This is not another “men versus women” campaign.

It is in reality a women versus women conversation.

Which is why, I want all men to hang around here as well.

I was around 13 years old, when I first learnt we women had to learn to read the room.

The best worst part is, I learnt it by reading the room of other women around myself, and no one taught it to me.

I am glad no woman before me taught it to me, because in her heart she perhaps knew this habit of reading rooms is going to put a mental pressure on her for the rest of her life.

Ah, but I still read the room. The irony. Also, I did not read what was in the hearts of my mother and sisters, who had become qualified by then to hide their feelings, so that no one could read the room.

“I do not want to make it a big thing” has now become a really big thing in every woman’s life.

Btw, what do I mean by “reading a room”?

Well, to begin with, women are by default more empathetic.

Second, we do not make a big thing of our big (or small) issues. We know in our hearts that the life we have is the life our ancestor women did not have, and all we want to do is move forward in it, and not waste an ounce of time making a fuss about what we went through this morning as you were juggling a million responsibilities.

Thirdly, we women are consistent at everything we do. If we make a commitment, no matter what, we will fulfil it. It is a great trait to have at work and at home, but at work, it is only exploited. And at home, we are expected to follow suit.

A bit about men’s nature

I once saw a fun reel where a brother is teaching her sister about the nature of men. Both are in their early 20s.

The brother asks the sister to fall on his hands at the back. And promises to hold her.

When she falls back, he doesn’t hold her!

Lesson number one, he says: Men lie!

He then apologises to her sister, and promises this time he would hold her for sure.

And then, he lets her fall again!

Lesson number two: Men say sorry, but they are still lying!

What this means: Men are inherently committed to never being committed to their commitments. I am not speaking just about romantic relationships, but look at any personal or professional interaction, there is usually a pattern.

Which makes their behaviour inconsistent.

(I know some reaallly nice men reading this want to unsubscribe just by reading this. Okay, I get it you are not one of these. But I hope you recognise you are an exception and not the norm? And I hope you realise that the men I am describing are most men around you, in some way or the other?)

If men tell you they will do something for 30 days, mostly they will be absent for the first 5 days. So when they do come in for the 6th day, everyone will worship them.

All of this is so coded in our mindset, that we do not even recognise when it becomes toxic. Because we are busy worshipping the man who has finally appeared. If on the other hand, a woman did not show up for 5 days after making a commitment, it is only because she has died. No other reason.

And I do not blame the masculinity for it. A lot of it is rooted in our culture and upbringing.

But you and I are educated, wise people who have already broken a million stereotypes in this life alone.

With the hope of getting somewhere closer to equality, I will share some requests, both to men and women.

To men, because you like being at the forefront:

• It’s okay to tell the women in your life (mother, friends, partner, sister, colleagues) to take a chill pill. Just like men need ego massage, women need validation too.

• This one is for men who have a woman at home (mother, wife, sister, grandma), please help them at home, even if you are the CEO of a multi billion dollar multinational company. Even the most elite women of the most privileged households have a lot to manage, even if they have help for everything. Please, please try to make your home a place for equals.

To women, and please please open both your eyes and ears as you plaster this in your head:

1. Blow your own trumpet. Yes you care about the work and not about the validation, but unfortunately, jo dikhta hai wo bikta hai. Make sure everybody hears what you do. The only time you need to be quiet is sharing how much you earn because everyone is ready to put an evil eye on you. But please be shameless and share your struggles as well as your achievements. Unabashedly. Repeatedly. Like your parents do about your achievements.

   

2. If you take on more than your job at your work, ask for more money. And better title. If the company cannot afford to pay you, you cannot afford to work more than you are supposed to. You already do your charity in your own ways, you do not need to slog at work by being underpaid and over-exhausted. I learnt this the HARD way, and that is why I am telling you, my dear.

3. Lastly, a secure human (man or woman) would only cheer for you. If someone is pulling you down for your achievements, they are insecure. And every insecurity about others is a reflection of one’s own self. So my friend, even if someone you love and care about is pulling you down, please tell them: “You’re insecure, don’t know what for!”

Now, I’d like to close at a trivial instance that I have not been able to take out of my mind for months:

In late March of this year, I was at my parents’ home for a week or so. One evening, around 8 o’clock, my elder sister and her 6-year-old son came to our home. She was carrying a stash of books. They both had gone shopping for my nephew’s new session beginning in school in a day or two. At the same time, my Jijaji (my sister’s husband) also came over. He was returning from his work. He saw my sister and nephew coming home too.

Apparently they had all decided to meet at our home. Their home is at far end of the city, and ours is closer to the stationery shop they went to.

Anyway, as my Jijaji enters, my sister asks him, “You want water?”

He nods his head. And she, the tired soul, who went for shopping with her son, managing a kid since morning, went to work the whole day, and then did a double shift by shopping for the kid; walked to the kitchen and got her husband a glass of water.

Full marks for being a caring wife.

But what makes her husband think the wife does not need water? Why could he not give water to her as well? If not by walking, why did he not ask her if she had something?

(PS: My Jijaji is someone who loves and respects me the most. So do I. So this is not a bash post against him. What we are talking about here is conditioning. And also because I know my sister more than anyone else. Anyway, let’s continue:)

My sister always wanted a daughter before my nephew was born. She is a hardcore feminist. But when her son was born, she decided she will raise a man who knows how to be a feminist, and one who respects and cares for women.

Alas, the son is only watching her actions more than listening to her words!

And if someone is not as empathetic as her mom, the mom really needs to ask for water before she serves it.

So, to EVERY SINGLE MAN reading this, today, for no reason, can you please get up and serve water to every single woman in your home? Please? Can we women, for 10 seconds feel what it is like to experience care without asking for it?

You don’t need to tell me that you did it, but for the women/woman in your house, one glass of water is all it takes to change the world.

Oh yes, and don’t tell her why you did it. Just tell her there is no reason. And watch how happy she is.

2 Raw One-Liners:

• Unusual suggestion on how to become fearless:

  Make money. Build a corpus. Tell no one in your family, friends or social media.

• Only after you start practising genuine gratitude all your day, do you realise it does bring everything to life. Everything.

3 (for) Real blogs I wrote lately that I am loving (and hopefully you will too):

1. The little things of adulting

2. Education saves you

3. A letter from an introvert to all extroverts

Thanks for reading, bro!!

If you liked reading this, you’d love my e-books too. Get them right away on your WhatsApp:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

In my first two jobs, I was the Internal Auditor everybody was scared of.

The reason was quite unusual: I would do everything right. And I (still) am obsessed with becoming successful. As a result, my success meant at least 2-3 people had to be fired from their jobs ever year.

This was one part of that job that I did not like, no matter how important it was sometimes to let go of the person who was unfit for their job.

In my third (and last job), I was the Content Manager and leading the team. Like things go in leading any team, at one point after multiple chances, feedback and support to an underperforming team member, you have to amicably let go of them.

There was one such team member I had to get on a virtual 1:1 with, to do exactly that. Let’s call her Rani. Rani was in her classroom in her college in a free period, and there were 2-3 other people too in the same room when she joined. So I requested her to get to a place where she was alone, and then amicably told her the bad news.

Of course, she cried. And I tried to be as empathetic to her as possible.

After she moved on from the job, a part of me often wondered if Rani hated me in the sinews of her being.

By matters of chance, a good friend of hers, Pinki, was still in the team. A few months later, we had a huge event at Siri Fort, where most of our team was present. Rani and Pinki had also come, which I was unaware of. And while I was busy doing something in another row, Rani popped out of nowhere and gave me a hug.

That hug healed me in so many ways. Most of all, the guilt of firing someone.

Another year later Pinki told me about Rani that ever since Rani had moved on from the team, she found a totally new, different version of herself. She was happier, and so much better than who she was in the job. I felt so relieved for her, again.

And now as a writer, I have this policy in full force: Never take away anyone else’s job.

What does this mean?

I often come across these posts by a CEO, and I know she hired a writer who is using ChatGPT to make her posts sound unlike posts of every other ChatGPT content. (just like your Mom knew when you were hungry, trust me, a real writer knows in her sleep when something is human written and something is AI written with a prompt to make it non-AI written).

In another universe, I have chatted with this CEO several times over cold emails, never asking for anything, simply writing an email to her with what I have liked about her. Yet, I decided NOT to pitch to her with my credentials (and human writing that would sound like her), because that simply means: I will take away someone else’s job.

I know it is the least “logical” thinking. If you can offer something better, go offer it and grab the opportunity!

But here is what I always know for sure:

And I am also super confident that my dedication and excellence is the top 1% of the writers’ market.

So if you do SWOT analysis, the skill (along with dedication and commitment aka attitude) is my strength and to be able to create any platform to express those skills is the opportunity. That simply takes away the weakness and insecurity of taking someone else’s job. Nor is there any threat that “I must go out and grab food from everyone else’s plate.”

Also, when you are a service provider of your skills, you are not just any replaceable cog in the machinery. You gotta be a linchpin (as Seth Godin says) to become impeccable.

PS: Some people you know for sure you will end up working together with, this CEO is one of them. I just know like I know like I know, without any evidence. But I know. Some day.

…

Okay, so what is the sort-of lesson I want you to walk away with today?

One, it is good to have values in life. They are your compass of what you will do and what you will never do.

Two, sometimes it is necessary to do the thing that you do not want to, because it will make everything else better.

Three, life is a path of going from what you don’t want to what you do want.

Four, you can always do the things you don’t want your own way.

Lastly, make yourself abundant to an extent that you cook your own food, and do not look into someone else’s plate. But a part of me believes those opportunities will come to you only if you operate by the values that have a foundation of goodness, and not wretchedness.

Apparently meaningless, but painfully meaningful lesson here.

2 Raw One-Liners:

• Maturity is realising your insecurity is nobody else’s business. You gotta deal with them.

• The anger is not worth it. Try action instead.

3 (for) Real things I am grateful for lately:

1. The ability to close the laptop once the work is done. Scrolling meaninglessly is what we are done with.

2. The nice weather of Delhi, which I have mentioned before too. This pre-Diwali month is our heaven :)

3. Repeating again, but walking in a park or any natural spot is like coming alive. Until at least 100 people write to me that they have started walking in nature at least once a week, I might have to keep repeating it baby!

PS: Today is the last day for getting “The Project” at discounted rates. If you like it, go grab it.

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

First things first, I am exactly 24 hours late for this week’s edition. I am sorry.

For what you are going to read today, I wrote the material in my notebook on Tuesday afternoon. It came as an afterthought of something I was deeply engrossed in while working, so much so that I felt relaxed only when it left my body through me writing down the words.

It was Friday night I realised I was going to be late for shipping it, though, because I had not yet typed it out and then edited it twice or thrice.

I could very well spend 15 minutes yesterday morning and write a random Raw and Real on one of the ideas, but today’s edition is super important. I did not want to swap this for anything.

I hope it is worth your time and worth my delay :)

Raw and Real Conversation

Everyone must have a project to work on

Something that you are obsessed about building

1. Whether you are in a job, or are an entrepreneur, everyone must have a project to work on.

2. Your project could be anything that you are invariably drawn towards. It could be something as big as making a movie, or something as little as knitting a matching handkerchief with your bag.

3. It cannot be the thing you do to put food on your table (whether you love it or hate it), because the goal of the project is to make you stay dedicated to it like a free spirit.

4. At some point it holds the potential to become commercial, but the best projects do not start with that intention. They start with the internal need to build this project, no matter what.

5. Do not do it like your life depends on it. You must be independent of it in order to create the best outcome.

6. All the bad habits, self-doubts and negativities fail in the face of a project that makes you come alive.

7. But your bad habits and self-doubts are suppressed at the start of the project. If you abandon it, these will come back with greater force than before.

8. You cannot have a project to work on all year long. It comes to you when you are ready and willing to take it on.

9. A project, by its very nature, will not stay in your life forever. Once you have completed this project, you will mostly feel a dire need to take a break from “projects”, and once the universe has ensured you have taken the right amount of breaks, it will bring another project to you.

10. There needs to be adequate periods of forced boredom in order for a new project to be brought to your subconscious again, ready to turn into conscious.

11. A project puts you in a flow state. You are neither working too hard that it is difficult beyond your capacity, nor are you working on something too easy that you are frustrated with no challenge sitting right across you.

12. No one will ever understand your project like you do, because it is so so personal. Which is why I believe we must announce our projects to the world only when we are ready to ship them. Anything before, and somehow the evil eye has entered the evidence, even if no one is rooting for you to fail.

13. You cannot document your way to the project on social media. Some pains need be personal and not public in order to truly produce pure outcomes.

14. You are doing the project for the joy of doing it, not for the applause and performance on social media.

15. No one can guide you or mentor you into your project. But you are always called to it, even if the logic says otherwise.

16. The project comes to you as an idea, when you are experiencing a relaxed, a calmed down state of nervous system, over extended periods of time. Consistent stress is the biggest enemy of a project.

17. The other biggest enemy of the project is yourself. Your OTT subscription, too much screen time, keeping up with the Insta stories of your favourite influencers, and too much screen time do nothing but rot your mind and brain. And creation cannot stem from rotten things.

18. The other big enemy of a project is sunk cost. For anything that is draining you and is not your project, we often say, “I have been doing this for so long. It is draining me pro max ultra, but let me just continue doing this, because I have invested so much into it.” Your project does not care what your past has been. It only cares about what you do today.

19. The most fulfilled people (in personal as well as professional lives) have built their life around a series of projects they want to do.

20. The right project will nonetheless drain you. But you will come alive through it like never before.

21. When ready to be shipped, the project goes on to make an impact for the right audience. But only if at the inception stage, its intention is for nurturing the soul of the creator.

22. That said, projects must be shipped. Projects make you fearless.

23. You are NOT your project. You are doing your project.

24. But who you become as a result of that project is lighter, happier, more confident, and more loving; while not caring what others think of you.

25. Projects come with practising things you love doing. I as a writer can never be obsessed with music as a project because I have never played a musical instrument. Music may become my hobby to de-stress, but the fact that I have never been driven towards it like I have been towards writing, my core project would often revolve at the intersection of what I love + what I am great at.

26. When you commit to your project with this seriousness of a child at play, others relate to your project in ways you had not thought.

27. In extreme moments of being in the work-in-progress stage of your project, you are dancing and jumping. The exhilaration is inexorable.

28. The project tests you mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and in all ways you had not thought at the start of the project. Which is what the project was in the first place: to make you someone who deserves to come alive and become a better version of themselves through the project.

29. Lastly, everyone’s life offers them ample opportunities to create their own projects and go build them. You can choose to ignore all these signals, and this (and nothing else) is the recipe of a miserable life. Even when (despite when) you have all the treasures of life disguised as pleasures.

PS: I believe this is SO important, that I decided to put it up on a PDF for you. Prices double next week. Go get yours for this ridiculous pricing.

Get my PDF now

2 Raw One-Liners:

• Everyone will walk over a kind person. But a kind person is the happiest, because they don’t give that back.

• The kindest person is the one who draws boundaries. Otherwise you are merely a fool with a flower’s clothing.

3 (for) Real things I am grateful for:

1. To have sitaphal. Great for energy.

2. To have curd at home. Great for everything in life :)

3. To be able to sleep well at night. Ain’t there anything better than this.

Chalo chalo, I hope you spend your life building projects and not building a fragile ego.

Thank you for reading, as always.

Nishtha Gehija

rawreal.in || nishtha.blog

Just 6 months into my first job, I got my first car ever!

It was actually not my idea. My then manager had once seen me get into the main gate of the office wearing a scarf covering whole of my head with nothing other than eyes visible, and also with gloves that reached above my elbows. We still go like this in our small town on our two-wheelers.

It was then that he suggested that I get a car.

It was a great decision, I must say.

Back in my home town, we never had a car (not complaining, never needed it). I always saw my friends with cars still ride their two wheelers, unless they were going for a family outing, where their father took out the holy car.

And here I was, in the great capital of the country, with visibly a high rate for accidents, gliding through NH 44, highways and bridges everywhere, and every single possibility of driving and parking in harsh conditions that life could teach you, driving alone at the age of 24.

It made me vigilant, aware yet patient in so many ways.

But the best thing that came out of my car was a financial decision:

Never to get a loan ever again.

When I was getting the car, what had happened was this:

• I took the car loan for 3 years instead of the usual 5 or 7 years, so that it would be over soon :)

• But the first 1.5 years were miserable, because the EMI was eating away ~20% of my take-home salary.

• Also, I was not adept at money management back then as I am now.

Translated: I jumped into the water thinking I would learn to swim, but I was floating literally grasping for breath.

And here we are, in 2026, when my old car is long gone after serving me for almost a decade, the new car is almost 1.5 years old, we are debt-free, AND:

I do not still have a home. On purpose.

Fair warning: This is not a rent versus buy debate that we see online. Nor am I arguing against the emotional value of owning your own home. These both points are real, and abundantly discussed.

I have a different reason for sharing this.

The reason I do not have a home is the following:

1. Of course, I do not want any more loan, for the reasons I mentioned above. As you grow life blesses you with far greater income, but I’m not going to trade my peace of mind for anything. This further drove other reasons too, which are the following:

2. A home requires constant repair. Even if it is tiny. Even if it is built by the best builder in the best society. Affordability is one thing, but the mental load is something I do not want, baby.

3. Let others think “she hasn’t been able to build her home in so many years.” I am now confident enough that people love me wherever I go, because I do not demand them to give me their validation. And everything we poke at others is a reflection of our own insecurity.

4. There were times during that car loan period that I wanted to resign from my first job. But I could not because there was an EMI dangling on the 1st of every month. As a lesson from that, now I do a different thing with my money. I invest a huge part of my income in building a corpus, so that it eventually gets so big that its returns in itself serve my daily expenses for the rest of my life. That is not impossible, if I do not listen to the chattering voices of the crowd.

5. Your own home in the city you live (Delhi NCR in my case) becomes a bonafide hotel for everyone who comes to visit the city. As of now I live in a one-room apartment, so everyone knows it loud quiet and clear: we cannot go lodge in her home :) This might irk people who love hanging around with their extended family, but for me who loves solitude and needs it to get her job done really well, this is the best blessing :))

Fun fact: In my hometown, we moved into our new 3 BHK home 10 years ago. When we went to see the property for the first time, my parents offered me to be the first one to pick my room. Room 1 was something that was close to the living room, so I avoided it to avoid noise when guests came. Room 2 had balcony + washroom, and Room 3 had balcony + NO washroom. I unintelligibly picked up Room 3 with NO washroom, because now no one of the guests (my 3 sisters + their kids) could incessantly knock my room just because they had to use the washroom. No washroom, no knocking, baby :)) Only solitude and getting things done with focus.

6. As of now I live in a place that has homes only old-money people could have, which are mostly worth ₹50-100Cr. When you live in a place like that, you see 3-4 cars in every home, 2 of which are luxury cars, you do not want to trade that to go to an apartment area where residents are fighting in the group for someone not getting repaired the society motor. I know I am blessed to be living in such a place, but I am even more cognisant that I get to live here because I am deaf to everything else I “must” do because I am 35 :)

Listen to me again, please:

There is nothing wrong in getting your own home. And I mean it with all my heart. But we all have different goals in life. I shared mine above. When you know your goals too, your intuition is so loud that it drowns out the noises of the world.

In the end, I want to share one thing with you:

The other day I was coming to the first floor of the place where I live in, in Delhi NCR, when my landlady aunty, (who calls me her daughter and I also think she and uncle are my adopted parents) randomly asked me out of her care, “Where do you get kadi patta from?”

I told her I request someone in my spiritual class to get me a bunch, or in rare instances I order it from quick commerce.

“Are you out of your mind,” she startled with a loving grace, and then continued, “We have this big kadi patta bush in our garden. Come whenever you need it, and pluck as much as you want.”

If that was not enough, she even asked her gardener to put a kadi patta plant in my balcony, for she knew there would be times I would just not want to go downstairs.

“That is SO kind of you, thank you so much Aunty,” I continued, “But I am scared I would forget to water it and it would die. I do not want a plant to die because of my carelessness,” I confessed.

“Don’t worry dear, I knew you would fear that, I have already asked the gardener to water it daily.”

Don’t fix what isn’t broken.

2 Raw One-liners:

• It is good that people change. Isn’t it a sign of stagnation if they don’t?

• I am mostly fearless in the biggest of matters of life, but scared of people who shout. You lose so much of your credibility when you lose control over yourself.

3 (for) Real great podcasts you must listen to

1. Oprah on Mel Robbins: Oprah has saved my career in so many ways through her videos, by making me aligned with my inner voice. You must watch her other videos too.

2. Gary Vee on Steven Bartlet: This podcast is so much unlike the image of GaryVee that we all see online. And it came more than 3 years ago just when I needed it the most. So much so, that I remember it too date.

I do not spend a lot of time on podcasts, but these two are too good, too aligned into their inner voice. And as a third thing, let me share what I am really grateful for lately:

3. Reading books. Nothing changes your life better than reading books. And substituting 5 minutes of scrolling with 5 minutes of Kindle.

…

That is it my friend. The biggest thing, I hope you take from this, is to stay true to yourself.

Everything else is we all being clowns in a world that is designed to make you so, while they value authenticity in their hearts.

And if you liked this, get these instant access books too. None of these are free, but the good things are always cheaper than bad things :)

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

Thank you for reading, as always.

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

The first city I lived in away from my hometown was Ahmedabad.

I stayed there on-and-off for three years, pursuing my graduation till 2012, and having some fun in the process.

Last month I returned to the city after big 14 years (even though it was only for 30 hours :)

Over these years, I have been there on and off for a tiny layover for a few times, but it was only for layover and never intentional. This time it was intentional.

And I walked away with the least expected lessons.

But before that, some context:

• It was a family function, where my Bua had invited the entire family.

• As a rule of thumb, I do not go to social events. Too much time wastage. People are soul-sucking, talking about the most useless things. Also, you need to have very high standards in order to be around me :)))

• I happily went here, because I was going to meet two of my cousins whom I gel very well with.

• I did not want to go honestly because I do not love travelling much, but these people are genuinely nice, I can just be myself around them, I flew there :)

So, how can you learn lessons from a random family function?

Well, because I learn lessons from every life event. Your life is too little to be wasted that you live it but not learn from it.

And lessons do not necessarily need to be some heartbreaking events, but some good things also that you learn about yourself from that development.

Two lessons particularly stood out for me:

One: When you are happy with yourself, you enjoy the company of others.

What I mean is I did not go there expecting “others would make me happy/treat me a certain way/do things to please me,” etc., the usual stuff we do assuming it is the job of others to make us happy.

When I did not go with that expectation, I unexpectedly had the entire family make me happy :)

I sat with my two cousins chatting about everything random.
We laughed and had fun, and I did not have to pretend (this is the most important part).
To be honest (I told this to my cousin when he came to drop us off) that none of my own sisters have given me their 100% attention in years like he did over the last two days. It was surreal, and a reminder of how little do we need :)

Which reminds me of the other fun realisation I had:

Two: When you are happy, you aren’t as good an artist.

My ideas for books, clients’ books, this Raw and Real, my blogs always come to me on the go. Most of which are outcomes of spending time alone, or some life pain :)

Ironically, I did not have any of the above ideas when I was there. I was even observant of myself not having any ideas. The reason I believe is that when you are happy pro max, the mind does not get to meander around life lessons.

It is funny that the ideas make my career and money, which come from not being in massively happy spaces often :)

That is it!

…

Bua had organised the party at Bastian restaurant, which is elite in itself, but for me, the joy of hanging around with family was the best part ever :))

PS: Repeating one of the pictures of the last time, but what’s a girl gonna do, if no one clicks her good pictures?

2 Raw One-Liners:

• Good things don’t always happen to good people. Sometimes good people have to deal with bad people too.

• Not everything is about you, sweety. It takes a whole lot of courage to use empathy as a lifestyle.

3 (for) Real things I am grateful for lately:

1. Delhi has the best weather after Janmashtami to pre-Diwali. The joy of a weather :)

2. To be able to have breadrolls once this week. That deep fried crispy potato-thingy is something that fills you so much, that it makes you courageous towards your fitness regimen too.

3. To make sure only wonderful words come out of my mouth. It takes so much patience, I did fail a bit, but it is a good journey to be on.

Thanks for reading, my friend.

I’ll see you next Saturday again.

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

(it’s a Cruel Summer, with you…) :):)
Chalo chalo, let’s start

For many years, I have been planning to write a book on communication.

Most of which stems from the PhD in miscommunication most human beings hold.

The book will come when it is time, but trust me when I say this, these very basic and fun rules of communication (which no grammar book or school teaches you) will change your life even if you use them 20% of the time.

Here they are:

1. Please banish “Hi, How are you?”

There, I said it.

If you are sending a work message, please also write what is it that you want to communicate. Now. Without waiting for them to say “I am good”.

Saves your and their time. Which is a more considerate thing to do than asking “Hi, how are you?” and coming across as someone who meanders more than needed.

People who get to the point (kindly) are the people who get what they want.

2. Unless asked for an opinion, please don’t give any.

We all learn this truth the hard way.

We want to make something better, even if we are not working on it. Especially if it is our area of expertise. So we give our opinions because we care for the person we are giving our opinion to.

But life is a wonderful teacher in telling us that unsolicited opinions are rarely valued. And one who is really looking for help or cares for our opinion would come find us.

3. When asked for an opinion, please give it.

I have learnt this in my spiritual class: When people ask for your opinion, give it. When they make a decision that does not comply with your opinion, still be unfazed.

Giving without ego, acceptance without sorrow.

4. Please say “thank you”.

This is something I wish more people understood. You cannot ever be “too grateful”.

It baffles me when you do something people ask for, and they don’t say thank you. Or you share something in a group that they are circulating everywhere, and they do not acknowledge you. Should we not be grateful for whatever is given to us?

I’d like to be clear here: No one’s life would change by the other person saying or not saying thank you.

But I wonder how empty those people must be, to go on to operate without giving their gratitude to the thing that helped them. Moral Science left the chat in the chase of money and the mask of adulthood.

It reminds me of a conversation I had with a billionaire client the other day. Her company (you almost expected “him” na, just by the mention of the word billionaire? World is changing, folks!) is worth thousands of crores, and yet this is how she talks:

If people who have all the riches in the world are still kind, I believe none of us have the reason to not be kind.

5. Take care of your tonality

Please do not be a 1990s TV serial sasu maa whose tonality is of consistent taunting to her bahu, because her bahu went out with her own husband, aka that sasu maa’s son!

Jokes apart, to be nice to someone without allowing your pains of last mean interaction harm you is the stuff of legends.

Of course, please communicate when you are hurt. In strong relationships, communicating like adults does make things better.

But if you have chosen not to communicate with words, you have lost the right to taunt through your tonality as well. Worth making a note each time we interact with them.

One last thing: About making a call

I am personally not very fond of making phone calls for every small and big thing. For that, text messages or emails do the trick. However, when you think something is complicated enough that it may lead to misunderstanding via text, then it needs a conversation on a phone call.

But for everything else, our lack of ability to put our ten haphazard thoughts into two cohesive thoughts is not the recipient’s problem. And not worth their time either.

The best communicators have the highest level of empathy.

2 Raw One-Liners:

• Show me a man who does not respect their time and I will show you an unhappy man.

• Get up and make things.

3 (for) Real anti-scroll blogs

If you are wanting to get off social media yet want to read good content, these 3 super-tiny blogs might help. No need to comment or like. Please enjoy:

1. Some days, your heart just breaks

2. The weird thing with Apple products

3. I do not need any (more) male attention

Thank you for reading, my friend.

If you found the above Raw and Real Conversation helpful, please pass it on to more people. I do not usually ask you to share because if you had liked something, you would share. But we all need good communicators around us, and nothing is simpler and more useful than these unusual rules of communication. So please pass this on to as many people as you can!

Share

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

PS: If you loved the above micro-sized blogs, these instant access e-books are just like those, with specific things you are looking for. Read one and tell me how it was:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in a corporate job and struggle with daily humdrum of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read This: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

Life’s tragedies spare no human.

In a world where everything is unequal, the one thing that unites us all is the equivocal distribution of tragedies that have chosen to befall on every single one of us.

Some face it early on, some face it later, some just face it without even knowing they are in one.

And I am no different.

Pain, panic and precariousness have become my forced friends at all times I wanted peace.

But the one thing that worked out for me was I discovered I loved writing early on, as early as when I was 23. I even wrote my first book in a month and published it at the age of 24.

And then, I was deeply addicted. The addiction is called monthly salary.

It was an ongoing addiction of three jobs spanning 8 years.

And now I have been a solopreneur for over 3 years.

As I look back at that time, I often feel (without exception) that I wasted those 8 years.

Even though I worked with the nicest people.
Even though I learnt a lot.
Even though I earned a lot of credibility.
Even though I discovered I was capable of so much.
Even though that led to early stability and career lessons I carry to date.

At the end of the day, a corporate job sucks your soul out of your body and your joy out of your very existence, that you end up forgetting who you are.

It was only by matter of chance that I got into the solo business I am running. And by matter of grace that I learn lessons every single day today.

If I were to redo my life differently (and this is such a vague question, because there is a reason the past is past) but hypothetically, here is what I would do:

I would become a full-time writer right after clearing my CA Final exams. I would write books instead of going any other path of a writer. And figure how to make more money than the “market rate” for CAs as well as writers. Combined.

But life is life. It teaches you lessons you won’t have otherwise learnt if you hadn’t gone through that hell.

However, what does this life lesson mean for you?

First things first, do NOT quit your job because I told you I “wasted” my time in jobs. Everyone’s life situations as well as everyone’s inner architecture to deal with work is different.

What you MUST do, even if you are in a happy job, even if that job pays you well, and even if none of your colleagues are toxic is the following. Please bear in mind we are not here to replace your income, we are here to replicate your joy that you have forgotten to feel for the longest time.

• Start doing something you are curious about. Anything. Even it means repairing water pumps or cleaning homes or picking best flowers for different interiors, if you LOVE that. Just two hours every weekend is enough to begin.

• Forget social media marketing for now. Try getting ONE sale for the thing you do. It is often the things you love that you do for free that you do not realise doing it often would give you more joy.

• Rinse and repeat.

Money buys things, and the addiction of salary would eventually lead you to affording Louis Vuitton and Rolex as well.

But in all of this what is lost is YOU. And YOU come alive through the joy in the work you do.

Please try inculcating joy the side thing you work on.

It will give you freedom of working for yourself, freedom from the mood of your manager when they give you the periodic ratings forgetting your hard work and results of the entire year, and most importantly, freedom from the system that is never designed for the A-players in the first place.

Whether you will make more money off it or not is a later conversation, but the most important thing is you start. For your joy.

Isn’t that what you have been looking for ever since you grew up from a contented kid into a wandering adult?

I’ll end it with a cliche quote, but it is fit in my brain and always comes to me when I am in the middle of procrastination:

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

2 Raw One-Liners by yours truly:

• The world belongs to the human who is always learning and getting better, and the human who has no intention of proving others wrong.

• (too big for a one-liner, but some one-liners deserve these) Just because someone is close to you, you cannot have the luxury to talk to them in any manner or use the least empathetic words. You must be intentional with your words and behaviour with everyone, but especially with your loved ones. There is zero reason to take someone who loves you for granted.

3 (for) Real things I am grateful for:

1. The weather. The right weather at the right time is such a blessing for the environment as well as the soul.

2. A clean intent. Life sometimes makes us come across people who are always doubting and never listening to their intuition. I am so glad I am the opposite.

3. The “joy” of writing this Raw and Real. A lot of my thinking from every Monday of every week is centred around how can I make this week’s Raw and Real more relatable and more “aha” for the audience. So thank you, thank you, thank you, if you read this far. 💚🙏

And I will see you next week, with my intent of another “aha” story.

Wish you the best weekend ever!! <3

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks, chalo chalo, do it now:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

Last year, I had gotten myself waxed right after Rakshabandhan.

“Who even remembers their waxing dates a year prior?” you might wanna think.

No one. Not even me bro.

Except that when I had returned from my waxing appointment, I had millions of tiny mosquito-bite kinda bubbles on my calf muscles.

My Mom and I were equally stunned.

But we thought this would pass. Boy, so wrong were we…

What then began as a gradual process was my skin allergy. I started having itching at any random part of my skin at any random part of the day.

Initially it came and went. So I did not pay much attention.

But then it started showing up in grand gestures. I visibly started shaking in my meditation, because I was itching in my ears and the skin under the nose and the hamstrings all at once. Then at one time I had a bad itch attack during an overnight train. The other time I had that itch attack in Abu Dhabi in October.

In the middle of all this, I was also visiting the best dermatologist of the best hospital, who still could not diagnose what was going on. Each time I went to her, she simply increased the dosage of the medicine.

These episodes continued happening, when I got sick and tired and told my Mom how nothing was getting better. The only thing that was getting better was my allergy was finding new places to attack on. How could you get a random itch on your left eyebrow or the area just under your ring finger is beyond me!

When I was so frustrated, my Mom suggested we consult her homeopathic doctor.

Not only that, she said it with conviction, “I can tell you with certainty that her treatment will cure you from its root.”

My Mom does not trust anyone easily, just like all wise Moms. So when Mom said this to me with so much conviction, I was halfway convinced.

…

Roll down to December, the doctor made me recollect why this happened.

I had gotten the wax done and forgotten :)

She also went on to say that it happened because it is not the best thing to get yourself waxed during monsoon.

The treatment lasted for 3.5 months, during which I was prohibited sour things completely. So no imli ki chutney, no curd, no lemon, and Mom would make magic chhole chawal without chana masala in it :)

At the end of that treatment, I was fully healed. And still am. Thank you, doctor. But she told me to be aware of 2-3 things for the rest of my life, which I still take care of, such as:

• Try not getting waxed during monsoons

• Drink a LOT of water.

• While switching from AC environment to non-AC, try keeping a lag. This means, try turning off the AC a few minutes before I step out of the environment. Or when I get into my car or my room from outside, I should slowly make it cool, instead of going to super cool temperature all of a sudden.

…

Alright, now why am I telling this to you?

Because on 27th and 28th I travelled to Ahmedabad for a massive family function.

And I attended the party with my forearm unwaxed.

I was wearing a half-sleeved top, so if someone stood at a distance of a feet from me, they might be able to observe tiny growth on my forearm.

Now I am a fan of keeping myself well-groomed. I even went to the parlour to get threading done, but no, no, no to waxing during monsoon, baby.

“But it is a huge function, what would people say?”

I never ever had that thought in my mind, because 99% of people are my favourite people. But whatever strangers at the party think of me, no one is coming to me when:

• I ruin my sleep because I am itching all night in train and reduce my next day’s productivity

• Or when I am making repeated visits to hospital during my working hours, no one is coming to make money and make my business on my behalf because I got dysfunctional with allergies.

• Or when I make chilla without curd, no one is going to do that to their own chilla. They are going to add curd to it!

• Or people are going to eat dahi bhalla, when I am prohibited imli chutney.

• Or most importantly, if I could keep myself healthy by a bit of abstinence, I think it does not make it worth it to risk my health for so many months, just to make sure people think I am groomed.

The bigger point, though, is:

So often we give up on ourselves in these tiny teeny ways, that we do not even realise. Just so that other people like us. “So what if I get itch attacks again, at least people would see my smooth forearms.”

We always cook food for others or buy things for others, suppressing what we need.

We pick a career that might lead to our father saying one day “I am proud of you”, even though we hate that career.

We skip our meals just because others are not hungry! It is beyond me how people even do it.

We get into marriages that we know are bad, but because we are engaged, we do nothing. Because we want people to think “she fixed him (even though it is impossible to fix another human)” instead of “she stood up for herself and it is bold and I could never have the courage to do it so I will pelt stones at her forever.”

We all can write a book about our people pleasing behaviours.

The great part is: unless you want to live the life like someone in your family who is a perpetual people pleaser and a serial suppresser of their sentiments, you always have the power to take the manuscript you have now and tear it apart.

Oh, btw, I looked stunning as ever. You glow differently when you don’t try to please strangers you don’t care and who are never ever pleased :)

2 Raw One-Liners:

• You cannot change someone who does not wish to be changed. Change is always a personal choice.

• It is disastrous to trust hearsay. Especially if it comes from someone who is poor at communication or excellent at negativity.

3 Real(ly) Helpful Hacks for Life:

1. Learn to drive well. You can smooth and glide through the worst of roads if you learn it well. You do not need to push and jerk people when they are driving along with you. (Yes, I have had experiences with Uber drivers :(

2. Understand the power of your word. Words can lift someone else, words can destroy someone else. See this song. I kinda like this song about the power of words. It may not touch your soul for its magic of music, but with words, it is a gem.)

3. You did not expect this, but please keep your lust under check.

Someone may want to unsubscribe just by reading this one thing, but I have to tell you how this is the reason for so many downfalls. In the book “The Palace of Illusions” Vyasa tells Draupadi to be aware of three things: 1. To hold back her question just before her marriage; 2. To not laugh when her husbands are at the top of their power; and 3. When she would be made to feel ashamed in a sabha, to hold back the curse.” She did none of those.

But that is not the main thing I am talking about right now.

The main thing is each time she acted from that emotion, it was because she was either attracted to or angry with Karan.

So she did all three things: asked the question, laughed, and cursed — all driven by lust or anger resulting from lust.

It led to things like Mahabharat in the world.

My question is, how do we think lust won’t make other mortals do similar things.

I want you to sit with it for a moment.

…

That is it for this week.

I had too much fun over the last two days, I hope you did too. <3

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Also, I hope you would access my instant access my ebooks, if you haven’t already:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

10 years ago, the internet game of India changed forever.

A new telecom company Jio started its operations. And offered a sim, daily data of 2GB and unlimited calls. ALL FOR FREE.

It lasted more than 6 months from September 2016 to March 2017. (Ooh, habit formation.)

As a result, within little time, all other telecom operators also had to reduce their prices.

Prior to that, there used to be monthly internet packs of 2.5 GB. Now there are internet packs with daily 2.5 GB.

It is good on the surface of it. But excess of everything is poison.

So I sat down to observe how unlimited internet has damaged us in so many ways, such as:

1. We have an acute lack of self-worth. If someone else is “happy in restaurants” or “dancing with friends” and we are not, it means there must be something wrong with us only! This lack of self-worth has also translated to older people, when their peers are starting new cooking YouTube channels or new businesses after retirement, but they are doing none of this.

2. We do not have a life outside of phone. Is this what we were born for? To work out very little on our feet and run miles on the phone with our thumbs? Has that become ultimate goal of our lives?

At max, our lives “outside of phone” states and ends with a mall. How about going to the lake or garden nearby, spending some time there, and not posting a single story/post about it?

3. The infinite need to become an influencer. Yes, it is a good and a profitable business (for some people). But look closely at the lives of any real influencer who has “made it” and you would realise they spend massive amounts of time away from the internet too.

4. So many more have lower back pain! And they have normalised it :(
My dear friend, health is normal. Pains should not come to you ideally before the age of retirement.

5. This one breaks my heart. Because people are on the internet more, they are reading less.
Reading (good books) makes you think differently. And just think. It is like travelling the world without a ticket (and Insta stories :D).

6. Oh, the parallel arrival of Netflix with unlimited internet. Netflix and Amazon Prime video were launched in India in the year 2016. Now we can rewatch your favourite SRK movie a 100 times while the project that requires deep work has been sitting idle for 100 days! :/

I can write so much more, but it is important to reduce the negative to as little as possible, and walk towards conclusion.

7. We human beings as a species were all leaner at one point. Again comes from sitting too much, moving and thinking too little. Of course if you are all fit and fine, from 30s to 60s the body does go through change.

But when I look at younger pictures of my elder sisters or my parents, and compare it with younger pictures of today’s generation, again, the unlimited internet and hence unlimited food delivery are impacting health. Visibly as obesity. Invisibly as brainrot.

Yesterday I came across a video of Sister Shivani of Brahma Kumaris. She was referring to the time when her talk show Awakening with Brahma Kumaris had just started on Aastha channel. A year after the talk show, she started travelling around the country giving talks. And she was stunned by what she saw.

There were people who were going through worst of their life situations, and got out of them just because they watched the 30-minute talk show of hers. For those who don’t know, it is about application of spirituality to practice. The people who gave this feedback made no other change but only this 30 minutes to their lives.

It made her wonder, that if merely 30 minutes of daily positive content could create so much positive differences in the lives of people, what would be the effect of so much disempowering daily content on our minds?

It often pains me that a lot of our free time, boredom, and sometimes our entire existence has boiled down to being online. Just because we have a lot of it.

I now feel pity for people who are constantly on the nook of the internet, wasting their life, trying to please an audience that is doing the same.

And it is not just Instagram. Instagram is just the biggest culprit. Twitter, Snap, LinkedIn are contributors too. At some level performance has become more important than doing the work that performs for itself.

As a result, ladies and gentlemen:

I know, I am no one to judge what someone else does. Also, social media tells very little story of someone’s whole life. But even if it is a partial story, most people are living it 30 out of 24 hours of the day to make a point.

Is the point even worth making if it makes you more addicted to projection and alienates you from who you really are?

So, what is the solution to the unlimited internet encapsulation we all have gotten into?

You know it in your heart. Had preachings and teachings worked, we have abundance on the internet. I have shared some in the past, but this time I wish you to dig deep.

When you sit with yourself, you know what you can do to get out of this collateral yet reversible damage.

I want to leave you with a story, though.

This week Taylor Swift did a secret performance at the Grammy Museum in LA. The list of the things she did was circulating on the internet, and one of those has stayed with me.

She said something to the tune of she does not wait for the idea fairy. She shows up to do the work. And then the idea fairy also shows up.

We somehow think that the resistance to excellence would some day go away when we would be rich, successful or living our dream. Swift is doing all of these. But the fight against this resistance is everlasting. It is up to us to fight that every day. Or to start scrolling, because hey, we do not pay for the internet with so much money, as much as we pay for it with our dreams, health and mindset.

And it is worth remembering what James Clear often says about consuming:

“The measure of a life is not what you consume, but what you contribute.
Spend less time owning, consuming, taking. Spend more time giving, creating, making.”

2 Raw One-Liners:

• The easiest way to have more energy is to speak less.

• The easiest way to have less resentment is to have the courage to have an assertive yet polite conversation.

(Both are apparently contradictory yet they are not, which is the beauty of words!)

3 Real Confessions:

1. I missed the in-person show of a wonderful artist last weekend. On purpose. There is no logical reason, but let me try my illogical ones: Mujhe achchha lagta hai garden mein jaakar uselessly wander karna, ek ghante ke liye sham ko meditate karna, and most importantly, I need to walk around to consume content for 3 hours. Sitting is too much!!! No hate towards that artist. She is an inspiration. But I gotta become mine :) I did squander that money, but at least I did not squander that time again.

2. I am going to a family function for rakshabandhan. We have a party (of another occasion) a day before that too. And my biggest wish from this 1.5 day of trip is that my Mom comes out if it in good health. How life priorities change :))

3. I was in H&M the other day. And saw a GenZ boy click the picture of a dress in his Nokia dumb phone. The kinda you get for ~2,000 INR on Amazon that have the camera just for the sake of it. It is the kind of people like this that make me feel hopeful despite 10 years of abundance of internet. 💜

That is it my friend.

Wish you more time with yourself, being who you really are, because that is what we really need. 💜

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access one (or more) of these ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

Happy Independence Day weekend my friend!!!

I was about to write a deep post like usual, but then I thought today is the weekend most people won’t have anything planned. So let’s keep it light yet something super meaningful.

I keep thinking about freedom to do what you want all of the time, so I came up with a few short pointers about what freedom actually means.

Here are 8 commandments of being independent (8, because we are entering the 8th decade of independence)?

1. To do what you are supposed to do, when you are supposed to do. Discipline is the greatest form of independence.

   

2. When you work, you work with focus. Distractions = giving up your freedom.

3. To go for a walk outdoors (preferably nature — park, beach if you have access, a water body, for example my hometown Kota has this wonderful Riverfront, Kota Barrage and Kishor Sagar Talab) every day. You do not understand what it does to you, unless you experience it yourself.

4. To forgive people without ever hoping for an apology for them. Yes, please stay careful in the future, but holding on to someone else’s wrongdoings is doing nothing right to you.

5. To have the courage to spend time with yourself, alone. Again, every single day. If you always need people or devices or music, you are never free.

6. To obviously never be extremely elated by joy or exhausted by pain. Life is a cycle, and people’s opinions and life situations do not hold the power to send you into extreme emotions.

7. To deal with your daddy issues, which basically means: Doing things just to prove it to your Dad, and then realising it is an issue. So you deal with it. You’d be surprised to know we do so many things just to listen “I am proud of you” from our fathers ONCE IN OUR LIFETIME, but we may never be able to listen to it. Often for no other reason that they have their own Daddy issues they aren’t even aware of. The freedom from the generational trauma begins with you.

8. Lastly, to always be a little underemployed. What this means is, you take on less work than you can. This way, when something exciting comes up, you have the time, but most importantly, the energy to do it. That, my friend, is the greatest degree of freedom.

2 Raw One-Liners:

• Only you have more money than ever you realise that the biggest form of richness is a mind that can sit with focus. And a mind that can chill without worrying about work.

• Nothing bigger than the joy of not knowing what is going on in the “latest OTT show”.

3 (for) Real good articles/notes I found on the internet you must read this weekend:

1. I’m begging you, never write with AI: Bret Stephens, NY Times (Note from me, I am requesting you, please please read this article. Someone shared a picture form of it too somewhere on the internet, and now it forever lives with me:

   

2. Seth’s Riffs: Seth Godin (I’m planning to create an archive of all of mine also, into an ebook. Mostly to make sure people stay away from phone. Dear God, but first, I need energy.)

3. 10 years in Delhi: Yours truly (only because today is the day of the Red Fort in Delhi) :)

Have a great weekend and freedom from your own bondages, y’all!

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

Perfection is the mask of procrastination.

When we are trying too much to make things perfect, we are running away from the action we need to take.

When we take the action we need to take, we might fail. It means we would have to try something different. So we stay stuck in perfection paralysis.

Or we get busy scrolling. “I haven’t had the time.”

We say too many yes-es. It takes away from the responsibility of the thing we want to be doing.

Or we create a life of complexity. Too much research. Too much mess in the room. Too many open tabs. So that procrastination takes on.

Or we organise meetings. Meetings to talk about things that could have been a half-sentence email. But we like looking busy. Because when we look busy, we take away from productive and empty time. When we take away from productive and empty time, we do not have to do the thing we want to be doing.

All of this gets harder if you are making good money. Because now the only reason you gotta take action is for your soul. The bank account is already nourishing itself.

You get all the success in the world first, thinking you will fill your soul later. Only to realise that as you kept chasing success, the soul is now empty.

But the thing about soul is it never withers away. What you have always wanted to do is something you will always see yourself walking towards.

You gotta listen. Not to prove it to anyone. Not to be able to afford that team or that car or that property in Central Delhi. Just for the sake of doing things.

In the movie Piku, Deepika Padukone has a line; “After a certain age, parents cannot stay alive by themselves alone. We gotta work to keep them alive.” I’d extrapolate that to our souls too. After a certain point, the soul is ready to wither. It is only the soul that can save itself from death while still having a functioning heart.

When your life is not set and it is struggling to keep itself alive, the soul is blooming at its finest. Then life goes on and the soul gets suppressed. But there is always some part of the soul that is crumbling, that needs to come alive, if we let it.

Sometimes we need rest to let it come alive. Sometimes we need to just listen to ourselves. Sometimes we need to stop listening to everyone else. Sometimes we need to go with the flow. Sometimes we just need to turn off the internet.

But the only cure is action.

2 Raw One-Liners:

• “Good and true things are easy,” Kate Capshaw, wife of Steven Spielberg, to Taylor Swift

• “Whenever you feel like criticizing any one, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.” — The Great Gatsby

3 (for) Real cool pictures from my gallery

Found some on Substack, some in my screenshots. Feel free to let me know of the original post if you know them, I’ll tag them

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

I am sorry for the late email today.

Been under the weather for the last three days. Still am. Fever, weakness, throat infection — all of which command supreme rest.

But the one learning I derived out of this episode was to schedule this email in advance, so that you as a reader know what to expect when.

I cannot build India’s most read newsletter by being inconsistent with timings.

I own it. I will fix this.

Now, let’s start.

Raw and Real Conversation

When I was in class 8, we had a house help named Sunita.

When she would come to our home for her chores, she would often bring her elder daughter along, whose name was Rajkumari. We made sure Rajkumari wasn’t involved in the chores (child labour), but she was an almost daily visitor.

One of the things that did not sit well with me in this set up was that Rajkumari did not go to school.

So during my summer break that year, out of the blue, I offered to teach her.

She would come at our home for one hour, I would take her to my study room to make sure she had the best quiet environment, and we began at ground level — teaching of the alphabet.

In less than a week, she quit.

I was naive enough to not understand it back then. So I thought she was not simply interested in studies.

Now as I think about it, I realise there was an upbringing, environment, mindset, (lack of) family conversations, and conditioning I was single-handedly fighting against.

For me education was my oxygen. I knew even at that age that this was the only thing that would give me everything I wanted.

But for Rajkumari maybe education was another distraction.

Maybe at home she was already being prepared to be a nice wife very soon.

Maybe there was a boy she was already seeing, and her parents wanted to make sure she got no freedom.

Maybe the conversation of education in that household was as unfathomable as driving Ferrari sports car from New Delhi to Gurugram on a Monday morning.

The question, though, is: why am I telling this to you?

It is because we all want to change something in our lives.

Even though we are blessed with the best lives, there is always an improvement our mind is always inching towards.

What happens after that thought is what makes the difference between us and Rajkumari.

No matter what you went through, you have the tool of education with you.

All our lives we think that the formal education we got was meaningless, because the reality is so much different. But that education gave you the mindset to figure life out, which you did and are still doing.

We forget that it was education that changed our childhood reality into what we have now.

Shaant hokar socho: This means we change things through education.

And by education, I do not mean just going back to college.

I mean preparing yourself for real world by reading books, reading spiritual texts, changing your habits, and so on.

If you cannot get up in the morning and you want to change that, and one fine day you read “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius and he says:

“At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: “I have to go to work, as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for, the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?”

Or you are trying too hard in your work, and you read “The Inner Game of Tennis”, by W. Timothy Gallwey and you realise:

“The secret to winning any game lies in not trying too hard.”

Or perhaps you are experiencing hair fall during monsoon, and you watch a video by Rujuta Diwekar, do those changes, and bam, within weeks your hair gets better.

There is so much wisdom out into the world, but you have to be a seeker, a relentless force of life seeking endless education, because you can.

Your basics are sorted. You know how to read. You have a degree. Rajkumari couldn’t, because she didn’t know how and where to start.

I know someone in my life (whom I stay at a respectful distance from) who would cringe at all of the above and say “I don’t have time. My life is the worst.”

Guess what? There are books on time management, like the ones by Brian Tracy, and if you need perspective on your “worst” life, maybe you need to watch The Secret documentary.

The answer to every problem of yours is out there.

But do have to develop the courage, the willingness, the inner drive to be a seeker. And an all-time learner.

Staying married to your problems never moved the humanity or a single human forward.

Some ways to begin that change in the smallest of ways:

1. Pick one book. Any one book that interests you. And start reading it.

2. Then pick the next book. A good book often refers many books. Or go to Amazon recommendations based on your book, go to Goodreads for recommendations, or the best ever: step into your local book store. We need to spend more money in book stores.

3. Try not to read for a particular “purpose” all of the time. Try reading good books, but for leisure.

4. A good world is non-fiction books. Although I would suggest staying away from dopamine fiction, and read only that fiction that is helpful and is beyond the likes of “will they/will they not?”

5. Proportion of slop has to be less than proportion of good.

The last time I met Rajkumari was maybe 2 years ago in the same locality, she was obviously married and had kids, and maybe she had the same life that her environment conditioned into.

The chasm between us and Rajkumari is that we know how to educate ourselves. It is our OG Brahmastra.

We have this privilege, and if we do not exploit it…I just took a deep breath.

We have to make that choice.

We can stay married to our excuses. The job is bad, family is bad, life is hard, back pain, environment, too hot, too much rain — whatever.

But you still have the agency. The only person who can take away that agency is you. The only person that can be the agent in turning your life 180 is you.

2 Raw One-Liners:

• Do not just look at the reception of your content. First look at how proud you are for putting it out.

• Being useful is probably every human being’s personal Mount Everest.

3 (for) Real crips blogs to read, and a place without likes and comments:

1. The need to feel useful

2. Be careful with your words

3. The chilla syndrome for life

That’s all for this weekend my friend.

If you wish to read ebooks in a PDF instantly, here are some of my instant access e-books. Feel free to not read them, but please start reading any other book this weekend.

There is nothing, absolutely nothing better for yourself ever.

Nishtha Gehija
rawreal.in | nishtha.blog

For months, I have been looking for a book on sleep.

Not in-depth kind of (which are plenty and a lot of them are fab), but one with a 10-20 pointer list. A list that keeps me on toes for to be dedicated to my sleep time.

Since I could not find that kind of list, I decided to create my own.

Feel free to copy it, take a printout and put it in front of your desk/bathroom mirror.

The world needs more quality sleep, more sanity and less screens, more than anything else.

Let’s start.

As you do, keep an open mind, and think about how this could help you.

On Sleep

1. Forget worrying about 5 am club. Start thinking about 9 pm club. Aka, how is it that you can go to bed by 9 pm max.

2. It is not the number of hours of sleep that matters (the most) but the sleep that begins between 9-10 pm that matters.

3. The programming of your mind before sleeping is so so so important. My night time schedule is telling about my day to God, what would it have looked like had today been the best day (reverse visualisation), and reading something empowering right before turning off the lights. If you want to understand more on this, please pick up The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy. A timeless classic.

4. To sleep at 9, it is best to have dinner by 6 pm.

5. To have dinner by 6 pm, you need to wrap up work by 5 pm.

6. To wrap up work by 5 pm, there is virtually no scope of wasting the ~4 pm time, that happens in a lot of offices.

7. Since there is no scope of wasting time because you will be focused on getting things done on time, you simply cannot afford to waste time scrolling on your phone.

Which brings us to the manifesto of screens.

On screen

1. If your work involves use of screen (most jobs do), before you start work for the day, write on a piece of paper: what all you want to get done today. It makes you hyper focused.

2. Even if you are going to shop online, decide what you want to shop for instead of “letting the algorithm do things for you.” Be vigilant about what gets done, post which you will abandon the screen and return to the analog world.

3. Analog is to 2026 what unlimited internet was to 2016.

4. If your default is to reach out to your phone each time you are bored, it is time to inculcate the habit of replacement that James Clear talks about in Atomic Habits. Replace the need to reach out for phone for anything else — Kindle, stapler, pen and notebook, canvas, a book (of course), clean something — anything. But make it a mission of your life to do small things you have been procrastinating than to scroll on the screen for the smallest time.

5. Lastly, keep a small phone. Let people think what they want to. You have already tried looking cool to others and living the life of others. Now that you know nothing came out of it, it is time to live your own.

On Sanity

1. Try living a private life. The joy of going out, pursuing a hobby, learning to knit and not telling the world about it is priceless. Even if you are not a celebrity like Virat Kohli who needs privacy, isn’t it worth it to live life just for the sake of living it and not documenting it?

2. When things go awry, it is the best test of your self-control. The Uber driver is going to cancel, your favourite league team might lose, or your parent may snap for no reason. But sometimes, wisdom in life is knowing this is all going to happen at all times in life. If it is going to happen to all of us, is it worth it to feel so traumatised and torn up?

3. Good books are your vacation while you are still sitting on your favourite couch at your home.

4. Have fun bro. जिंदगी बनाते-बनाते जीना नहीं छोड़ना है।

5. It should be the easiest thing to make you smile. Never have I ever regretted smiling. A fun habit I have is I always leave the mirror smiling. Whether it is morning or night, how you look at yourself is the most important thing in the world. Isn’t it, my friend?

2 Raw One-Liners

• The hardest thing in the world is to sit with focus for 2 hours and do your work without distractions.

• The easiest thing in the world is to sit with focus for 2 hours and do you work without distractions.

3 (for) Real blogs that you might love (no likes, no comments, just real content):

1. Disagree without disgrace

2. “In your element”

3. You must wave at kids

That is it for this weekend, my friend.

I will see you next weekend.

Nishtha Gehija

Your friendly CA turned writer didi, and a ghostwriter for top CXOs across 4 countries

Today I want to speak about my father, because he is turning 72 next week. Yasss!!

And a bit or two that you (and I) could probably learn from him.

Let’s go!!!

Ever since I have understood life, my father has been a simple man.

His wardrobe consists of strictly white shirts only, with grey/beige/navy pants.

We sisters gave him and Mom a couple’s wrist watch as a gift on their 25th wedding anniversary, which he wore for years! Fun fact: Next year it is my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, and he has changed just one wrist watch during this quarter of a century!

He has just three pair of shoes, one for going out, one slipper for use at home, and one extra which he doesn’t touch.

It has always been like this. I’d like to believe it is true for a lot of households, not just mine.

And while the world worships Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg for dressing plainly, a lot of fathers of millennials have been minimalists by design.

How does this minimalism affect you as a person?

I’ll tell you how.

I have held 3 jobs in the past, and on the day of tendering resignation in each of those three jobs, I sobbed.

A lot.
With him.
On the phone.

And he was this Zen like man, who was there to console me each time. Worth noting that in every single one of the three times, I did not have a new job offer coming along, yet he cared little about the future and more about the pain of letting go I was going through in the moment.

And it is not just these 3 times.

Each time there is something difficult I go through, I am somehow able to conceal it from my Mom, but with my father, the truth always figures a way to pop out.

There may be many reasons to it, but the biggest one is that this man lives such a simple life, that he has the bandwidth to deal with life problems. Of himself and his family.

He started working at the age of 6. (Please forgive us for the child labour. That has never happened again with my generation or my sister’s kids either. So it’s all fine now. Also, the person doing the work of getting him employed and the one who did employ him passed away years ago.)

Thus, all his life by design has been a journey of figuring things out. He hasn’t had the time to think about sleeves with cufflinks, the quintessential Gucci belt almost every man wears, or even a thought of spending money on a Rolex, when you are looming under the responsibility of getting your daughters married.

But there is one instance I’d like to share from his last year’s birthday, which never tends to leave my mind.

You will be most likely blown away by this

My father’s Activa was in the ICU, so we decided to get a new one for him.

A couple of weeks before making the purchase, I had simply put the thought in his head, so that it gave him the headspace to deal with the “looming surprise”.

On the day of purchase, I did not ask him. I just told him. And then told him I will call him in a couple of hours to the outlet to get the delivery of the vehicle.

I have always seen him loving the colour white. White clothes, white interiors for his shop, even white (vanilla) cake. (Special mention to his disdain for chocolate cake 😢). So I finalised that colour.

When I went back home to take him with me, everyone (but my father) gave a conflicting suggestion. My mom, sisters, BIL were of the opinion that we should pick up anything but white colour.

“Pick up a darker colour.”
“White would get dirty quickly.”
“Other than black, what were the colours available?”

The father maintained a peculiar, detached quietness that is his very nature oftentimes. Not giving any opinion.

Because I was the one making the final decision, I still finalised the colour white.

We finally took the delivery of the white Activa the same evening.

But that is not where the story ends, my friend.

That night, when my sisters and BILs had left, my father told me and my mom the story of his first scooter:

That some day came 17 years after that grey scooter was sold, followed by him driving another blue Activa because back then colours were not available, followed by his new white Activa finally when he turned 71.

Not to mention, he still didn’t voice his opinion!

He waited almost 30 years without a scooter of his choice, while practically running a home and fulfilling everyone’s wishes!!

I do not think anyone could live selflessly like this, other than parents.

Why am I telling this to you?

My friend, parents (especially a lot of fathers) hardly voice their wishes. It is just not possible for a lot of them. So, you simply have to hone the art of observing their life, and listening to them even when everyone else is going ahead with logic.

So, three days before my father turns 72, I do wish your father too gets to live all his unfulfilled wishes. And may we all have the empathy to understand it.

It makes life meaningful beyond measure.

Deep down, this is what we all are looking for.

2 Raw One-Liners

• To have a lot of money and not a lot of self-blabbering mouth is an asset we should speak about often.

• Intelligence is knowing when to start. Wisdom is knowing when to move on.

3 (for) Real wonderful lines I read last week, that you should too:

1. “Spend your adult life making people feel special.” — George Raveling and Ryan Holiday, What You’re Made For

2. “When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.” — Oprah Winfrey, What I Know For Sure

3. “As someone who works in the corporate, your number one job is to understand people and give them what they want. Everything you want, will come back quicker than you had expected.” — The Corporate Life Handbook

Nishtha Gehija is a CA turned full time writer, ghostwriter of books for CXOs (famous for her non-AI, fully authentic content), and a daily blogger at nishtha dot blog.

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Get instant access to my ebooks:

1. 20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

2. The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

3. The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

4. How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book your best friend needs but no one gives it to them right in their hand. You can.

5. Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 12 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

I have been completely zoned out in the last one week.

Especially today, as I write this.

The only focus has been to deliver a manuscript of a client.

I didn’t clean my desk this morning. The barbell laden with weights is still lurking behind the study desk, as I worked on submitting the final manuscript of a client’s book I had bene ghostwriting. I need to trim my nails.

It is unusual, but we are all getting raw and real here, aren’t we?

We were initially supposed to close this on 30th June, but because I needed more time, I requested my client for a 10-day extension to 10th July, which he nicely gave.

I am so glad I stretched every ounce of dedication I had and delivered a masterpiece I am proud of. It is very hard to convince one’s own self, but seldom when one does it, it is time to pause.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the other side of the glamorous life of a work-from-home life.

I have been working from home ever since the Covid of 2020, but till mid 2023 I was in a job. So we won’t consider that because you are still accountable to a team.

But, what does the life of a work-from-home freelancer look like?

Is it even for you?

Allow me to try to walk you through it in the minutest details.

Some self-created principles:

1. Always have separate clothing. I may work in casuals, but never have I ever wore night suits during the day. Not even once. Not even when I have been sick. The home clothes are purposefully very nice, because how you feel is what gets reflected in the work you do.

2. If you love routine (I absolutely love love it. My sisters when they have to critique me they call me “time table”).

3. If it is a video meeting, I try to wear a shirt, even if it is slightly casual. (and certainly not an Athleisure) or a plain v-neck tee. The child inside wants Tom-n-Jerry, but the adult outside wants credibility.

Pros of WFH life as a freelancer:

1. You do not have to prove to anyone you are working. If work gets done on time and is done well, everyone is happy.

2. A lot of the times in your job, your ratings are a product of your manager’s mood, especially if they are not rational. Sometimes I wonder how men are so much a prisoner of their mood, even though it is us women who go through their monthly cycles :)

3. I do not have to appear happy in meetings I do not want to be in, in the first place.

4. I love the solitude, the maker’s schedule. So we willingly optimise for it.

Cons:

1. People think you are free. Historically our culture has treated the busiest housewives as free, just because they were at home. That false mentality still lingers. For me, instead of getting triggered, I have learnt to draw boundaries. It clearly conveys your message. And it is no point being irked anyway.

2. Sometimes, like once every 6 months, I would feel the need for an accountability buddy, like an assistant or an intern who would keep me accountable on my to-do’s. But then I think of the dread of talking to another human being AND explaining them my work AND how it would take me away from the love of my life, which is staying quiet all day — and I buckle up my systems.

That’s pretty much it. I do not miss the working from office system much.

How to decide if working from home is for you:

1. If you can manage your time well, go for it. Otherwise, it is bold to be working from office.

2. You know when to stop.

3. You know when to start.

It is a journey. I was waiting for the train at the Dubai airport and sitting on a bench outside and working on my laptop. I was waiting in the line at Warner Bros Abu Dhabi and was on my laptop. Last week I had the best drive and I wrote for myself again, even though I was on a tiny break.

I do not mean to scare you, but just a wisdom.

And yes I may go to a salon on a Tuesday, there have been way more incidents that I have worked on Saturdays (rarely Sundays too).

Do I endorse it? Nope.

Am I working on it to have more of a work-life balance? Oh yes.

How much percentage of times is work-from-home life on track? 60%.

But the biggest thing is awareness.

When you know what you want and what you absolutely don’t want, you have won half the battle.

2 Raw One-Liners:

• Girl to girl: He is not going to change by you suppressing yourself.

• If you want to see who does the best work in a team, look at who speaks the least.

3 (for) Real meaningful and fun blogs that I wish to share with you:

1. Good boys that (forever) damage good girls

2. “Do you mind if I smoke?”

3. Some pictures of the 5 days of meditation retreat

Alright then folks, have a nice, monsoon-filled, relaxed weekend.

Don’t be on screen too much :)

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

1. 20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

2. The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

3. The Career Changing Guide: Practical and Real

4. How to Deal with Heartbreak: If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

5. Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

But then memory lane took me to the reflections I did when I turned 34, 33, 32, 31, 30, 29, 28, and 27. Whoa! I don’t remember when I was this proud :)

That is the good thing about doing good things consistently. The consistency just does not let you off the hook.

So, here you go, 35 life lessons on turning 35, ladies and gentlemen:

1. You don’t have to twist your way into being mean. You’ll be surprised how much you can get done by being genuinely nice and caring, with every human.

2. Skill and attitude are the things that create confidence. Confidence and charisma without competence and curiosity is a lame victory.

3. When you work super hard in your 20s (7-8 hours per day) you will be able to work 4-5 hours towards your 30s.

   

4. Having a trauma is sometimes not a choice. Living with a trauma is.

5. Stop giving free consultations and keep your mouth shut. Give advice when asked for (by immediate family) and when paid (by everyone other than immediate family), and not when you simply think they need it.

6. A good night sleep and breakfast within an hour of waking up solve for most of your energy problems.

7. You must do the work.

8. Change your environment if you do not like it. I remember I started watching cricket regularly from Asia Cup 2023 (that India won), watched World Cup 2023, and then kept track of other tournaments, and then spent a lot of time scrolling memes on Twitter after India won World Cup in 2024, Champions Trophy in 2025 and when RCB won IPL in 2025. Super guilty. Never led to anything good. It was after that I realised it is not the best use of my time. So now I do not check Twitter during any sporting tournament. Simple as this. It once got out of hand (which meant I was on Twitter for over an hour), so I temporarily deactivated it. Change your environment, do not expect it to change it for you.

9. Related to the above, as I was reflecting that my 20s went too slow but half of 30s went tad bit faster, I realised it is because a little bit of my internet consumption has gone up, even though I am super careful. So, now I will bring it down further. If you think you do not have a lot of time, ruthlessly and drastically cut internet usage. Get a 2 GB per month plan if you need to, but the only currency you have is time.

10. Protect your Sundays at all costs.

11. It’s okay to not like doing the things in your 30s that you liked doing in your 20s.

12. Life is all about changing your inner conversation with yourself.

13. If something upsets you, do not bury it within. Talk to yourself and figure what upset you. And then figure if you can change it or accept it. Do it. If you bury things, they give rise to diseases eventually.

14. If you really really care, you can bring about all the transformation in yourself. But it begins with not expecting others to transform too.

15. Anyone who taught you how to be less kind and more nonchalant towards others is a liar, is a traitor. Please do not listen to them.

16. Classy people have a list of most gifted books instead of a list of favourite YouTube channels.

17. Show me your morning routine and I will show you what your day would look like.

18. Show me your night routine and I will show you how peaceful you’d wake up in the morning.

19. Quit being a Raja Beta. :D

20. True richness lies not in making Instagram posts about your achievements but writing essays about your despairs (cough cough ;)).

21. If you keep saying yes to everyone, you keep saying no to yourself.

22. The art of living life is to navigate situations that require you to say no, where you consistently say no without actually saying no.

23. Working with the right people is 1000X more important than working on the right project. Please read that again.

24. Your source of motivation has to be you. If “talking to this one person” makes you feel better, you will always be their prisoner.

25. Please do yourself a favour and read Consolations from a Stoic by Seneca (the Kindle version is cheaper than your chips packet), So Late in the Day by Claire Keegan (especially every sensitive girl and every gentleman must read it) and the newsletter of Cal Newport.

26. It is more important to decide what you will not do than to figure what you will do.

27. A good life should have no place for ego.

28. Life is all about returning to the childhood version of you.

29. When I am acting different than you had expected me to, will you still love me while trying to ask me what lead me to this opinion to understand me, or will you abandon me because I did not fit your mental mould?

30. Speaking less is the OG (and the most underrated) way to have more energy.

31. Happy people make time to go to a park or outdoors during the Golden Hour.

32. It is mind blowing how you become a walking energy of possibilities when you even stop having ideas of impossibilities.

33. Exercise is a necessity for your body and productivity, walking is a medicine for your mind and soul.

34. No matter when you travel and where you travel, always pack at least a shawl and a pair of socks. It is a staple.

35. “Life a good life and tell no one. People ruin beautiful things.” I remember reading this once long ago, and it is only around turning 35 you start understanding the truth of this statement.

That is it friends, which one did you like the most? Tell me, tell me!!

PS: I know, I know I had to share the essay essay “How to become a successful freelancer” today but bro I am in the middle of submitting the final manuscript of 3 books (the last 10% takes the 90% of effort, each time). And I also I am in the middle of a much-needed 4-day meditation retreat, writing this at 5 am after our morning meditation. Your special sneak peek into the life of a freelancer :))

This is the picture after our evening meditation that is held everyday from 6.30-7.30 pm, and it was a special one because it was outdoors in some ~23 degrees. Hope this qualifies for you to forgive me :)

I promise I will write that freelancing essay.

See you next Saturday.

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

Exactly 2 days after turning 18, I left my hometown for college.

Yesterday I turned 35.

For the last 17 years, I have been perpetually homeless.

This is me, and welcome to my story.

Why did I leave home?

My parents worked super hard to give all four of us (me and my 3 elder sisters) the best education. But I was the first one to even go to an English medium school.

The school I changed to in 11th and 12th grade sold SRCC (the best college of India) as a metric of success.

While I could not make it to SRCC, I did manage to get out of my hometown.

It was difficult, I was clueless for one complete year, and my eating, studying, playing schedule went for a total toss.

That time I did not notice it, but never, even in those situations, I ever wanted to return home. Maybe the early signs of a future are always showing.

Why I stayed away from home

My reasons for moving out of home when I was 18 were (perhaps) to create my own identity, and give myself exposure the small town did not have.

My reasons for staying away from my parents’ home as a 35-year-old is because it feels better here. When something isn’t broken, it does not need fixing.

What happens when you stay away from home

1. After more than a decade of staying away, you develop a zen-like attitude towards most things in life.

2. Because of panicking too often because of people who are not as nice to you as your family is, you eventually realise, nothing and absolutely nothing is worth losing your peace of mind.

3. If something goes too bad, you develop the self-confidence, network and resources to deal with it.

4. Also, you start seeing the side of life where you are trusted easily. Nowadays when a billionaire or a millionaire CEO changes their stance based on my suggestion for their book, sometimes I think to myself in my head, “Dude, wow. I have never ever tasted what having an opinion mattered feels like.”

The other side, the non-snazzy, the difficult side of being away from home

It is not easy to stay from home.

In the Covid lockdown when I was temporary there for over a year, I contemplated it for a bit to move my operating location to my hometown, but it just did not make sense for my long-term growth as an individual.

It is painful to see your father asking you often to quit everything and move to hometown. Deep down I know that he wants to make sure I make the best of his life when he is around. He also wants to make sure if something happens to him, I am around too, like the rest of his daughters.

But I know if I give in to this fear of death, I am also giving up my whole different life that I have here. Sometimes my lower self also believes that do I not matter for him even a bit, that my career is still like his stepchild and not a family?

There have been several times I have stood at the railway station of my hometown wondering if I could be a different, a better daughter that would make me living away from home a little okay, a little acceptable for them.

The common layer I see across these patterns is the love, the longing, the separation, and yet, helplessness.

I somehow want my family to believe I care. Deep down they know I do. But an ageing part of them wants its proof too.

Why is it impossible to go back “home” now?

1. Because I love being away from home. Isn’t love enough? To have created a small, invisible world of your own is an achievement, even if it does not make it to LinkedIn.

2. At home, you are being shepherded. For no one’s fault, but because there is a culture that is followed in every home. When the bedsheets would change. When you must put things to laundry. What should be there for dinner. Why I must adjust to the TV sound every day because I am the youngest. Why it feels as if you are almost attacking your family if you want a different, protein-rich meal every day, even though they are the most cooperative, nicest and non-fussy ones. (It’s me, I know bro.)

   When you are a teen away from home for the first time, having these things back at home feels nice, even a privilege. When you are a grown up, it feels like you do not have a say on your own life in your own home, and you must follow the rules of the land.

3. I will never be able to experience what parents actually feel sending their kids away from them. But at least in my case my parents do have their 3 out of 4 daughters (75% progeny) near them. They are not completely alone. Call it my privilege to be able to get out, but is it wrong to do what you can with your privilege?

Home(less)

Taylor Swift was 20 when she wrote “You will always find your way home.”

Exactly ten years later, at the age of 30, she wrote, “I can go anywhere I want, anywhere I want, just not home.”

This is exactly what happens to anyone who leaves home as a late teen and contemplates on life in mid-30s.

The Success Tax you pay living away from home

I have had countless moments where I would have something really nice to tell, something good that happened in my life or career, and I would be jumping around and call up my family.

A lot of the times, almost invariably, they would say something that would diminish my achievement or joy or both. You must be careful of what you are getting into. We just want to warn you. We want you to make sure you have thought about this. They do not do that on purpose. They really want me to be aware. They want the best for me.

The contention that “the world is a scary place and I must be aware” is right, just that when it continues to come up at the wrong time, it is a pattern.

So for the past 2-3 years it has come to a point where I have gotten several opportunities that are life changing. For a second even I could not believe this could happen to me.

And yet I have jumped by myself, alone, and been absolutely normal with my family over the call. Forget excitement, but they don’t even know what transpired.

It breaks my heart to see that back home no one is really happy of the positive changes that are happening in your life (not true for my parents, but true for extended family). For them, the only definition of you has shrunk down to “she lives away”, mints money, and let us forget she is a human.

So, what can we do to make our family or anyone feel at home?

1. If you are unconvinced with a decision of theirs about their life, have conversations. Not opinions, not decisions, not judgements. Open conversations to understand. And please know that when we accept people for who they are even if we disagree with them, they will go any length to accept us for who we are. Every action has equal and opposite reaction. You cannot draw abundant acceptance in lieu of radical resistance.

2. For anyone we interact, regardless of family or friend or an acquaintance, you never know the battles they are fighting underneath that smile. There was an ad of depression with two faces, one was a straight face and the other was smiling. It was later told the person who was smiling was the one dealing with depression. So it helps to be a nice human being always, so that it becomes your ongoing nature.

3. The way to make someone do something was never by condemning their choices, but by loving them regardless. Love is there, but the condemnation sometimes is also a part of the parcel.

This is not an anti-family post

As a matter of fact, my mom was worried about me yesterday the whole day how I was alone on my birthday. For the very first time in eternity, my father sent me a text message yesterday for my birthday. It was early morning and I was in the spiritual class so he texted. We spoke too, an hour later, so chill :))

But this is about the fact that loving your parents and living with them are not complementary things.

You could love them and still carve out your identity.

The family doesn’t conspire to be wrong

I also understand that our family is human too. And almost every adult is a victim of generational trauma that has been passed on in the DNA. But when you become aware, it is up to you to break it or to become a victim to it.

Breaking it has serious repercussions, some of those you read in different shapes and forms throughout this note, but it is any day better than accepting the trauma as default.

When you know better, you should do better too.

What to do now, if you are someone who is feeling home(less) despite having a home?

1. There is a song from the movie Anjaana Anjaani that goes,

“Jab hoga, andhera, tab paaega dar mera…us dar pe, phir hogi teri subah…
Tu na jaane aas paas hai Khuda”

2. In Bhagwad Gita, God says to Arjun, “Depend on me completely.”

I have never felt the truth of these statements dwindle, ever.

3. I have experienced this over and over and over again in my life, that each time I call God to make a decision on my behalf or be with me or guide me, it has given an outcome that my human self could never contemplate.

   I guess that is what keeps my parents at peace too, staying 500 kms away from me :)

Final words

2 weeks back, my elder sister had a minor accident while riding her scooter. Her vehicle was hit by a tempo traveller whose brakes had failed.

The way I got to know of this was when I called up my Mom around 9 in the morning, as I often do, and my father picked up. “Your Mom is massaging your sister, as she met with an accident.”

Whoa, a 43-year-old she having her mother next to her tending to her minor sprain.

Anyway, my sister and I cracked some jokes over the phone, and once I was certain that she wasn’t hurt too much, I hung up the phone and got back to work.

My mind then automatically took me to a chilly morning of Delhi in January 2024, when I woke up around 3 am unable to breathe. Neither with nose, nor with mouth. It was impossible to lie down. And when I would sit up, the only way to breathe was to open the mouth wide open.

I knew I needed immediate assistance.

But the independent person inside me would not want to wake up my landlord uncle and aunty (the nicest people ever) staying on the ground floor. I also have a few acquaintances in the same sector, but decided not to ping them.

Instead, I called up the ambulance of our nearby hospital, told them clearly that I can “walk and move so I don’t need ambulance per se” but because it was a breathing issue, I needed assistance. They were kind enough to send an ambulance anyway. The one I travelled in alone, along with the driver and 2 hospital staff.

For those wondering, I was nebulised and made to go back home in the latter half of the day.

There are a lot of people who know me directly, who are envious of the life I have here in Delhi away from home.

Alas, they will never know the price I have had to pay.

Nishtha Gehija is a daily blogger on life and observations at nishtha dot blog, is an author of several books and ebooksa, and ghostwriter of books for CXOs.

Ciao.

Before we begin, here is some trivia that might be helpful for today:

I am a CA turned full-time writer. Yup, the latter is my full-time work for more than 6 years now..

Why am I telling this to you?

Because I will now take you through the most fun story of trolls that I go through, and how I have fun with it :)

I was once in a conference, where an acquaintance of mine was introducing me. So I believed there would be some teeny tiny bit of respect for the work I do, duh? What I instead got was “it takes courage to give up a lucrative career as a CA and pursue a small life as a writer”. Oops. I wish I was making this up :)

Earlier this week I met a practising CA, and after knowing my story, she said, “You must be needing more time that is why you perhaps became a writer?” Sigh.

This one is my favourite. A retired principal of a school (the kinda aunty whose grandkids go to Vietnam for a summer vacay :)) was borderline heartbroken when she heard about my career change. She legit looked at me from top to bottom and back to top, in pity disguised as concern, and asked, “Guzaara ho jaata hai?” I laugh about her reaction to date :))

Hand on heart, I must tell you all these are really nice people. People that our education system has successfully converted into believing you become rich only by a corporate thingy, and certainly never by pursuing arts.

I don’t blame them either. Our cinema has done the same for the longest time.

In the movie Dil Chahta Hai, it was the business tycoon’s son Aakash who lived in a bungalow in Mumbai, drove to Goa in his Mercedes, and flew to Australia in first class. Meanwhile Sid, the artist, ran from his home to his neighbour’s home. His financial existence was so minuscule that the makers didn’t even bother to show how he went from Mumbai to Kasauli :)

The reality of making money

Which is why, I want to walk you through the reality of how money functions. Not to prove the trolls wrong, but to help anyone think deeper beyond what is visible.

1. After a few initial years of working, it does not matter which background you came from. What matters is your attitude towards life and the conversation in your head. But only people with the right attitude would agree to it.

2. You’d be surprised to know, but richness has got nothing to do with how much you make (assuming people think I make less than a working CA). Richness is created out of a habit of investing. This means someone making ₹20,000 could be rich, and someone making ₹5,00,000 per month could be poor, based on their habits.

3. A wealth manager I know often tells stories about people’s relationship with money. If there is only one thing I could tell you from so many of such stories, it is this: What you see in people’s lifestyles is never a reflection of people’s wealth. Read the previous line again because it is so important.

4. At some point, money is all a mindset.

5. When you have the self-worth to not judge people by the society’s standards, that is when you are really rich.

Why is it important to have this conversation?

Not to prove how much my income and net worth is. That is not the point here.

It is important to have this conversation because:

• So much of what we see is our biases playing through. Coming back to Dil Chahta Hai, we all see the rich Aakash because he is wandering around in Sydney because he is bored. But we could never imagine Sid doing it, even if he was filthy rich. He would very well be sitting in his home and painting. An artist is so fulfilled with their lives that they forget everything else automatically. But I think only the artists have the art to understand it.

• There is no right or wrong way. If you love corporates, go do it. If you hate it and are an artist, I am happy for you too. This is no diss into corporate cuties. Fun fact: Even I became an artist because I was pushed into hell with no parachute. Might as well learn to fly :)

• Why is money still a metric of success in 2026? Wasn’t everything about being a nice person? Like a really nice person who cares but who draws boundaries, etc. waala nice person.

• Last year, I had gone to Om Shanti Retreat Centre in Gurugram for a 3-day meditation retreat. One of the practices of the retreat is when the spiritual class gets over around 7.30 am, everyone should ideally go and do sewa for 30-60 minutes. It is sort of we “earning” our meals for the day. I happily went for the sewa of painting the block boundaries surrounding the garden. Think of painting the yellow and white blocks on the pavement. In those 30 minutes, I learnt at least 5 nuances about painting. Yet I can bet the blocks I painted were the worst. Every job appears easy when someone else is doing it.

The point I am trying to make here is that there is almost zero correlation between what someone does for work and how much money you have.

It becomes all the more important to live with this nuance, because life is rarely black and white. 

That is it.

Oh wait, one more thing. I thought for long if I actually wanted to write this essay, but I went ahead with it for just one reason:

Just in case, btw, a detailed essay on how to become a successful freelancer drops exactly after 2 weeks, on 04th July.

And for the trolls that wonder how much I make or do I make more or less than I would as a CA, well: Dude, I am a Sindhi way before I became a CA. What do you expect?

To explain more to trolls, I honestly do not have time today baby. Today is the due date of payment of monthly GST, they might know. Oh wait, how would they know :)))

2 Raw One-Liners:

• “You don’t have a lot of friends because you are not cunning.”

  — my Mom

• No one regretted an hour of workout. No one rejoiced an hour of social media.

3 (for) Real realisations I have been having about life lately:

1. The biggest factor to making yourself fitter is stretching well. It gives you the power for the next workout.

2. Do the nice things even if no one is watching. There is nothing more liberating than being true to yourself.

3. And when people know you are by default nice, be nice still, without having them walk over you and crush your niceness (I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here, coz I remember it All Too Well.)

Alrighty friends, let me know how you found today’s essay. I personally enjoyed the blend of fun with a serious conclusion.

Chalo, I will see you next Saturday.

PS: The “5 things” essay now goes on my daily blog nishtha dot blog every Wednesday, just in case you were wondering.

If you weren’t, awesome. Nothing changes at your end. Have a great weekend. <3

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

Last year I turned 34. And for over one year or so, I have been feeling what I have now come to call as the mid-thirties disorientation.

It is not depression.

It is disorientation. (Haha, I did not write it using ChatGPT, so chill :))

It is that one short phase of your life (that sometimes lasts a little longer than a year) where you are not fully yourself.

It is your brain at the bridge, of not being able to keep up with the person you were and the person you are becoming.

You are unknowingly dragging far from who you have been for the longest time. Yet you do not find it alien.

As much as you try to resist this life change, it is in a manner shattering everything you have been, but doesn’t serve you anymore. And another part of you is beginning to emerge on its own.

It is important that we talk about it here.

Before the mid-thirties disorientation, you are carrying on the do-more-get-more-done energy of your 20s. After this disorientation phase is over, you are going towards do-less-but-turn-things-to-gold energy into life.

In your 20s and early 30s, aka before this disorientation phase, you had nothing.

You worked so much and so hard to build everything you have now.

Career.
Money.
Network.
Internal stability.
The face that smiles even when the heart has broken 17th time during the day.
The tiny smile that unconsciously pops up when you see your nephew and niece struggle with career, because you know they will turn out fine.
The fact that you dealt with so many hells you hadn’t ever anticipated.
The innumerable times you saw a joyful relationship (and I’m not even talking romantic here) turn into non-existent, because hey, you were naive and did not understand how the real world functions.

It is something everyone goes through in their 20s and 30s, mostly unaware, yet they do.

It may manifest itself as a career shattering apart (in the moment) or feeling disconnected from who you are as a person or maybe making decisions that are not aligned with who you are.

Your parents were perhaps in their mid-thirties when they gave you the childhood trauma, effects of which are somehow visible to date

I also studied a lot of people I know in person and respect, who went through a similar valley of disorientation around similar age.

….

But this mid-thirties disorientation is a special place reserved only for driven, strong, focused, high achievers.

I call it disorientation because the other side of this mess is magnificence.

Priyanka Chopra once quoted Beyonce, saying, “I am on the other side of my sacrifice.” She meant she has worked hard enough ever since she was a 20 year old, that now she has crossed the bridge of sacrifice to supreme success, has gotten on the other side, and now she chooses her projects and the life she lives.

This disorientation is exactly that bridge.

Life is different for everyone. And this disorientation is something no-one can prepare you for. You will only know once you have passed that bridge.

I have been going through that for over last one year or so. It has been a messy year, to say the least. I appear put together but almost everything is shattering apart.

So much so that the 3 days I have had in the last 365 days when nothing was falling apart, I wondered if life was supposed to be so easy!

It was precisely the reason I did not do the year-end review at the end of 2025. I was so disoriented that I could not convince myself to put a mask and tell you “here are the things that happened in my life”.

Everything was externally good — the career, the success, the family time, the joys of life — but you know in your heart you are internally falling apart. Which is what even I was going through for a long time.

But a part of me now feels things are coming together for good.

You cannot point out how, but you know in your heart.

…

On the other side of this sacrifice, on the other side of this disorientation, is something you had never expected. Something so distant that you had even forgotten that it existed.

You now start experiencing a childlike joy.

Some of which also manifests as:

You stop explaining to others when they feel bad of the right things you do. Their intent of feeling bad is too much about them and not about you. “Ja bhai, khush ho ja tu agar bura maanne se tujhe khushi milti hai to. I am so done with explaining myself hazaar baar.”

You altogether stop trying in certain relationships, which have always taken you for granted. It is not a way of seeking revenge from them, it is just accepting that some people do not want you but your constant unasked validation.

You even become funny, because you have experienced everything else, honey.

With me, I have also never felt such need to dance and jump with joy at the tiny things, as I have been feeling for the past several weeks.

After this disorientation, you only do things that matter to you, instead of saying yes perpetually. Your productivity, money, career, health — everything you touch turns to gold.

When failure does arrive, it least bothers you. You know you are beyond that, so you navigate it like a pro. When success arrives, you are proud of yourself but you do not let it get to your head. Your only success now is staying true to yourself. Not a lot of people understand this. But you don’t care anymore either.

This other side of the disorientation phase, is a fearless and a joyful human, that has a special power that can make anything happen. And not care about everything they do not want to make happen.

…

Just that this shattering of your mid-30s that lasts a little longer than you thought, takes a lot from you. It tests your patience, it tests your self-confidence, it tests every ounce of courage you did not even know existed in you.

Yet you simply let go of the stains of the end of the day, brush them off, get up next morning, dress up and show up.

The world thinks you are so put together, but the world was never ever right about their perception of you anyway.

…

It reminds me of the Murakami quote:

….

The mid-30s disorientation is like puberty. Earlier or before, it hits everyone.

It is not the end of life. Just the beginning of a whole new, lighter, happier, richer, more joyful life.

For those who are on the pre-side of this disorientation find this daydreaming. If you are there, you might perhaps not even understand a lot of what I am speaking about.

But the ones on the other side of their sacrifice, on the other side of their disorientation, are wilfully nodding their heads to this :)

2 Raw One-Liners:

• Quiet is the new cool.

• Money can’t buy taste. You must acquire it.

3 (for) Real deep blogs you’d enjoy if you hate doomscrolling and liking/commenting, but love good content:

1. The world isn’t a fair place

2. Do you know why Shah Rukh Khan is richer than thou?

3. My dear…

That’s all my friend for this weekend.

A part of me had been aching to write today’s Raw and Real for the longest time, just that I did not know it had to be written :) Such is the art :))

I will see you next Saturday.

Nishtha Gehija

LinkedIn | X | Daily blog | Weekly newsletter

Instantly access my ebooks:

20s versus 30s: The strange and unique differences between the two most important decades of your life

The Corporate Life Handbook: If you are in corporate job and struggle with daily humdrums of it, one-pagers with harsh truths are something no one is going to tell you :)

The Career Changing Guide: If you are looking for a sign, this is it :)

How to Deal with Heartbreak: A book almost everyone needs but no one gives you right in your hand. If you don’t need this, get this for a friend you know certainly needs it.

Every Writer Needs to Read this: A book I wish I had 11 years ago when I was starting out as a writer

Clean your room/a part of it. For knowledge workers, the act of moving your body in *free time* is an antidepressant. You get your best ideas then.

Fun fact: When I walk, I burn 200Kcal in ~100 minutes of walk. When I sprint, I burn 200Kcal in less than 20 minutes of sprint. Get bored so you can sprint when you work.

PS: Towards the end, sharing one of the random screenshots from my device, that I think you’d like too: