nishtha Gehija

rawreal.in || nishtha.blog

Anyway, let’s begin.

But before we do, here is a little deep dive into who I am and what I do:

I am a CA, now a full-time writer. I write columns for publications and ghostwrite books for CXOs. I have ghostwritten 12-14 books so far, several of which have gone on to become bestsellers.

Why are others not bestsellers?

How is a bestseller even made?

What is the biggest mistake an author makes?

Also, a lot of behind-the-scenes confessions that you are going to love.

First things first, I am not going to be sharing gossip about my clients, “you know what once what he/she did to me…” Nope. That is never the agenda here.

The agenda is to share some inside tropes into my life and career that I believe would be helpful in your life too, even if your life and career and entirely different from mine.

Let’s go, ladies and gentlemen!!!

1. The number one thing I must do as a ghostwriter is speed. People who write books along with their main job usually take a year. So since I do this as a full-time profession, I must get it done quickly.

2. Speed comes from focus. Focus comes from blandly being unavailable on Instagram, X, doing very little things on LinkedIn, and most importantly, working in uninterrupted blocks of time.

3. Focus also comes from concentrating most meetings into one or two days, so that I have the rest 3 days to myself writing. Because on days there is a meeting, you have to centre your entire day around that meeting.

4. A bestseller has two components to it: A good book + great marketing. By bestseller, I mean something that stays on the bestseller list for several weeks. It is very easy to put a book on bestseller list at the time of its launch, mostly by unethical ways. Unfortunately a lot of people do that. The real game is to be sustainably bestselling, which only a few books achieve.

5. You will be even surprised to know that there are some really excellent books out there in the market that never reached the bestseller status, yet are building a wonderful customer base of their own.

6. Bestseller, thus, is a very poor criterion to pick up a book as a reader. I have picked up tens of “bestsellers” that were yikes. I have also come across books that were not bestsellers but deserved to be. Marketing and product, though help each other, but at some place are also mutually exclusive.

7. The biggest mistake any author makes is that they can pay their way to marketing. It is like paying your way to raising your kids. No matter how many tasks you outsource, the task of raising your kid has to be done by you. So is the marketing of the book. No matter if you are picked by the best publisher or are self-publishing, it is always and always your responsibility to market your book.

8. No self-publishing package is worth the value. Self-publishing is free or at best in less than four digits of pricing. Run away from everything else. I am pro self-publishing, but anti self-publishing packages.

9. Having a following certainly helps in the initial sales of books. But every single day I come across great books (that are also long term bestsellers) from authors that do not have an iota of social presence. The world gives you evidence of what you are looking for.

10. At this stage in my career, I get a fair idea of how a book is going to turn out in the writing stage itself. I was once speaking to a client of mine who was on the call from the airport, unable to dig time in her office hours due to extensive travel. It was our third consecutive call where she was on the road. But the eloquence, the clarity, the depth of content that came out of her mouth when we were interacting made me ultraconfident that the book is going to be magnanimous. The book is something that ebbs and flows in her day in and day out. She is passionate about it and can speak about it for hours without thinking. THAT, my friend, is the biggest sign of a great book.

11. I have also come across instances where the author is forcing themselves to “write more content” to cover a wider audience. That is the most fatal mistake. Your audience is the smallest, viable audience. If you focus on just them, they are going spread your word on your behalf. If your product (book) is for everyone, it is for no one.

12. One of the biggest lessons for me is to draw fences around my time. I will do 200% to make the book excellent, but I will always walk away from a publisher conversation the author is having. I don’t join zoom calls with the publisher, nor do I read the client’s publishing contracts. Not my business. Not for my time. I respect the fact that the author is going to give me credit in their book, but my time and commitment is to ghostwriting, not the publisher conversations. Time is my biggest ally, and I have to be very certain on what I am going to be generous on (writing an excellent book) and what is an absolute no-no.

13. My job is not just a ghostwriter. It is a miniature version of the grand job that is often hidden. So technically my job is also to extract stories, anecdotes, life lessons, content from CXOs who have it subconsciously in their mind, but not at the surface. When I was in my first year in college (and in hostel), my roommate (who was in her final year) dedicated a song to me, “…tere maasoom sawaalon se pareshaan hu main.” I used to ask her a LOT of questions about how everything worked, in the hostel, in that city, in this new world. Now I extrapolate this to life and as I ask endless questions to my clients, they often say, “Talking to you I end up sharing things I had totally forgotten about.” Life has its own unique way of coming full circles.

14. I am also a consultant on how everything around a book functions. And fun fact, I have to share every suggestion as if it is the client’s suggestion, even though it was not :) In another context, at this moment I only share consultation on what is the part on writing a book. There are 100 branches of consultation that come from it, and I stay quiet. You put money on the table and then you get my opinions. And yes, all you people judging me, you’d be applauding for me if I was a man.

    

15. Everyone has a unique journey, even in similar professions. I think what really works for me is clarity of heart and intent. I would do nothing other than writing books, and that passion as well as clean heart undoubtedly translates itself into great work. There are 10,000 opportunities for me to cut corners and deliver shabby work to the client. But my work is my signature. I get to go to bed with myself every night. There is no room for betrayal in that relationship.

16. Lastly, I say this often that nothing is going to fulfil you if you leave your inner self unfulfilled. And if you tend to your inner self daily, it will guide you home. True for writing. True for books. True for everything you do and don’t do.

Hope you had fun reading this, as I had fun writing this too :)

The picture above is a good spin on what Women’s Day would look like too.

Chalo chalo, have fun, have a great weekend.

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

Earlier this week I ordered some 4-5 books from Amazon. It was my stock for the long weekend reads.

One of those books was a very popular book that some influencers on LinkedIn had recommended. Alright then, let us give this book (that I am not at all drawn towards) a try.

As I flipped the book to the back cover, the author’s picture was also there.

Exactly at that moment I knew the book is going to be blah, meh, ew.
Which is what it was. I have now put it in my car boot for my car cleaning bhaiya to carry it for his daughter.

Please note that this is not a comment on the looks of that author. I don’t care how anyone looks.

Instead, what is very much visible through anyone’s face is who they are as a person.

It is not about the high resolution picture, make up, lighting, some face mark or some other mark that the world identifies as “less beautiful”. Yet the in someone’s face, their inner being is clearly visible. They might not certainly be “bad” or “evil” but you clearly know they are not your type.

It is visible in people’s LinkedIn pictures, their “happy” Instagram carousels and WhatsApp DPs clicked candidly at the perfect golden hour.

The best part is we all have this ability and this intuition to gauge people.

The worst part is some of us are too engaged in hating on others, giving people the needless benefit of doubt and ignoring the obvious behind what is said. It is a habit because we are too scared to trust ourselves. So we trust someone who does not need to be trusted. At least later we would blame them for messing up and not ourselves for making the wrong decision.

Take a deep breath bro.

For example, when I get LinkedIn connection requests, I can tell clearly from the sender’s picture if they genuinely intend to connect or they are simply here to spam or meander around.

I even did 2-3 experiments where the other person’s profile was good but DP told me they are not a good person I would want to be connected with, yet I accepted the connection request. Never, never once did they disappoint me. Status quo is a state well reflected in the face.

See this uncle in the picture. He was one of those 2-3 shady people whose connection request I accepted. My (internal) response to the first message: “Bhai it is none of your business how I am doing. Especially if you are not following that up with a work line.”

Then I removed the connection request, and lo and behold the true colours ladies and gentlemen. It makes me wonder people are even keeping track of who they are connected with. Even in my most free and time-wasting moments I have never gone down that ditch.

Obviously I have now blocked him (after taking this screenshot of course).

Not because he was coming to do some dirty talk with me. But I honestly am not that person who talks to random strangers on the internet about anything other than work. This person might be a diamond for some. For me, it is simply an unwanted rock.

What I am trying to tell you is a border thing, that we are interacting with people all of the time.

If you hire the wrong person who is right on paper, you have a daily headache.

If you join the wrong company where your manager is apparently successful yet political, you will suffer daily.

Even if you hire the wrong house help who is visibly hands on, they are going to cause you a lot of unwanted pain.

If the intuition says someone might not be your type, they are not worth even a dime of your time. Your life is not a guinea pig where you allow all kinds of people to come experiment with your mindset and energy.

This means that you have to keep looking for the right person. With the right person, you will always know. They say this with marriage however you live your life with other people too. Pick those people really well. You are not here to change everyone with your goodness. Over time their internal Komalika will rob you of your goodness.

Have more options. The first one is not the last one. Especially at all the relationships you have chosen (which is everyone other than your blood relatives).

If you have a “chalta hai” attitude towards yourself, the universe will replicate it with people exactly like that.

You have a class. May you bring only people who match that.

2 Raw One-Liners

• I have 10 books inside of me, but I am too tired to write them…

• Maybe the endgame is not to visit as many places in the world, but to sit along with your cousins and jam to Kun Faaya Kun in your real voices.

3 (for) Real nice quotes I found that you might love:

I keep an excel with some good quotes I come across. Here are some from the archive which I added last week:

1. “There’ll be happiness after me/But there was happiness because of me” —Taylor Swift

2. “We are embarrassed about things we should be proud of, and proud of things we should be embarrassed about.” —Jerry Seinfeld (His TED talk at Duke is WOW. Along with the content of course, he is self-assured and loud without being demeaning. I don’t remember the last time I saw someone so dignified who wasn’t putting a facade.)

3. “You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.” ― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

That is it my friend.

Have a great long weekend.

Wish you have all the fun with the right people :)

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

If there is anyone that spreads hate in any comment or response, they are straight away blocked. Even if they might be someone who might benefit my business.

The same treatment goes for “Hi Nishtha, how are you” OR “I am in awe of you” kind of men. I am not here for dating or becoming your extra-marital thing, and no content of mine has ever pointed at that.

It makes life peaceful beyond measure.

Simple mantra that works:

You cannot come to my home with your trash and litter all around.

Rule 2: Don’t follow ANYONE

Think of the most influential person you can think of. I am personally inspired a lot by Virat Kohli, Roger Federer and Taylor Swift.

But the admiration is for the work they do and the kind of human beings they are.

I do not become their worshipper or an angry human on the internet to everyone who is not pro these people, because none of us is here to follow anyone.

Pick the best of everyone who think is good, and then go create your own self.

At this opportune moment, let us all remember what Taylor Swift said:

“You’re the only one of you, baby that’s the fun of you!!!”

Rule 3: No mood off season

Of the 1,000 benefits of reading daily and spiritual classes, one of the biggest benefits is to learn how to change your mood.

We feel the world owes us something when we are upset.

It doesn’t.

Day in and day out I have also experienced that the universe keeps getting rigged in your favour if you go out into the world with a lit up mood, not an angry burden of resentments and regrets.

Might as well talk to ourselves, switch up our mood, and learn the lessons for the next time.

Rule 4: No negativity rule. Especially no negativity to yourself.

Something I would never say to myself “I just cannot do _____”

This does not mean I do not face any difficulties in life.

What I rather do is tell God about my day every night, and every day multiple times during the day. And then go about my day.

I either land up with a solution at the right time, or I gather the courage to take myself to the solution, or I learn to live with it.

That is all you can do. That is all I think we need to.

Rule 5: No gossip rule

Gossip is like chatpata chat. You are drawn to it more than well-cooked and boiled meals. It seems tasty, attracts more people towards it, and irresponsible humans love being victims.

My fundamental rule is do not talk about people at their back, if you would not speak the same thing when they were around.

It takes effort and a ton of discipline. It also leaves me with so few friends. But I am left with the right friends, so to say.

Saves your energy for the rest of your life. And saves yourself too from the tyranny of loathing your own brethren.

…

I am sure you live your life by some rules too, that make it 5X better. Let me know which one is it, so that I could also learn from it.

Last week when I was at my parents’ home I was going into the kitchen, when my father stopped me to share some wonderful news about our nation’s development that he just saw on TV.

I politely said, “I would love to chat with you (and I crave for that) but I do not want to put news about the world into my mind before sleeping.” And then followed that up with, “Koi satsang ki baat hai to chalo donon saath mein karte hain.” The tonality was soft, because he is father.

I am glad he understood and did not take it to the heart.

At the same time, you have to be the one protecting yourself. No one is coming to save you. But if you are there for yourself, everyone is coming there to support you in ways unlimited.

That is all for this week my friend.

See you next Saturday. Enjoy the long weekend.

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

Hello hello my friend,

In December last year, I was reached out to by an incredible company for a phenomenal one-time writing project.

It is stuff of dreams. Like by the end of this year I would have called it one of the top 10 projects of my year.

Though I have done projects like that in 2025 and 2024 as well, and it is always a wonderful feeling to get work that brings out the best in you.

Just that, something about that project was just not working out. I was supposed to be happy after our conversations but I always left drained and doubtful. Something that does not happen on my other projects that make me happy.

On paper, on the outside, from the point of view of logic, everything was just perfect. But after the first 2-3 conversations I knew in my heart this was just not the right project for me.

I would purposefully not go into the details because I always assume everyone in the world is reading what I write. And if I share the details even without sharing the name, they won’t feel very good about themselves.

Anyway, right before the time I was supposed to send them a formal agreement and begin our work together, I decided to send them a polite email with a respectful no.

But why am I telling this to you?

To gossip about them? Absolutely not.

They were doing something that works for them. They have built an enterprise that works for them. And a wonderful one so to say.

What I am trying to say is that sometimes the people you intend to work with are not the people who bring out the best in you.

Read that again.

Sometimes the people you intend to work with are not the people who bring out the best in you.

Or worse, they bring out the worst in you.

Thus, along with loving your work you also must actively scout for people whom you absolutely enjoy working with.

People that do not diminish you.
People that know what they are bringing to the table.
People who are mature enough to understand that constructive feedback does not have to be a cruel feedback. That we are on the same team. And when we operate from that perspective, we create magic instead of crying each other miserable.

I have come to understand that every work has two elements to it:

1. Do you love doing that work? (Yes/No)

2. Do you really enjoy working with the people you work with? (Yes/No)

Based on the intersection of the two possibilities of these two questions, here is a 2*2 matrix that every management consultant is taught in B-school:

Let me explain what it means to you:

Quadrant 1 (Q1) (top right):
You love your work. You enjoy working with the people you do.
Translated: You have hit a jackpot. You must strive to do that in everything you do.

Q2 (bottom right): You love your work. But you do not enjoy working with the people you do.
The example I gave above falls in this quadrant. Which is why I respectfully did not pick up that assignment.

The best part is you are blessed with the work you love. With that Brahmastra, you can legit move mountains and pick people you want to work with.
I once heard in a Mel Robbins interview where she said something similar, that of course at the start you want to pay your bills, you have responsibilities to take care of, and you always cannot control the people you work with. But at certain point of time in your career you have to be willing to take a bet on yourself.

What she means is that at the start of a career you love, it might be important to focus on work itself, maybe not so much on people. Been there, done that. But till when, is a question you might want to ask yourself later.

Because if you ignore the quality of people you work with and what they bring out in you, over time you start diminishing your own potential. Something that takes years to get back. Why would you want to do that?

Q3 (bottom of left): You don’t love your work. And you do not enjoy working with the people you do either.
This is something I call a self-created hell.

Why self-created? Because I understand that at some point you cannot find the work that you love on Day 1. I get it. Sometimes you need to work for 365 or 730 or a 1000 days at a work that doesn’t bring you joy because you want to make money too.

But it is here that you should be careful about people you are working with. If you surround yourself with people who invent pessimism in the middle of possibility, you would end up becoming one of them.

The world might conspire you into “adjusting” and taking up a job offer/assignment with energy drainers and evil doers, but if you are determined to make the best of your life, you will land yourself in a place that makes you a better version of yourself.

Surround yourself with 5 positive people, and you are one of them.

Surround yourself with 5 people who workout, and you become fit.

Surround yourself with 5 people who have an excuse for everything, and you see your life become a self-created hell.

Q4 (top left): You don’t love your work. But you are surrounded by really good people.

Now this is what I call a smart move. Our environment and the energy of the people around us affects us in ways invisible.

If you are someone who is still working hard to do what they love as their full-time thing, this is the place you should at least begin with. The right people.

You will feel more secure as a human. You won’t want to pull anyone else down. And who knows, your vision for yourself inspires others instead of you wanting to kill your love for the work you do.

Please re-read the above again my friend.

It is so important that we understand the importance of the collective forces of people and the work we do, and how it impacts our professional life, our personal life, and even our spiritual life.

The world talks about the things you love.

It does not talk about the people that draw your carriage miles away from the thing you love, one day at a time.

It is high time wise people recognise that.

Love the work you do AND the people you work with.

What is a better gift to yourself on this V Day <3

Forward? Sign up here free

2 Raw One-Liners:

• Some of us need a spotlight to shine, some of us need a spot where there is no light shining on us.

• All you need is just three hours of a block every day where nothing and no one can touch you. And you will surprise yourself with the mountains that you move.

3 (for) Real fun and free goodies for you:

1. 1-min blog: Ambition is a beautiful thing

2. 1-min blog: The anti-rot solution for your brain

3. I was going through the ancient pictures on my iPad and found this picture from one of our team offsites in Pondicherry. March 2022. 10.29 pm is the time :) The team were clicking pictures and they woke me up too to click pictures. Chho sweet <3. (L-R: My then colleague Keyi, Ankur, and your girl). The best part of this hotel was that the pool was right outside our rooms. To get out of your room and sit and see something that is not concrete is always soothing.

Alright then friends, I hope you love yourself well this V-day. That is the only way you’d be able to love others too.

And please know that just because you are single, does not mean it reduces your worth. Your worth is always and always decided by what you think. Don’t let any folklore affect you ever.

I’ll see you next weekend my friend.

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Forward? Sign up here free

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

When I was in college, the college would get over around ~4 pm.

Because the CA classes were yet to begin, for a month or so I had some time on my hand.

So a college friend took me to the nearby Crossword book store. This is the year 2011. The city is Ahmedabad.

Located in the Himalaya Mall, not too far away from college, just an ₹8 bus ticket from right outside the college.

“You can also sit there and read books for free,” 2-3 friends from college gave me this interesting bit of info, which I was not aware of.

So every day right after college, I would go to Crossword and read books. I remember reading The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari and Women and the Weight Loss Tamasha just during those visits. The latter was also the one which transformed my relationship with my health, for the better.

And now, I had fallen in love with Crossword.

But a few days later I was back to my hometown Kota, to prepare for my CA IPCC exams.

Within a year, a Crossword opened in Kota as well. In the December of 2012, I was roaming the aisles of that Kota Crossword, when I stumbled into the book “The Magic”.

That was the beginning of my reading journey. Since that day in December 2012, over more than 13 years now, there has never been a time I am not reading a book (or three) at a time. Sometimes I am reading too fast, sometimes way too slow, but a book and a notebook have become parts of my body just like phones have become for a lot of us.

I have reflected on some life lessons from reading books, which I would want to share with you here:

1. When you have nothing, you have books. When you have everything but not books, you have nothing.

2. “The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.”

   ―Mark Twain

3. People leave you. Books never do.

4. A right book is something that meets you exactly where you are. The best thing is there is a different right book for different phases of life. And there is a different right book for different people.

5. If someone gifts you a book, thank God that they did. They could gift you all the vanity in the world but they chose to give you the gift of loving your inner self. There is no better gift than this.

6. “I don’t have time to read books” is the fakest excuse in the history of excuses. If you can scroll the internet for hours, you can certainly read one page of a book a day.

7. Most people do not read books because they put the pressure on themselves of finishing it. Guess what? What if you chose to be okay with whatever you read? You are in competition with no one. Read just one page, but please please read.

8. Another reason why people do not read books is because they got bored/did not like some book, but because we have been conditioned since childhood to not waste things/finish our books to the end, they unconsciously drop off from those books. And I am here to tell you that you can drop books in the middle if you find them uninteresting or not appealing to you. You might end up “wasting” ₹200-300 on that book, but you will save your time, and use that to read another book. The love affair of you and books continues, which is the most important thing.
   
   For example, a year back I had picked up “Days at the Morisaki bookshop” based on the zillion positive reviews the book had gotten over the internet. But within the first two chapters, I just could not resonate with the protagonist. She was uncommunicative with her ex but super communicative with her uncle. I could not go beyond this duality. So I put it away. (Weee…are never ever…getting back together.) As simple as that.

9. One method that I have invented (if you can say so) to stop dropping books mid way is to read first page in the bookstore itself/read the first page sample on Amazon. That mostly gives an overview of the book. But still, sometimes a book is meant to be dropped. It is a judgement-free zone you have to enter at eventually, if you really want to enjoy books.

10. There is no restriction on reading the kind of books you want. I have been a self-help girl, a business books girl, a philosophical books girl, last year I was also a fiction girl (not anymore), and so many more avatars. Read what you like. Naval or Nicolas Sparks. Robin Sharma or Rhonda Byrne. Cal Newport or Chetan Bhagat. But read bro read.

11. We humans are so fragile that someone else hurdling insults at us makes us lose our temper and dampen our mood. I have always chosen to not be that person. So I read books to lift my mood again. No one should get the taste of a dark side of you, especially if they did not sow the seed to it. If you give the fruit to someone who did not sow it, it is not the right karma my friend.

12. In spiritual class we are told that you became lawyer, doctor, etc., only because you read books. Now to become a better person every day, you should study about becoming a better person every day. (Note to myself: What an absolute clarity!)

13. I failed twice in CA IPCC, which is the second stage of CA. But I cleared the most difficult stage (CA Final) in the first time itself, with decent marks (AIR 99 if you think, but official ranks are awarded only till 50th). How was that possible? Only because I read books every day. Did not miss a single day. Ever.

14. Bob Proctor once said that you create what you think. The only problem is that 99% of most people’s thoughts are the same as yesterday. A book shows you possibilities of what someone else could be, and you could be too.

15. You can get all the gyan on the internet too. But reading a book is a communication medium that does not entice your senses. Even though it is written to make sure it is interesting to you, a video platform is a place with 20,000 notifications, each vying for your attention. And it is usually not possible to focus in the midst of so much noise and voice. Also, a book is great escape from the massive social media time.

16. A book is not a hobby (even if it is). It is a choice to put the content in your head that you wish to. If you look at your YouTube history for the last one month, that is what you have become. Time to alter your content history through books now.

17. Books teach you to be humble. And not complain. I once watched a vlog of two celebrities, who said they have to go from Mumbai to Thailand, Maldives, etc. because Mumbai’s beaches are so dirty. I agree to that. But when you are someone who is reading a book, you realise you have to go to Thailand, Maldives, etc., but you would never complain about what’s not working. If you can change it, awesome. If you cannot change it, you go inside a book instead of complaining on a vlog.
    
    A lot of our social media content is raising us this way. We must be very aware of what we are letting inside of us.

18. The world would never want you to read a book. They would take you to parties, to malls, to restaurants, to everywhere but never inside a book. It is your job to go inside a book. Because that is the only way you go inside yourself too. Everything else is a conspiracy theory. (PS: Fun carpool story for you)

19. Not all readers are leaders but all leaders are readers. I have not seen one person whom I admire not read books. Books are as important as oxygen for the wisest people.

20. Some influencers also tell very confidently that they do not read books. And I have come to understand that overconfidence and charisma can never compensate for intellect and competence.

Now at this point it would be a great foolishness on my part to not offer you some reading suggestions. So here are a few pictures of a few of my bookshelves. It’s a tiny slice of the entire pie, but really good ones. Pick whatever you like. Or whatever social media/your friends suggest you. Over time, just like your style, you will also develop your own taste in books.

But it all begins with the step one to save yourself.

Read, my friend. Because if you are not reading in your life, you are merely dragging yourself. You deserve better, don’t you?

2 Raw One-Liners:

• People don’t care about you because they don’t care about themselves either. It is impossible to disrespect someone else unless there is a seed of it within oneself too.

• A clean room and a clean desk is the solution to 95% of your problems.

3 must-have things for every sane person

1. A diary/notebook. Just start keeping one. You will figure its functionality later on.

2. A park nearby. Many countries prescribe time outdoors as a necessity for healing.

3. The art of letting go. Because you are not a dustbin that carries everyone’s trash.

PS: Starting today so many people feel bad for being single/not having someone to “love”. What’s worse is I see these capable, smart people could use their energy to become so much more creative than crying over rocks. Thus, if you are dealing with a heartbreak, this ebook is for you.

Get instant access here. 50% off for the V-day week. Just for you :)

I’ll see you next week.

Love yourself <3

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

1. Infinite content creation to increase my “views”.

2. Clicking pictures of every moment of my life to share as “content”.

3. Corporate rat-race for measuring success.

4. Getting my nails done before any gathering. (Fun fact: Last I got a facial done was January 2015. I still glow better. Meditation is the best facial :))

5. Getting new clothes on every occasion and festival.

6. To build a home for myself.

7. To do things to gain validation of others

Games I have purposefully decided to play:

1. To work in a manner that I am able to take at least 15 days off every half-year and at least a week off every quarter and go for meditation retreats.

2. To not touch internet on weekends (still working on it).

3. To write from my heart and on things I want to write instead of following “trends”.

4. To create a writing space that makes me jump to come to my desk every morning.

5. Making time for an evening walk daily (along with daily morning workout).

6. Having enough disposable money so that any time I hear Maa or Papa talking about making a big purchase, I make an instant transfer to their account while they are still on the phone with me.

7. To be kind to people, all of the time. Even when I am struggling.

Back in the days around 14-15 years ago when Facebook was at its peak, there was an oft-shared quote over there that said:

“mah lyf mah rulzzzz”. (Haha, yes a lot of people actually wrote like that.)

It’s time you start playing your life by your rules and your games, even if that means everyone else is sitting on the sidelines chuckling at you instead of cheering for you.

So, what are the games you are going to not play in 2026 and what are the games you are going to play?

Let me know in the responses to this email/in comments. I’d love to be inspired by you :))

(PS: This is part 4 (and final part) of a 4-part series of shorter Raw and Real editions in January 2026. We will get back to deeper Raw and real conversations, Raw one liners and Real funsies starting February 2026.)

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

In the year 2025, Taylor Swift released her 12th studio album, whose track #5 (the track number in every album of hers that has a sprinkle of a heartbreak/vulnerability) was of “Eldest Daughter”.

In the year 2016, Lisette Schuitemaker wrote a book called The Eldest Daughter Effect. The book talks about, “…(eldest daughters) seriously doubt that they are good enough. Being an eldest daughter can have certain advantages, but the overbearing sense of responsibility often gets in the way.”

I also came across a clip from Mel Robbins podcast talking with an Ivy League psychologist about the eldest daughter syndrome and how it shapes us.

On the contrary, I am the youngest daughter to my parents and I have something to share.

Across the globe we talk about the eldest daughter. I agree on that plight. I have seen my elder sisters sacrifice massively throughout their lives.

So as you read this, I suggest you keep an open mind. Towards the end, I will share why I wrote this piece.

We are four sisters. I am the youngest one. They are 13, 12 and 8 years older than me respectively.

By the time I was 20, my third sister had gotten married.

Now I was the only child that used to live with our parents :)

The sisters would visit often, as they all lived in the same city. But then go back home. At the start of their marriages it felt like a dopamine burst to me when they would come home. And that dopamine taken away when they went back. However, all they spoke was of how their life had become a treadmill of never ending responsibilities. I was now only a side character in a movie that had initially signed me up as a lead.

As years passed by and they started having their babies, I even saw a side of life I had never seen before.

My sisters kept leaving their kids with my Mom to babysit them. Or came to stay at our home for their deliveries and postpartum care. I think that is fine too, as long as all parties agree. Almost everyone leaves their kids with their Moms and rarely with their Moms-in-law.

In this process, I saw my Mom getting massively tired. Yet she never spoke up for herself. That she could not take care of the kids because she was often tired enough to properly to take care of us too.

After her marriage, along with the task of taking care of us four sisters, my Mom also took care of my chacha (and my father got him married), my Mom took care of another chacha’s kids, a neighbour’s kids, and all the family responsibilities because my father was the eldest son (ah, the irony in this very post).

So looking at my sisters thinking my Mom was free and my niblings could be left with her led to a lot of resentment from my side. I used to think my Mom was being used. And in my heart I kept getting distant from my sisters.

In this game of raising their kids, they even forgot they had a younger sister to just be with, and nothing else. Someone with whom they could have kept up with.

This inner and unspoken resentment within me kept getting so big that I forgot to see the rational side, that Mom could even speak up for herself while loving them. Yet this broken puzzle with no apparent fix created a crater in my heart that eventually only kept getting bigger.

——

I recently watched the 6-part docu-series of Taylor Swift’s Eras tour, and concluded that the reason this woman is ultra confident is because she has the backing of her family. Her brother legit travelled with her from the stadium (where her show was) to the hotel back with her.

My sisters don’t even know exactly what I do for a living. Or what I do in general. Or why I did not really enjoy the trip whose pictures were extensively shared in our group and on the internet. Or why I got the delivery of my car on my own, with no one from my family around. Or why I disliked that they gossiped about my pyjamas and crocs, and loved me when I was polished and crafted; when they were supposed to love me regardless. Or that no matter how much money you make, you always need your family.

Each time I share this with my Mom, she says “they have a lot of problems in their lives.”

I get it.
I do get it that I might not even understand most of their problems.
But I still wonder how many of these problems allow you to perpetually be unavailable in person and on phone every with your youngest sibling.

——

I remember last year I went to Mumbai to stay with my cousin bro and bhabhi for three days. And I was so delighted by what I experienced there. Not because of his luxuries (he has the best of those luxuries, he lives in SoBo to begin with), but because standing in his office overlooking the Mumbai city while he was sipping tea and he did not offer me like a true brother (because he knows I don’t drink tea), we spoke about absolutely random things in Mumbai. Or that he went for a walk with me to the beach near his house because he knows I love walking after dinner. For those three days I got to experience an elder sibling that I had forgotten how to experience for so many years.

Or when I used to live in Ahmedabad at my Bua’s home during my college days. My elder cousin bro would come back from his work (and he already had a family at that time), but there was no day I did not talk to him. I am sure he would have his own share of life problems at that stage, but I must confess it was a good dopamine boost to see my bro come home. My sisters come home so many times when I go home. I do not remember a single instance of a meaningful conversation yet. Maybe not even a meaningful conversation, but I don’t remember a time when they were not on the go.

They always have some place to go, and never have I ever been that place.

——

Which is why, this mystery of the youngest daughter.

You have your siblings taken away from you.

You see your parents go through so much pain that you become an Oscar winning actor at hiding your own.

You learn the art of not asking your family for your time. (Even if they do, you don’t want to be sitting in a round table conference with fingers firing at you instead of hugs hurdling at you.)

You are so grateful for the sacrifices of your elder siblings that you got an excellent education only because of their sacrifices, that you do not ask your siblings for anything ever again. Not even their sisterhood.

You are the youngest daughter. Who isn’t free from slaughter either.

——

Coming to senses and sensibilities, why am I sharing this with you?

The youngest daughter perhaps faces nothing as compared to the eldest daughter, as the data and experiences suggest.

I would never be able to experience what an eldest daughter experiences, obviously.

But that does not take away from me having to share what I have experienced as a youngest daughter. I am allowed to express the loneliness I felt despite being surrounded. I have the highest gratitude for the life I live. Let me be clear, my sisters and I would stand for each other any day. No one could ever speak a word against one of us in front of the other. Anyone raise a finger against them and I am standing for them before they even ask.

At the same time, when I share this, maybe one of the thousands of people who read it would be present to their younger sibling(s) even when the younger sibling is apparently thriving.

Success is one part of life. Having family to do random things with — be it chatting around life, be it cook a meal together, be it choosing to be present with your sibling over a phone call maybe 5 minutes a month, is another success that we need to be speaking more about in 2026.

If any one of us is able to be present like a human being to anyone else around us regardless of their position, power or paisa, we might create a little more happier world.

If this piece helps us get there, I’d be glad the mystery and the loneliness of the youngest daughter helped feel someone else a little less lonely :)

——

To summarise:

I know you are busy.

I know you can see someone around you who is apparently happy.

But for every single one around you who looks cool and thriving, they sometimes need family too. May we choose to not forget that.

Everyone needs someone to play with their balloon, even when they got what they always wanted: the balloon. People, not to please. People, not to be please with. People, because we need a peep in.

2 Raw One Liners:

• When you start losing internal battles, you start creating external ones.

• Girl to girl: A rich girl is a witch girl as per society’s norms. Worry not, sweetie. Keep making that money while they keep thinking they are funny.

3 (for Real) “Blast from the past” pictures:

My parents had their 49th wedding anniversary yesterday. Talk about compounding :) My eldest sister wanted us to look into our camera rolls and send her our family pictures so that she could produce a collage to gift them.

In that searching, I also found some other pictures from my past too. Enjoy :)

1. April 2012 — final year exams in college. Chinar and I would eat breakfast somewhere out before reaching college by 9.45 for our exam to begin at 10.30. This was one of the days we went to a restaurant for our expensive breakfast, instead of the usual ₹10 poha. (Back when I would still do outside food :))

2. Around the same time — studying for college exams. In the final year of college I studied the least of all three years (no more than 2-3 hours per day, because after the exam Chinar and I had to go visit somewhere together in Ahmedabad and return home that night). And secured the highest marks in that year of all three years :)

3. At this time I’m realising it has become too much of “me me me”, so here is a pic of my late Nanaji (he passed away in 2014). He was admitted in hospital for the last 2 months of his life due to heart attack. But other than that, lived a very fit life. Had his breakfast every day around 8 am, lunch at 12.30 and dinner around 6.30. Even when his sons in law (and their parents) were invited for lunch, my Nana would accompany them for their lunch at 3 pm, but always always had his meals at his own timings. He also never ever had a vehicle. Cycle was his only means of transport, even though he was pretty middle class and able to afford it.

   True influencers have been all our grandparents tbh.

On that note of sharing a blurry (and only) photo of my Nanaji, let us bring this to an end.

I hope you shine and bloom like flowers, wish you a belated Happy Basant Panchmi, and may your life always bring flowers to everyone else’s lives.

I’ll see you next weekend.

Till then, stay raw, stay real my friend.

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

For the record, I write my books and ghostwrite books on behalf of CXOs. Written 7 ebooks, 2 paperbacks, and ghostwritten close to 12-14 books so far. Also in my past life I was a CA.

Because a lot of people use AI to write, this is a natural question.

Here is what I think:

1. A writer never becomes a writer to write well. A writer’s life has already made her a writer. Her putting words to paper is simply bringing heart and head out of hiding.

2. Humans love real connections, real thoughts, real vibes more than something that is artificially generated. Which is why we were all stuck during Covid even though we had all the internet. Which is why we still crave for going out, whether it is nature walks like me or concerts for others or even catching up with friends for a coffee that costs 15x of what it would cost making at home. Good writing does exactly that.

3. When a writer sits down to write, she herself doesn’t know where will we end things. A lot of the times. So there is no way you could prompt AI to do that on your behalf.

4. A writer who truly truly loves her work does not write to help the audience. She writes because she needs to clear the mess in her mind, share her life lessons and bring coherence to her thoughts. The only reason others resonate with it is because the audience needs that too. When you write through AI you are not even thinking, let alone thinking coherently. So the writers that think through their writing are the real writers. Everyone else I guess is a factory worker playing the game of inputs and outputs.

5. Readers are already hating on books that are written through AI. I am so so glad I never went down that path and will not either. A book is not a vending machine with answers to your life’s questions. A book is the journey of procuring raw materials and building answers to your life questions. AI is the vending machine, real writing is procurement.

6. I am also not a fan of editing through AI. There are tools like Hemingway app or Grammarly (though real writers do not need these, they only need the books like The Elements of Style and 100 ways to Improve your writing). Editing through AI or an app sometimes conceals your emotions.

   A perfect example is the song “Enchanted” by Taylor Swift. There are two lines in the song that go:
   ”Please don’t be in love with someone else
   Please don’t let somebody waiting for you”
   The first line says “someone”, the next one says “somebody”. The correct usage is “someone” in both lines, but she used “somebody” in the next sentence because it fit the rhythm of that music there. Songwriters create this magic all of the time that could never be possible with AI.
   While writers like me (who write books) do not change such elements of style, they do change elements of mood that only humans could generate.

7. The goal is not to discard AI. The goal is to use AI to automate our manual tasks. I think about this often, that the goal of a smartphone was not to make us sit more, watch more content or put our heads down and get headaches. The goal of smartphones was to help us do our tasks on the go, which include sending messages, emails or access to apps that do not require us to sit at a desk. We could give a thought to how could AI automate our manual tasks. For example, I use ChatGPT for the following:

   

70% of these chats are useful, 30% are my random conversations, 0% are for writing.

AI is still useful. But in a world of abundant AI, intuitive, authentic writing is going to be a bigger winner.

Now, here is a ChatGPT generated picture of today’s post. The irony is not lost on me that I designed this using AI, but my goal is to think of writing, it is a specialist designer’s role to think of the role of AI in their designs :)

Also, this image could be better in so many ways, which honestly only a human designer who loves their job could do.

To summarise:

1. A writer becomes one because of life circumstances, rarely out of beautiful circumstances.

2. Humans love real thoughts more in the world of AI.

3. Often a writer does not know where things would end at.

4. When you write through AI you are not even thinking, let alone thinking coherently.

5. Readers are already hating on books that are written through AI.

6. Learn to edit through the right books instead of using AI or even other tools.

7. The goal is not to discard AI altogether. The goal is to use it as a tool to support your mundane tasks instead of it taking the main stage and allowing all your audience to run away.

(PS: This is part 3 of a 4-part series of shorter Raw and Real editions in January 2026. We will get back to deeper Raw and real conversations, Raw one liners and Real funsies starting February 2026.

This one became longer again, but, because it was about a writer’s love for writing I guess :))

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer